This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 11:43am

I have an idea of what I want to train into. The program is to start in January. I just don't think I'll find work this fall. After all that job strategizing. Graphic design is just not working for me. I'm shooting my resume everywhere.  This is what I get for being overly complacent towards my future, without getting any experiences first. I feel like a total idiot. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on September 15, 2021 at 10:48am

I have some amount of social skills now, but not too much, I do have a good set of friends, and I'm also a good friend to people.

Now I have to make a career ASAP so that I can survive and do the things I want to do. I feel directionless for a career but I have to find it in order to live.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 10:39am

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 9:49am

MD just about made me delusional, in a way. It Made me complacent enough in believing that everything will be fine and I'll be happy, and artisting. As years passed, I learned more and more that's just life. This is reality, and I have to take sacrifices and big efforts to get ahead, or else I'm screwed. To my shock, nobody new and meaningful entered my life. I realized that I wasted my god damn time with my belief system. I'm so embarrassed that I made an ass of myself, walking about thinking in my mind things will happen. They just never did. I'm jealous of everybody else who knows what the "F" they're doing, which I don't. Probably because I don't have their brain.

Everything has just been dead calm, since I left school, as if I didn't know what to do. Like I had no social skills. Yet everybody else can make it work, because they've been succeeding at the same thing since they could walk and talk. It's just that, I didn't think and behave like them, so they made fun of me for it. 







Comment by Kiruba Victor on September 15, 2021 at 9:32am

Yeah, I don't think I'll get anywhere this year either. I have to start putting effort soon. MD made me complacent and drained and I have to work with it. Else, my mom would throw me out into the street.

I understand how that feels. I also seem uninteresting to others, but I learnt to talk better and listen more and now I have a few friends as well as friends online. Relationships, well, I still don't know if someone likes me and I'm scared to ask because of the fear things will go awkward

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 8:35am

I can only figure why I didn't get married. I don't come across as an interesting and well-accomplished person to others. I'm an extremely quiet person who hides in her room, watches the clock tick, and aimlessly applies to jobs all day, if I'm not watching videos on YouTube. Of course, I'm invisible. Guess I need to get off my ass, and do things differently. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 8:22am

Career-wise I'm very frustrated and lost. Discouraged as well. It's very hard for me to get a job. I have the feeling I'll get nowhere to December. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 7:19am

This really embarrasses me. Instead of looking out for my own crowd, which I was supposed to do...I drifted around thinking things I want will show up 'out of the blue.' I just stood and walked here and there, like an idiot, hoping someone will notice me. What I didn't realize is people will not notice you, if you're not willing to interact and talk to them. I let this go on for years! That is not healthy. I basically failed to draw new friends in at all. When I was around people, they reacted like I was a nutcase who whispered to myself or laughed for nothing, and stood out alone, not speaking to anyone. I seriously did not find anybody who was actually attracted to me, or I didn't even try. Even if I did attempt to get close to others, they often treated me like I was socially weird. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on September 15, 2021 at 6:31am

I should've looked for my own tribe in the first place. I always found myself around other tribes who were so bitter towards my demeanour and personality. It's no wonder I never heard from them again. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on September 15, 2021 at 6:24am

Yeah, they're not used to understanding people like us, who are more quiet in nature. So, like you said before, we have to find our tribes and stick with it.

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