Wild Minds Network

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Vesta Harford's Comments

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At 12:17pm on May 12, 2017, Jessica Ballantyne said…

Vesta, your 18, you got time to change. Once I reached my 30's, it was like a whole new world, stepping out of MD more and more. In fact, it starts to feels weird.

At 1:15pm on May 11, 2017, Jessica Ballantyne said…

hi, i'm ready to explain

At 7:06am on May 6, 2017, Jessica Ballantyne said…

Because I am an imaginative artist, DD is part of my expressive gift and my creativity to do my artwork. But to everybody else, it's crazy...

Yes, I sort of have hyperactive deficit disorder, but I also have mild autism spectrum disorder. Yes, I spent my whole life embarrassed and feeling like a blithering idiot. I started MDD when I was 12, because I found it hard to connect with everyone. It left me lonely, green with envy, and very unexcited. So, one day I unintentionally developed another world in my head, starting with a science fiction series.

When I was 12 years old, I had no idea that this was very bad for you. I didn't THINK it would effect much of anything. I really don't know why. I was just a little kid! All immature, naive and ignorant. Now my mom thinks I deserve this....because I did it for nearly two decades. Yes, it effected any relational bonding I had with people. It made people snarky towards me, because they noticed I wouldn't talk, smile, listen and make perfect eye contact. Also, they found me really strange,...like I would just sit there quietly, or I would suddenly burst into laughs, or my eyes would twitch around the room, or I would talk to my Daydreams. So I rarely ever went on a date in my whole life, except when I was 20, and had two movie nights with a Croatian co-worker who wasn't a boyfriend. That's just it.

It got no better in College. Some teachers and students would stare hard, exaggerate my erratically nervous actions, ask me if I'm OK, or just treat me like I am so stupid. Even the workforce was a nightmare for me. I had more jobs than I can count fingers and toes together. Managers and employees found me so weird, idiotic, untalkative, slow moving, quite deaf, and anger inducing. Most of all, they were so frustrated that I just would not LISTEN...because usually, I was in a world somewhere else. My mind had the hang of it, so it was hard to stop.

I learned at age 30 that no only did I have Autism Spectrum Disorder, but I also had MDD. Although, entering my 30's, my health isn't what it once was. I found MDD to be silly and YES distracting my attention from real life itself. So all I can do now is build up from where I left off and do the best I can.

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