Where wild minds come to rest
I intend to update this post many times to capture all the symptoms. So typical of my condition...repetition to get it right! :)
I am not your typical MDDer but I ruminate a lot. I even observed this condition in my father when I was a kid. As I grew older I see how my life is becoming similar to my father's. Life's big tasks are not attended and anything that is of big consequence gets postponed or delayed or not done at all because whenever I attempt to do such tasks I get lost in thoughts.
Here is a list of symptoms
- Inability to do homework from a very early age.
-If I get down to read or do anything work/study related my mind flares with different and all kinds of thoughts. I can *feel* that my mind is not ready to do it. It is not like I am running away from it, I sit down to do the task but my mind simply won't concentrate.
-Reimagining a recent social interaction in different ways each time with slightly different argument and counter argument. I can see usefulness of this in refining an idea but most of the time this replaying is not useful.
-Presenting either orally or in written format is always nerve wracking. Even after practicing public speaking for several years on a regular basis, I still cannot prepare for a speech quickly. It takes a whole weekend to do a 5 minute speech because my mind goes in to tangential directions for every point I want to make.
-Even writing this blog is a task. I postponed it a few times.
-Jumping from website to website multiple times in the middle of work day and thoughts related to those websites taking over suddenly.
-Losing track of time just before leaving the house with different thoughts
Symptoms related to Highly sensitive people this may not be connected to rumination but I feel at some level they are related.
-Going to a party or having people over leads to a burn out
-Having to do multiple tasks even smaller tasks is difficult.