This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Kiruba Victor on June 21, 2021 at 9:49am

Well, hopefully the pandemic gets over soon and I get to see the real world and how it will take me from my comfort zone. I guess you could say that 22 is the age we debut into adulthood and we have a WHOLE lot of things to experience. The transition from student to working somewhere is gonna be really tough on me. 

And yeah, our MD and the world we had (in my case, I still have it and looking to get rid of it soon). will definitely define us. I think to a certain extent, our beliefs can also come from there.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on June 21, 2021 at 9:45am

It's odd, the summer solstice is here. I feel like I'm nearly coming out of my world, and see how things really are outside me. It actually sucks in a way. You feel like your world is what defines you.

Comment by Kiruba Victor on June 19, 2021 at 7:42pm

People will always make a first impression based on what they see, but whether they decide to stick with it or get to know the person better depends on them. I may look like I'm antisocial on the outside but if they talk and get to know me better, will they realize that it's quite the contrary. If the person is easy to talk with, then I can easily make friends with them.

As for online dating, well, it helps to build some level of excitement during the texting phase after two people match, so it helps to set dates up a tad bit quicker than if you'd meet people in real life. A friend of mine got a date on Tinder and now they're in a pretty serious relationship.

It's quite tough when you have the need to make people like you but when you socialize, it drains your energy. It's ironic and it's a pretty big hurdle. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on June 19, 2021 at 1:23pm

What gets to me is how stupid I looked to others,..to make them instantly chuck me as a potential friend. I never realized how my lack of verbal skills really made me appear to everyone,...for them to manipulate me the way they did. It's like you know your self very well. But they don't know squat and will take it by what they see. I wasn't ever perfect, and had trouble expressing myself efficiently as far back as I can remember. It's sad how many people just don't have the time and patience...and decide to just not like you. Even my relatives behaved this way. Point is, I've been chasing fantasies of things that never were. It was my responsibility to make everything work out and for people to like me as a person. But I guess I failed to do this, while I was busy living in my head. I've learned next time to speak my mind and not get lost in worlds. Frankly, I don't think I ever knew how real people felt to be around me, observing my oddball behaviour. I do recall how much they hinted, teased and asked repeated questions. It's just, it makes me sick that I didn't pick this up in advance. Or maybe I was too young and immature to get it. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on June 19, 2021 at 12:43pm

Recently, I realized I've been chasing dreams that might've come true if I took the correct course of action. For instance I have this habit of trudging down the coastlines miles from my house or through the parks, thinking I might meet someone. I now see that just doesn't happen. Just this weekend my sister met a guy online and went on a date with him in the city park, with no struggle. I don't believe in online dating, prefer seeing others in person. Call me old fashion. But it seems to be what people are doing these days. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on June 19, 2021 at 12:37pm

I feel that people judge me straight away on my worst assets, most notably not talking enough. I think that I come across as very boring to them, and it burns them up. I can strike up a good long conversation as long as the person I'm with is easy to talk with. We can speak at each other's level. I've met people who noticed I sound serious or obvious, or not too bright. Others are Ok to converse with and don't mind what I have to say. I depends on the situation and making sure I'm wide awake. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on June 18, 2021 at 8:26pm

Yeah, there will always be people who will push and hurt others who are not like them, but that comes from their own insecurity and ignorance.

I'd also love to meet someone who'd get to know me better instead of judging me from appearances straightaway. I've also learnt not to judge anyone based on appearances and stereotypes.

And also, for me, if someone is into gaming and tech, I can pick up a conversation and keep continuing it for a long time, but I also like people who are passionate about something that when they talk about it, they manage to get me interested in it as well. That's how I got into watching Formula 1 when I don't watch sports too much.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on June 18, 2021 at 6:12pm

The only crowd I can ever relate to are the artistic people. Etc. dancing, literature, performance and fine arts. I don't seem to do it for any other crowd. Maybe that's why I was confused and lost in the beginning. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on June 18, 2021 at 2:00pm

Thing is the more I get out in public and see people, the more they pick up on my odd appearance, and get judgemental from there. It's like they can quickly pick up that I don't interact at all...and I might even me slow. That is before they even get to know me better. So I'm hoping to meet someone who doesn't do this. It's a very boring story that goes back to when I was six, but I'll spare the details.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on June 18, 2021 at 11:08am

I guess that I was a bit hard on myself. I thought people carried on how they did towards me was my problem. It wasn't. They were the problem. I was just their punching bag. I should've known this all along. But it took me years to wise up and see this as a fact, by years of analysis. I never saw those jerks again, and luckily I didn't know all their names. 

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