This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 20, 2021 at 12:13pm

I find that when I attend extraverted social situations, I feel tired and I zone out, and don't even listen much. The other person wonders if I didn't sleep last night or I had a long day. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 20, 2021 at 10:22am

My dad does want me to be independent, get a job and move. I haven't been working, and I told him what program I'm interested in taking next year, but he just looked at my blankly, as though he was skeptical or something. I'm actually starting to get extremely worried. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 20, 2021 at 9:42am

You're lucky that your dad can offer you a job. It's hell in Canada getting a placement right now. Job boards are very slow. I'm sending my resume all over the place. I have the feeling I'll get nowhere this fall. Plus it's been years since I last went to College. I took my mom's word for it, but never should've listened to her. She can be such a let down. She thinks I'm not smart and liable. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on September 20, 2021 at 9:24am

Well, I want to, so badly to leave the house. Dad did offer to check on jobs in Muscat. So I have to take him up on his offer.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 20, 2021 at 7:49am

To be honest, I was so complacent that I was stupid. I thought I had all the answers, and was confident that I was going to do great. Crash and burn. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 20, 2021 at 6:49am

Another thing, my MD life seems all in vain. The consequences are really gross, I mean why did I start it? It does make you think things will be happier, better and beautiful. It's the absolute opposite, it makes your life worse. It effected every relationship and occupation in my life, and I can't drive. Moral of the story. You have to be here. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 20, 2021 at 6:44am

How are you going to leave the house? I never know when I'll finally move out. I'm still unemployed and was in and out of projects and contracts in a 17 month timeframe. I'm getting scared about graphic design, it's a hard field and companies are selecting the best candidates. I don't have a chance. I'll have to retrain into something else. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on September 20, 2021 at 6:24am

Yeah, I'm also looking for options, but bottom line, I need to get out of my house definitely.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 19, 2021 at 6:26am

It's not good for me to be crouched in during covid. It's effecting my health, so I'm hoping to be more active this fall. It's been stinking hot and humid this Summer. I've been indoors with the cool air conditioning.

I'm still hoping to get a job, otherwise, I'll be filling an application for college this January. I haven't been very productive since I got let go at my company in 2020. I'm stunned that I still haven't earned my independence. All my other peers have lives. My sister is going away to Guelph this week to pursue her Masters. 


Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 18, 2021 at 7:59am

I wish that I did things differently in the past. All I can do is learn what happened back there, and bring it forward. I have to say, being given a life with a state of mind that misinterprets reality and easily escapes into an alternative world was not fair. Especially when it made me believe in things that weren't really there. Plus, everybody who doesn't do it found me crazy. And I didn't adapt as quickly into the world as others. The whole thing just wasn't fair. Basically, I got fooled by my own MD. Maybe I felt envious and cut out, and didn't understand how people do thing appropriately in social situations. But still, I could've sought therapy for this at a very young age, but I just didn't go there. My parents were ignorant of what was going on with me, and I was ignorant too. I was complacent from the very beginning, and I didn't read those red flags blaring all around me. I lived in the land of Jessica. 



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