Er- Um- Hi

[Alvy]

I never really have done this before, telling my thoughts and stuff for people to read but I decided to just do it. I'm feeling really glad that I found a site like this. All this time I thought I was all alone with this sort of problem. I thought there was just something wrong with me. 

I started my MD problem when I was about six. At first it was to escape my abusive father but then the reasons kept changing. During my teen years it was to escape the pain of just being a teen. Now that I'm an adult it's too escape reality itself. I seriously hate life, and when I say hate I mean HATE. I don't want to sound like some crying poopface but it's true. I've dealt with my share of depression. I was actually suicidal a great deal of my life and had to be watched 24/7. But I'm through that now. MD is a major part of my life and I feel that at times, it's what keeps me going. 

I feel like I want to stop but then I feel like I don't. Whenever horrible things happen to me in my life I always remember that I at least have my MD and it puts a smile on my face until I realize that it isn't real. 

The story I have in my head has been replaying for over two years now. It's hard to live my life because of it. I had to quit school because of it and it's hard to find work as well. Of course no one knows about my problem. Not my friends nor family. I never intend to tell them about it, it's for me only. However I do need to always come up with excuses why I'm not being very successful in life. Having this issue is making me feel like a loser with no life.

I really have no idea why I'm writing all this for strangers to read but since I learned of this site I've been having that urge to just say it. I'm sure no one would really care about my specific story. I'm just rambling I guess.

Anyway about three months ago, since I do nothing but daydream, I've decided to write books about a few of the things that are in my head. Since I spend so much time doing it, I'd might as well  put it to some good use. I've always been a decent writer, or at least I think so.

I could ramble for hours but I don't really feel like it at the moment. I just want to say that I feel relieved that their are people out there like me, or at least somewhat like me. I know we're all unique, in a way, okay I'll stop now.

[taffle]

Hello Jake! I was in a similar situation as you. In the past few years, I lived far away from home and felt very depressed, thinking that I'm better off being dead than alive, and questioning the purpose of life. I transferred from school to school and didn't fit in anywhere. It's as if I was unwelcome everywhere I go. I also feel like a loser because right now, I have no job and my social skills suck. But when I found this forum, I feel like I can fit in because there are people here who share the same problems that I have. I think you've come to the right place.                 

[greyartist]

welcome Jake!

[Roobles]

Hi jake,
thanks for sharing your story,

Sometimes it helps to ramble on here as there is no one here thats judges you as we are all basically the same.

I'm like you in that when anything bad happens i always know my secret life is always there, its difficult to say it isnt real when u wish so badly it to be real and feel for the characters like you would feel for your close family and friends.

Have u ever shown your written work to anyone?

I've found that MD is a form of creativity and this creativity needs to be realised somehow be it through writing, art, drama ect i've still yet to find my niche.

I look forward to reading more of your blog posts :-)

[sue peake]

i just wanted to say hi jake.im glad you found the group and know you are not on your own in this situation.

im a 41yr old woman.i know only too well what its like to suffer a long time feeling that its you and that you are alone at that.

welcome anyhow.

well done also for deciding to do something with your md.we arnt all able as some dont have writing skills that enable us,time maybe or for lots of reasons,but i applaud you for doing what you can.

best wishes sue.