CBT not working!!!!!!!!!

[greyartist]

ok, I've only made 2 entries but I don't feel any better. I read a FB post about MD being a gift. That just brought up some many terrible feelings. A place I had gone to for support, telling me it isn't a problem. There's nothing wrong with you, this is great. Why doesn't it feel great? I did the entry in the CBT diary and got all the postive statments to tell myself. Isn't helping. I felt hopeless, I just wanted to........well. I am sitting at my desk at work, crying, I can't stop. My coworker will be back from lunch any minute, I can't get it together. This F******NG gift is killing me! I already feel dead inside, it is destroying my marriage, I can barely function at work. I have no one to talk to about this. I feel like I'm going insane.

[greyartist]

what is CBT??? cognitive based therapy, I had posted before this about it and I was trying a cell phone app that uses CBT to help you log negative thoughts and oppose them. I think it takes more time for it to help, I was just in a really bad place that week.

[KwanKwan]

what is CBT???

[greyartist]

that's a great way to put it

[Geingart]

In Daydreaming (like everything else ) there are several levels.

If you have  DD level 1 or 2, is a fun gift.

If you have DD level 5,6, or 7 is a problem.

If you have  DD level 9 or 10 is a disabling disease.

[greyartist]

thanks all. I'm better today. I just had a bad day I guess. I think I'm going to leave that FB MD group, it seems to have become a place to celebrate daydreaming, it just depresses me more reminding me of how little control I have. 

Elude "It took how many years of your life to get to where you are." MD started for me in april of 2011, so alittle over a year ago. I did not DD as a child or adult(47 now), not a coping device or escape. It hit me like a mental disorder, as quickly as schizophrenia hit my son while serving in the army. So what I have may be very different from what other MDers experience. But compulsive DDs are the main symptom along with depression. At least MDers here understand what it is to deal with that part.

[Gina Black]

Also, it is not 100% true you have no one to talk...at least you have this place :) Only here I can find people to really understand me, too...My mother knows about it, but she cannot really understand, as she hasn't been through it .

The key (from my experience) to get over it is to learn listening to yourself better, find what your DDs tell you, and accept who you really are, and realize what you really want deep inside, in order to regain your control. You must be an explorer of yourself, to find what hides behind all this denial of reality. It won't be nessecarily easy, I needed around 7 years of gradual progress-veeery slow in the beginning-to get completely over it. You know, with little gradual steps. I never regretted the patience and effort, although there were moments I gave up. It's been only a few months I'm 100% out, and I'm still trying to get used in the "real world" (it is quite like rehab...) 

So don't give up, and stay around :)

Edit: there might be other reasons, exept not realizing what triggers the denial, but it is a great first step (according to what I've personally lived and heard, at least, it looks like a crucial step...I hope it hepls!).

[Gina Black]

Seeing the positive sides is one thing, but seeing a bad situation as 100% good is very,very,very wrong! If someone is on drugs, for example, you don't tell them "good for you, carry on". Whoever saw MD as a gift, they obviously don't know what it really is. If you can't escape it, it is not an escape anymore, therefore not a gift.

[greyartist]

thanks Hunter