Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I've noticed that many people have different types of worlds they go into. Many of them are fantasy-based, but there are also action-adventure, mystery, drama, and love-driven ones I'm sure.
So I'm typically a shy, polite girl. I'm scared of everything, especially hurting others' feelings. Others see me as kind, caring, and sweet. As an empath who just wants to make others happy, people are always shocked to hear about the terribly gory, violent horror "stories" I create. Yes, even when I first began writing my daydreams down in 5th grade (my daydreaming started when I was around 5 years old), they were still a bit disturbing for an 11 or 12-year old.
Now I'm not an angry or violent person in the slightest. (When I get upset, I take it out on myself. You'd have to do something just awful to make me angry at you.) I've thought in the past that my daydreaming could be like this because I have a pretty boring and mundane life with little control, and the anxiety/depression I've experienced may have also influenced it. Either way, my daydreaming world is the safest place for me to go. In the past I've managed to stop myself from cutting myself in the last second by immersing myself so deeply in the other world. (For you who have self-harmed, you understand how hard it is to stop yourself, all by yourself.)
Anyway, the character I possess is always the protagonist. Always a heroic and incredibly brave figure, always the one who is tortured or hurt the most. Always the one who has people who care about him as if he's changed every single one of their lives. Always the one who endures the most pain, usually physically but often mentally so as well. There are often times where I even shift the character I possess in scenes where someone different would fit that description at the time.
I've explored all kinds of horrific situations, and have even been murdered a couple times (only to come back one way or another). In my other world, I've endured death, intense beatings, stab/gun wounds, exorcisms, waterboarding (along with a long list of other methods specifically for torture and interrogation such as rat torture or white torture), kidnapping cases, lots of comas, drowning, illness, fire burns/smoke inhalation, the physical and mental pain of slowly becoming a monster, surgery (one of my phobias), dissection, lots and lots of needles/syringes, chloroform, blindness/deafness, starvation, poison, being eaten alive by beasts, soul being eaten alive by entities and demons, being possessed by a demon, choking/strangulation, struck by lightning, amnesia, hypothermia, carbon monoxide poisoning, being drugged and falling into insanity, suicide, child abuse, vampires (yes I had that phase, and ever since it was incorporated into my daydreams it's held a special place in my heart <3), hypovolemic shock, paralysis, disarthria, seizures, sudden cardiac arrest, sodium thiopental, and oh my land the list just goes on and on. I think I've made my point here. I used to always joke to myself that every single character I've ever possessed has incurable PTSD.
Sorry you had to read all that. The strange thing is, although I've explored so many different types of violence [so much that I can recite the rate in which oxygen levels drop in an air-tight room depending on the volume and the amount of people in it, recount endless facts about comas and sleep, give an abnormally long list of torture/interrogation methods along with the details of what they do, how it works, what it feels like, and the psychological affects it has on the person,] it has never crossed the line between my daydreams and the real world. I'm just another author; Stephen King was never a murderer or violent person, and neither am I. I just find so much excitement and adrenaline when I'm in those positions, fighting for an idea or to protect a person or even just myself, and I always have that support system I never had in my waking life.
Sorry, I went on much longer than I thought I would. Just some interesting things (again don't worry I'm not some serial murderer)
I'd love to hear about the genres you guys have explored, too! If you feel comfortable, share why you think you lean towards that genre and feel free to give examples since I've spoken so much here~
Thanks for your reply, NattyWP. It is indeed weird how our minds work. I have been thinking about it, and maybe (in my case) I like these kind of daydreams because I am still in control about the plot, even though I am being kidnapped or something. I think in reality, I would like to be in control in situations, but I am not. In my daydreams I am in control about how I want the plot to develop.. Does that make sense?
English is not my native language either, don't worry about grammar mistakes :)
Tea, I feel the same as you. And, as I posted before, I am a very kind person and everybody thinks I am cute and adorable.
But inside, my DDs are just like you described.
On the other hand, I know a had a few traumas in my life that could cause a self-harming DD behaviour.
I do not understand why I dream like that and why I enjoy it so much (I have fun), and sometimes I feel bad about it and blame myself for it.
