Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

Jessica Ballantyne's Blog (23)

Day Dreaming Sucks

Oh man. Oh bad. I left my bicycle outside my house all night, out on the road. It didn't get stolen or anything.

My parents are starting to worry about me. They think that I'm mentally out of it. Who rides on a bike all day, comes home, but forgets to store it back into the garage? It is not like an expensive car or a motorcycle—but still, it's a bicycle!

It's like with everything else going on in my life. Everything gets fucked and everybody finds out—and I'm clearly the…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 25, 2017 at 9:00am — No Comments

Can't read people's feelings

It couldn't escape my head until up to now. I do have a sexy friend, she's Indian, who thinks I'm beautiful and perfect as she sees me. Yet, I can't seem to connect with just about anyone else. I have high functioning asperger syndrome, but also I have a very special mind—an imaginative mind. A mind that excessively day dreams on ongoing moments.



This and AS both impairs my ability to drive—but also interact properly with other people, causing many to dislike me as a…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 18, 2017 at 9:09am — No Comments

Being Successful is Getting Real

I wonder if maybe i wasn't successful in life because I 'lived in my own world,' rather than having any perception of the real one that's out there. I always though I can achieve something...when really, I always fell on my face again.

For instance, I never won the fancy of any guy I've met. They either found me weird, 'not cool enough', not very smart or rather 'crazy.' Other times they called me a 'little girl', because I was tiny and baby-faced. Most times, they never 'understood…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 16, 2017 at 10:40am — 1 Comment

People think I'm weird

It is really hard to get people to like me. It's always been that way too! It hurts when so many people get ugly and condescending on you. You're just like, "What did I do, really?" Then you realize, they don't think your NORMAL. They find something very weird and off-center about you. Maybe they get "pissed" when you just stand around  appearing all awkward, stupid, 'all shut up,' but also a million miles away. They probably wonder, "Where'd she go? Why are her eyes dazed? Is that…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 14, 2017 at 3:45pm — 1 Comment

This may sound embarrassing

Has anyone's mind wondered into a funny 'comedic' world, to make you feel better, only until somebody caught you in the act, peered at where you laughed at, and then stared directly at you all horrified, as if your psycho?

Has anybody ever vitally mimicked your funny movements and gestures until your face singed in shame? Or has someone overreacted so hard, all because you didn't watch or listen, that it was penetrating?

Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 12, 2017 at 2:35pm — No Comments

Why making friends was tough

In high school, I had trouble fitting in and making friends, but could have succeeded if I had gotten out of my head. I look back at those little years and reflect on how crazy I actually was. Being a teenager, I was too young to realize that Maladaptive Daydreaming is wrong and it will put a significant effect on everything that goes on in my life. Rather I found MDD all fun and radical, making me laugh a lot, because my day dreams were consisted of comedy and exciting journeys.…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 8, 2017 at 3:18pm — 1 Comment

Was just special

I have no idea what happened...

I am so mortified and stunned and stuff. All I remember is that I've been day dreaming heavily for nearly 20 years.

I had no idea that I had Asperger Syndrome. It made me almost anti-verbal and stuff, couldn't communicate with a dime.

I daydreamed due to 'missing out' and getting frustrated by my realities. Still, it just made me more anti-verbal on people. So, everybody saw the same things. Many totally avoided me...or else they…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 6, 2017 at 12:15pm — No Comments

Day Dreams Relive Memories

Having Asperger Syndrome and being Atypical, I got 'made fun of' by others all my life. I still have bad memories of being bullied and accused of things or 'not trusted.' So, day dreaming will bring me back to those days and scare me, as if those times were yesterday. People have noticed I have a hesitant or taunted look on my face and act up all weird towards me.

It's probably because I never said anything and they don't know my life.



I am also still under my mom's…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on June 5, 2017 at 9:12am — No Comments

MDD made me nearly untalkative

It's funny. I spent many years of my life being the strong silent type. It never occurred to me what a significant degree of effect it had on everyone to extent they either got real angry, disturbed, snobbish or mean. They used to gossip all the time behind my back, even compare me to people who are already 'talkative' and 'socially acceptable.' So cruised through life with this deep chip on my shoulder. Whether read a book, did a crossword or went to work, I would be haunted with…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 31, 2017 at 4:23pm — 1 Comment

A Relationship with MDD

I do feel as if maladaptive daydreaming screwed me over like a boyfriend. It told me sweet little lies, it played games with my heart and it swept me away from opportunities. In the end, it made me look bad in front of people. MDD filled me with warm, affectionate feelings and wonderful promises in some moments. However, at other times, it was also very abusive in a real scary way, and in the end, I fell on my face all sore, bruised and stunned. It distracted my attention away from other…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 30, 2017 at 6:53pm — No Comments

