I am exhausted

[MedStudent]

I have been handling this for all my life since I was 10 years old and its eating away my time. Today i found out that someone one year younger than me is doing much better than me and i could not help but feel envious. I have been daydreaming all my life and it has hindered with my progress. I make slower progress than my colleagues. I have always been that way since this started. I am so tired of this disease. I am so tired of living this way. This disease had lead me to have suicidal thoughts when i was younger, obviously I do not have it right now. But i cannot do this anymore. I feel suffocated. I feel like i cant breathe. It is really suffocating because theres no escape from it. How am i supposed to escape my own mind. I am so tired of living this way. I need to find a solution to live with this. At the centre of my life like the freaking sun is this disease. I have let this control me all my life. I want to control this disease now. I have to find a way to get my mind back. They say your mind is everything and i feel as if my mind is not even mine anymore. Managing this disease requires a whole lot of lifestyle modification that is really difficult to achieve. And the craving. All i had felt from morning is not nothing but craving. I want this craving to subside. I want to gain control of my emotions and my mind. If anyone has any tips that has worked for them it would mean a lot to me if you would share it. 

[Dee Wards]

Sorry you’re struggling with this,  i get frustrated too, but what i have found is that I feel better when I actually look at my positive traits.  I’m a thoughtful person and offer a hand to those in need, like driving a senior somewhere, pet sitting, sending a get well message to friend who’s sick, etc.  I have found that i can do all those things, even if i incorporate the daydreams.  Because i create the daydream, I am successful and getting things done in both places.  I did nothing to bring this phenomenon upon myself, so i won’t fault myself for having it.  I just need to do my best and get support from those who can help me.  The better and stronger I am, the more incentive I’ll have to focus on friends, family members, work and actual fun activities.  I’m sure there are people who are more successful than me, but that’s subjective.  Some people smile outwardly, but have their own inner struggles. I never assume others are all that happy.  You never know their personal problems.  They couod be dealing with MD too.   I hope there are some therapists out there who can treat this condition.  I hope everyone around here feels better soon.  We all get down at times, but some days are really very good.  That’s why i hope for better days everyday.