It's weird how our minds work.
About your point that this kind of DDs could exist because we always want people to like and aprove us, I can see your point.
In my case, this search for being loved and admired causes anxiety and sometimes frustration, and that could affect my DDs.
Sometimes, when I am happy and calm, my DD version of myself is strong and confident. When I'm not okay, it reflects on my dreams.
I'm still trying to understand myself and my DDs.
Hope I've helped you. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English is not my mother language.
My MDD can turn out very horrific, especially when I merge into a livid situation, and the fault seems turned on me. Like people will cuss and diss about me behind my back, and insult my intelligence. The trauma drama is usually associated with my day dreaming, well, I'm in another zone and not paying attention, so things can go wrong. I may not have listened to what somebody said, and then their will be outbursts. My family always tells me I just don't live on the planet Earth. It makes me bad how many others will say this too.
My first post, and it scares me bit to write this down.. I have never told anyone about my daydreams..
I daydreamed a lot when I was younger, mostly violent daydreams... I do not think it was maladapative, I had a social live, and I had periods without daydreaming. I did it mostly in weekends and at night in bed. Can't think of any childhood trauma.
I forced myself to stop doing it when I was 18, the dreams were so disturbing I was scared it would get to a point where I couldn't distinguish what was real.. (That never happenend though.) Why was I dreaming about these horrific things while I had a pretty good life?? It helped that I moved out and started studying in another city so I was distracted of daydreaming.
But now, around 10 years later, the daydreams have come back and I found about Maladapative daydreaming and that I am not the only one.
I am really confused now.. I like the daydreams, but I also fear it will become maladaptive this time. I had a stressfull time, and I think that is why it came back.. That period is over now, but the daydreaming is still here.. Should I let go?
The dreams are violent again, with me being victim of torture etc. But it is addictive..
(In real world I am not violent at all! I want everbody to like me... maybe that is my problem?)
Sorry if this not totally on topic..
I can come out as a sweet, gentle and shy person myself, but my imagination can give you a big fright.
I daydream in a couple of different genres. Usually, I'm the main character, with a rotating ensemble. I will get "fixated" on one story line that lasts for months. I've picked out houses, wardrobes, created alternate families complete with names. Pintrest is my friend, lol.I even have conversations with the other people- out loud- when I'm alone. Occasionally, I do get violent gory fantasies about specific people who have pissed me off. I never do sci fi. Maybe because I'm not a sci fi fan to start with. Does anybody else find they get so wrapped u in the day dream they have to give themselves set times to dream, or they would get nothing else done? Sometimes I look forward to being old and retired so I can just sit and day dream all the time, and everybody will just think I'm the crazy old lady who talks to herself!
I think we have dark minds for a few reasons: we feel we're not a part of the factual world around us; we're so different, but we don't quite fit in and we live more in our heads. Everybody is very extrovert and more into the realistic grounds of life on earth, so they share far more in common with many more people than us, making us feel cut out. We are basically on our very own; living our own worlds. With that, we start to get edgier into what is happening in our own heads. We find it frustrating that people just won't accept and understand us; we are just so different and weird to them. So in our daydreams, our feelings are more extreme than what is evoked externally into the real realms of things. Extreme feelings such as fear, frustration, anger and anxiety saturate our minds, and make our dreams so very intense beyond boundaries to an extent it's scary.
Though, for other reasons, people choose to have dark minds, because it helps them escape from the mundanes of everyday reality. With all regards, my life isn't exactly the most exciting thing ever, so I will check up Youtube videos for heavy rock music or horror stories to raise me up. Many people produce dark thoughts to inspire them to do their writing, graphic novels, poetry, art, design and other approaches.
People may also have dark minds due to an event in their past or even their present. They might have it intense with people, such as peers and family members, and be unable to get along well. Poor or toxic relationships with others can actually make your world feel darker. I know for sure, because I live with my family and they're not always the greatest people to chum around with, as they can be very serious and strict. Even though I'm already a grown up, I still get into trouble with them no matter what I do to stay out. It makes me desire to just live in my own place alone, have my own privacy and forget everything else.