Speech

I've been extremely quiet since I was 12, exactly the same age that I started MDD. I've been nearly untalkative since I was a teenager, and now that I am waking up, being too quiet actually bothers me a lot. I am afraid many people will discover it and get very turned off in a upset or burned up way. Before that, when I was littler, I was a very chirpy kid. I would blare my thoughts out at people openly, even though I was still socially inept. I even remember describing my…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 29, 2017 at 6:58pm — No Comments

nature's unexplained realities

I notice that because you don't see what you want early enough or at all anytime soon, due to nature's unexplained realities, this will cause you to MDD. People who are usually successful don't do this, because they have what they need—especially when it's no biggie to them. Also, they know better as to how things are accomplished. Kind like the movie stars, musicians and celebrity socialites out there.



For instance, I had no idea that I had Autism until I was 30. Before…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 28, 2017 at 4:28pm — 2 Comments

Everybody I've met did not MDD...in fact, they all found me nuts. Friends I have right now don't even know I do it. I'm still too scared to tell my girlfriend to this very day. In fact, she wonders i…

Everybody I've met did not MDD...in fact, they all found me nuts. Friends I have right now don't even know I do it. I'm still too scared to tell my girlfriend to this very day. In fact, she wonders if I am even listening to her, and so do others.

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 26, 2017 at 4:42pm — No Comments

deceived by the mind

How many people got deceived by their day dreams?

Maybe you lived in your own world.....Maybe you believed things would come soon...such as boy/girlfriends, job advancements, a nice apartment, social acceptance, an exciting journey.

I used to think I can chum around people and get on with them great....when in really, many in real life didn't like me at all and found me 'odd or unsettling.'

I've had so many imaginary romantic relationships. In real life, I've…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 25, 2017 at 3:25pm — 2 Comments

Trying to stay positive

I've had it bad most of my life. Not only did I Daydream excessively, but I also had Autism, so I couldn't connect at all.
So, I seldom every made any friends. Everybody I couldn't connect with, they'd usually found me rude, bitchy, weird and stupid. My parents have only liked two of my best friends, and they both remain my BFF. Other friends, I have hooked up with were weirdos. To this very day, I am still trying to find my crowd.

Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 24, 2017 at 3:46pm — 1 Comment

I can still fly

I had fulfilling memories of grade school and college, entering my adult years, it just wasn't the same. Because I did MDD for years, it set me apart from most people, because most of them noticed the 'far off look' in my eyes, or caught me laugh at nothing, or they'd hear me say something, but not directly to them, so they'd feel very uneasy—think that I'm nuts. Sometimes, I would have conversations with them, but they often found my dialogue sounded 'very dumb,' or 'so obvious,' or…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 23, 2017 at 3:00pm — 1 Comment

To Wake Up

Did anybody else feel really scared waking up from MDD? How did everybody else experience this? I feel like I got a hell of a lot to make up for.

Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 22, 2017 at 8:55am — 4 Comments

Still dig world events & politics & historical figures

When I unloaded my feelings on wild minds, it actually made a difference. I am turning into a new person. I realize that I'm not alone with MD. I realize that MD has its positives too. It's just another way of thinking and conceptualizing. Ordinary people who don't DD—think people who DD don't live in the 'real world.' I do take interest in Word events and politics at certain times—and do enjoy discussing Donald Trump and his party with my family—that is if I'm in the mood. I'm not a…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 21, 2017 at 9:28am — 1 Comment

We're all just flesh and blood...we are not dreams.

Freelancing at home on my computer, I received strong mental reflections of my past and how MDD has changed everything for me. If I had a perfectly normal mind (non-imaginative) that doesn't DD, I never would have received too much terrible and unpleasant feedback from so many people. I would have had better relationships and a circle of friends if I hadn't gone there; if my mind were different, I'd certainly pay more attention to others, be a more amiable, acceptable and respectable…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 17, 2017 at 4:44pm — 5 Comments

I'm sorry that I ever decided to MDD.... 1. When I got older, it made me more disoriented, unfocused and foggy, not to mention tired. 2. People are constantly repulsed that I don't listen. 3. I didn'…

I'm sorry that I ever decided to MDD....

1. When I got older, it made me more disoriented, unfocused and foggy, not to mention tired.

2. People are constantly repulsed that I don't listen.

3. I didn't make very many friends...nor got engaged. It makes you extremely quiet and absent around people.…

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Added by Jessica Ballantyne on May 16, 2017 at 1:54pm — 3 Comments

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