It didn't start on its own

[Jade]

I've read many MDer's stories on when and how it all started for them and many have no reason why. For years I wondered why I started my MD world and looking back I've come to realize it was because of my mum. She has Borderline Personality Disorder which included her suffering from severe paranoia. I wasn't allowed out much because she was scared of the outside world and kept me in and as close as possible. I'm an only child by the way, so she was very over protective. I developed a fear of the outside world because of her and became very unsociable. Now I experience anxiety when I go out, and sometimes bad panic attacks because of all the things she's put in my head over the years. I don't see my friends much anymore as she's pushed most of them Away, or should I say scared them away lol.

Anyway that's why I created my MD world, it's a place where I can control what and when things happen. I have nothing to fear there like I do here. I can experience fear there but it's all on my terms, unlike reality. Also where my mum had anger outbursts and all the other stuff that comes with BPD, it was a way of escaping the harsh reality at home. I still live with her and my MD world is a great thing sometimes, I can just disappear there when I want away from her for a while. 

I don't know if I'm in the minority with why my MD started, I hope I'm not xxx 

[Lydia Rauch]

I grew up anti-social. When I was in kindergarten I would actually bully this poor girl that just wanted to be my friend because I simply wanted to be left alone to my own daydreaming devices. (She later actually became my friend, but I still regret having been so mean to her...)
I got a little sister at six, but, as people usually come into this world, she came as a baby. You can't exactly learn to interact socially with a baby when you're already anti-social. So, I just continued to grow. Antisocially. My daydreams revolved around the antisocial business until I recognized my love for writing. I then began using that as an excuse to excessively daydream. In reality, it's like an excuse to continue crack, as Debbie said...

[Jade]

Your right it is an addiction Debbie and one that's very hard to kick. I think I'm going to be an MDer for life to be honest because the thought of stopping is just horrendous for me. As I'm still living get with my mum, I need an escape and my MD world is perfect for just disappearing for hours on end, away from her anger and sharp words x

[DebbieP.]

Perhaps starting it is a bit like drugs - some people initially try a hit of crack because they're trying to escape childhood abuse, spousal abuse, etc.  Others try it just for kicks.  Others because they're bored with life.   But regardless, once you try it for awhile - they're all addicted to crack.  After reading this board, I'm beginning to think living in fantasy land has the same pattern.  I actually was abused as a child - physically, verbally and emotionally.  But only one hospital visit so I guess I was lucky.  DD was an escape that turned into an addiction later on when life was fine.  

[Leah]

I believe my mother is the reason I started to daydream.  She was a wonderful cook, great housekeeper and showed up to every school function.  She would criticized me at every turn for not being smarter, more athletic or popular in school.  I was never good enough.  

[Jade]

Yh I've felt guilty before too because mine started because of my mum and I was never abused physically. The emotional abuse was bad though. I think it was just a way of escaping away from her as I couldn't physically. I suppose children find ways of escaping reality in their fantasy world's. Don't feel guilty I think there's many of us out there that haven't experienced bad abuse or trauma but started our MD world's because of a family member or a person who wasn't very nice  xxx 

[Grace]

I've always wondered if it was possible to start it without any real trigger, because I have a nice life. Both parents, grandparents, brothers, friends... but lately I've been thinking maybe it was because of my mother as well, she is never happy. She gets mad at every little thing, and complains constantly... But I've read other people's stories and there just so much more... Traumatic. So, sometimes I feel guilty for it, like I don't appreciate what I have, but I honestly can't help it.