Day 1

[Jordan]

12 years.....

 

thats how long i been living in my mind......... half my life inside a world i created to escape the pain i felt to escape the truth, the pain of being me the pain i felt as a child from the things i went through......

 

12 years.....no matter how many times i repeated it no matter how i said it, it wouldnt give me back those 12 years as i sit here i think my life wouldnt be the same without daydreaming it would be boring nothing to talk about no sense of creativity or imagination.....but its gotten to the point i can no longer live life, i dont fall in love, havnt even had a romantic relationship in 3 years, i lost the only friends i had left, i mean lets face it they were gettin tired of my usual dissapearing act......i looked out my window today and the world outside no longer seemed real

 

i feel trapped, my mind has become my prison and im being buried alive.....all i can think to myself is that its time for change i say it outloud to convince myself im doing the right thing and going back was not an option its day 1 i say to myself i repeat it.....as to give it time to sink in, but not matter how much i say it or how often i been here before its almost like deja vu but i have to do this i have to be ready for this because another 12 years is not an option

 

but can i face the truth i spent so long running from can i one day look in the mirror and like who i am can i keep the world in my head without letting it take over my life or am i doomed to repeat the past and make the same mistakes twice

im not half the man i want to be i been here so long taking on so many personalities ive lost myself in this world forgotten who i am forgotten all the things that made me who i was and who i hope to be again

 

Day 1 and im hoping that i can take you on this journey with me so i know im not alone

[Dusty Rose O'Connor]

It can be done. It has been done. I wish you all the best in the world in your journey. Please keep updating.