3

[August]

I don't really feel like writing anything but I'll just write anyway.

I applied for a job online. I worked at this place a few years (!) ago and I'm hoping they give me a chance . It's seasonal work which I think I can handle. The questionnaire did sort of bum me out because they ask lots of questions like are you proud of what you've accomplished and are you satisfied with your life (which I am not) so I had to lie. One of the questions was something like, "Do you day dream more than most?" and I felt really weird about clicking no. I'll really have to do something about this if I get the job (a good thing of course). Having something physical to focus on should help.

I'm scared of the possible interview. In the past I got through it by telling myself "You are not August. You are [Name of Day Dream Self]". It gave me a sense of confidence but a false sense of confidence. This is making me think that maybe I should stop day dreams that help me run away from problems but focus bringing good points  that I wish I had into reality.  I don't think this makes sense exactly. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I should stop wishing and start making things happen. Even small baby steps are the start of something.

On Monday I'll be applying at another store in person. I think I'll have to borrow clothes from my sister. It makes me super uncomfortable to dress femme but I don't have a choice? I'm worried I'll feel sick but I just have to do it. I'm worried that this might trigger something. My dysphoria can be really bad at times (like I had to stop myself from crying in public). I wish someone would go with me but there isn't anyone I can ask for help concerning this. Well, I'll try.

[Sammy]

I hope you do well. You don't have to be your daydream self, but you can be a new person, that is part of real life and not a part of your daydreams. The new August. A positive person who will make friends and contribute more to real life. I hope this helps.