This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 12, 2021 at 8:05am

You're in much better shape than I am. I feel like I'm sunk. It's like I was in outer space when I was making career choices and wasn't paying attention. Now I'm fully awake and choked up about what to do next. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 12, 2021 at 7:22am

I see why I get so groggy in the morning. I wake up before daybreak, roughly 4-5, or even earlier, and then I go back to sleep. I wake up at 9 feeling shifty. It feels so bad, and can last a couple hours. I should never break my sleep cycle. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 12, 2021 at 7:18am

I still haven't officially decided on a program. It's getting overwhelming, applications are due in November. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on October 12, 2021 at 7:12am

Programming is easy if you can learn it. I tried, but it isn't getting in to my head well. I'm settling for business roles now, so that my interpersonal skills can be of some use.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 12, 2021 at 6:57am

I picked two occupational focuses that aren't the right fit for me, Drafting and Programming, so those are crossed out. I considered Interior decorating or design, but the second career program I'm in can't find one that's 52 weeks long. So now I have spend this week researching another occupation. Ugh. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on October 11, 2021 at 8:43pm

Yeah, people are far off and the pandemic doesn't make things easier. I'm considering installing Bumble or Tinder again. So let's see how it goes.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 11, 2021 at 3:13pm

I can still go out and see people, full vaccinated and with a mask. I just find it awkward looking to make friends, when their first impression is a "mask." I heard this pandemic will hold up until 2023, and I won't be waiting. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 11, 2021 at 3:07pm

My sister is going over to her boyfriend's house for dinner. I've ever been over to a guy's house to eat and stay over, and sleep. My sister socializes a lot more than I do. 

I wish that I can go out and meet guys, but I'd have to wear a mask, you can't see my face. Francine found her boyfriend through online dating. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on October 11, 2021 at 8:29am

Yeah, as for me, I'm nervous to ask someone out and I don't really know how to do internet dating at all. 

So it's tough to get dating now. But the need is still there regardless.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 11, 2021 at 8:29am

It's creepy, but I opened my head to my past. I used to not understand why people behaved how they did around me, and why I was such a target. I think maybe, I was the weakest person in all of my schools, part-time jobs too, and I didn't come across as socially normal in comparison to the other students and collegues. So I got bullied like nobody's business. Not only that, everybody was gossiping about me all at once. I think they found me a very unfortunate person in terms of friends and relationship, and they kind of took pity on me. So they got very mean, and abused me in a way it made them look better and feel powerful, as they had their own insecurities to deal with too. Basically, I allowed myself to get manipulated. Meanwhile, I lived in my own world, unable to perceive in people's emotions and the realistic world around me. 

When I completed grade school, I felt the freedom of doing things I wanted to do, but I didn't keep in mind, it is very hard out there. Just because I got to attend art school to become an artist, didn't mean it guaranteed a happy future. For one thing, what kind of salary are you going to make painting portraits? I should've immediately considered a skilled trade after completing a year or two of fine art. Apparently, I made crummy decisions that didn't work out for me, and put me in my present situation. 

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