The Person I Never Became

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I’m not the person I always thought I was. I used to believe I could become someone beautiful—someone others would naturally want to be around. But over time, I started questioning whether I was misreading things, or if something was off with how I perceived the world. Maybe it all came down to the kinds of people I surrounded myself with. Some connected with me, while others didn’t.

I never felt truly attractive, or perhaps I could’ve been more magnetic if I’d been more outgoing—if I’d shown genuine interest in others and had the courage to approach them. But I rarely did. I was often lost in my own thoughts, dreaming or overthinking, instead of engaging with the world around me.

Now, I feel like life has passed me by without the experience of meaningful relationships. To cope with that emptiness, I turned to MD as a way to fill the gaps—an escape from what I lacked. But deep down, I know I could’ve taken real steps to change things, to live more fully, if I hadn’t been so afraid.