Just wandering around the internet I see so much angst in creativity. I thought well OK I have a really dark imagination that's not too weird, yes as I'm seeing that's not really the case with MDD. I mean is there anyone else out there who has really dark daydreams? Mine are very much so, filled with all kind of misery and horror. Any single daydream story (I have them all imagined out as fully fleshed stories with beginnings and ends dunno if that's normal but I don't care) can simply end with me (of course I'm never actually myself) and/or other people in it dying. Which almost feels like mercy killing sometimes. Egh lemme tell you one story to try and give some perspective. 

This was back about...6 ish years ago...Also you've been warned that it contains suicide. 

Anyway...I can't remember how it came about or what inspired it but the background was there was a special power that existed which could only be obtained through a near death experience (I think one could get it if in the moments between life and death they could control their spirit and travel to a special place...I dunno that little detail was never full worked out). So the central character, Conall, was seeking this power to take revenge on the man who murdered his wife, said murderer was rumored to already have this power. Not gonna detail all of the middle events but the gist is Conall got this power, stuff happened. Like people trying to change his mind, another woman kept trying to win his affection but he was too distracted...In the end he got his revenge...Aaaand then killed himself. I could break down and dissect the reasoning behind that but it's more or less irrelevant to this topic. But yeah, not exactly a pleasant thought, yet somehow rather enticing. 

I'm not necessarily embarrassed of them or anything, some I'm really quite proud enough of that I write them out and share them, but it seems something is off when death and destruction sounds more appealing than your life.

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That's really interesting to me, "death and destruction" in my daydreams are usually about a character's dark past — there aren't very many suicides in my daydreams because the characters save each other from suicide. Maybe you daydream about dark things just because they're enticing, and the emotions you get from detailing out those dreams are more appealing than emotions you get from your life? Also, that daydream story could be a really interesting book series. 

Well something here is more appealing than normal life. I'm just saying it seems backwards that something like that is an escape. Not gonna lie though, thoughts of suicide are something I deal with regularly. 
On another note, that story has been made into pictures and a series of songs and poems all of which are unfortunately long lost.

Audrey Germany said:

That's really interesting to me, "death and destruction" in my daydreams are usually about a character's dark past — there aren't very many suicides in my daydreams because the characters save each other from suicide. Maybe you daydream about dark things just because they're enticing, and the emotions you get from detailing out those dreams are more appealing than emotions you get from your life? Also, that daydream story could be a really interesting book series. 

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear that :( Maybe your suicidal thoughts and dark daydreams are connected? I think there are some people with MDD that dream up violent stories just because it's what their minds prefer. 

rise13eyond said:

Well something here is more appealing than normal life. I'm just saying it seems backwards that something like that is an escape. Not gonna lie though, thoughts of suicide are something I deal with regularly. 
On another note, that story has been made into pictures and a series of songs and poems all of which are unfortunately long lost.

Audrey Germany said:

That's really interesting to me, "death and destruction" in my daydreams are usually about a character's dark past — there aren't very many suicides in my daydreams because the characters save each other from suicide. Maybe you daydream about dark things just because they're enticing, and the emotions you get from detailing out those dreams are more appealing than emotions you get from your life? Also, that daydream story could be a really interesting book series. 

Have you seen the series the AO? it's about the same thing you are talking about, that people get some sort of power from a near death experience.  It's interesting. You should write it down, sounds like it could be an exciting story. A silver lining to MDD is that we can create really good stories and become successful writers. About the stories being sad and depressing, it's something I can recognize. Sometimes we watch sad/dramatic/tragic movies to entertain ourselves. It's the same with these kinds of daydreaming. If we are bored or are trying to avoid something, it can be more appealing to entertain ourselves with a thrilling story. It's just that for us it happens inside of our head, so we don't necessarily need a movie to watch to get entertained. But it could be a deeper reason behind it, do these daydreams ever make you cry? Are you sad when you choose to daydream about sad things? I noticed that I would daydream about tragic and sad things, when I was sad and needed to cry. When I was getting bullied and traumatised I lost my ability to cry, I just could not anymore. If I got really sad I would just get a painful lump in my throat that could even make it hard to breath, but no tears would be shed. Later it just created an automatic reflex where my sadness would just bounce right back in to my chest. I got emotionally numb. This is actually a very bad thing. Later I would daydream about something sad, because I would get so emotionally wrapped up in the stories that I would start crying, and it would relief some pressure, even if the daydreams had nothing to do with the thing that made me sad in the first place. It became a outlet for built up emotion, but without actually dealing with the problem. So it's an outlet and a way of avoidence, at the same time. It can give us the comfort we are supposed to get from other people.

Never heard of it, but I, not really surprised something like that already exists. I'm far too full of story ideas to write them down in their entirety. Most of them I make a list of with a brief summary or the general concept written with it, but only particular ones make it into full stories. Because I do not have the intellectual capacity to write about everything I'd like to.

I'm not a crier in general, or at least try not to be. I don't show a lot of emotion, when I do you have to know what to look for to recognize it. Crying is a no-no. Honestly nobody could concoct anything that would make me feel worse than I already do. Well I guess small fluffy things were hurt......That's a bit off topic. 

Louise ström said:

Have you seen the series the AO? it's about the same thing you are talking about, that people get some sort of power from a near death experience.  It's interesting. You should write it down, sounds like it could be an exciting story. A silver lining to MDD is that we can create really good stories and become successful writers. About the stories being sad and depressing, it's something I can recognize. Sometimes we watch sad/dramatic/tragic movies to entertain ourselves. It's the same with these kinds of daydreaming. If we are bored or are trying to avoid something, it can be more appealing to entertain ourselves with a thrilling story. It's just that for us it happens inside of our head, so we don't necessarily need a movie to watch to get entertained. But it could be a deeper reason behind it, do these daydreams ever make you cry? Are you sad when you choose to daydream about sad things? I noticed that I would daydream about tragic and sad things, when I was sad and needed to cry. When I was getting bullied and traumatised I lost my ability to cry, I just could not anymore. If I got really sad I would just get a painful lump in my throat that could even make it hard to breath, but no tears would be shed. Later it just created an automatic reflex where my sadness would just bounce right back in to my chest. I got emotionally numb. This is actually a very bad thing. Later I would daydream about something sad, because I would get so emotionally wrapped up in the stories that I would start crying, and it would relief some pressure, even if the daydreams had nothing to do with the thing that made me sad in the first place. It became a outlet for built up emotion, but without actually dealing with the problem. So it's an outlet and a way of avoidence, at the same time. It can give us the comfort we are supposed to get from other people.

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