This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 6:00am

What bothers me is that I can't get away from certain people, especially certain guys, who badger me away for not being so talkative. I'm usually working somewhere when it happens. I hear it all the time and they even mimic what I'm like. Although, I am who I am. Still, just repeatedly hearing "your quiet," like they don't find me normal. I realize that I should strike up a conversation now and then. It's just hearing the same criticism like passages in the  bible. I'm really getting quite sick of this. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 5:51am

That is something I do have to work on, listening and paying attention to others. I tend to brush-by and go at my own business, so yeah others find that spiteful. I should really do the opposite, and thanks for telling me this. Another thing is going out to look for these people, I don't often leave my cocoon, especially since covid started. Perhaps, when the delta virus isn't bad. Probably even next year, when I'm working or starting a new program. I find that I meet my friends in an educational environment. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on September 15, 2021 at 12:51am

Yeah, I understand how you feel. I also feel out of place often, but I learnt that all it takes to make good friends, at least ones that are worthwhile and long lasting, is just being good hearted and good at listening. You don't even have to talk much, just listen to what people are saying and help them. That's all it took for me to make good bonds with people.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 14, 2021 at 6:24pm

I seem to have those mindsets that almost nobody can relate on any level. Actually, I met ordinary people who think I'm no good and suspicious. When really, I'm just a troubled intellectual who struggles to communicate and do things properly according to other people's expectations. So they think I have serious issues and aggress on my like I'm a con. This happened at every store I worked at. Even my own family has problems with trusting me. It's just, the impression I give everybody really sucks. My exterior doesn't make me look like a very good person. I do give normal impressions at first glance, but after a while, when someone finds out my true colours, they're not sure if they should get condescending or try to reason with me. Maybe I don't understand how a normal person is really supposed to behave in society. It's not that I'm saying, I'm not a normal person. I'm a very eccentric person who has a vivid imagination. I just don't get along with most of anybody, and that really hurts. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 14, 2021 at 7:38am

I realize why I haven't been in a relationship my whole life. Everybody found me lame sitting there looking all dumb and unfriendly, and assumed nobody else wanted as a friend or partner. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 14, 2021 at 7:00am

I realize that living in your own world, or a sequence of them, get's you nowhere. I was ignorant about what was going on around me. Everybody manipulated and bullied me for not sounding and appearing smart. Now my family is expressing these concerns to me too. I just feel the wool was pulled over my eyes and I've been looking forward to a future that could've happened if I had woken up to those facts and changed myself altogether. Instead I kept on drifting around, expecting things to happen, only to notice that nothing happened, only I'm older and my health isn't so great. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 14, 2021 at 6:41am

I have tried my hand at coding, and it's not bad, once you get to learn it. I thought of making this a career, but decided computer programming isn't my passion. I'm considering going into CAD Drafting because I'm fascinated by designing for properties, engineering and commercial products in 3D modelling and 2D drafts. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on September 14, 2021 at 6:25am

Yeah, I should probably do something about it as well. I should learn coding again perhaps.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 14, 2021 at 6:15am

I have no option but to train for a new career. It's just impossible to get a job in graphic design at this time. We get short selected and tested, and lucky if we get offered anything. This is a scary time for employment, and will this stupid virus will probably linger into 2023. I think it's a sign that I should make a change. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 14, 2021 at 6:11am

Instead the job board, you search into company websites on the internet and look up to see if they're hiring. You can also visit social media platforms where professionals network and talk to them about openings. 

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