The Lost Self

[MARISHA SINGH]

Usually in my daydreams, I am this highly well-read and eloquent person speaking on very intellectual subjects in an assembly of people I know in real life and everyone of whom I wanted to impress with my skills and prove that I am capable, but for a myriad reasons couldn't(and those reasons including MD's excruciating by product-OCD,atleast in my life,are a discussion for another day)However the point that I seek to broach today is this that In my daydreams I feel more alive than and more real than I am ever am in reality.I also feel like I have touched upon a different dimension of my intelligence which receives an unhindered expression while I am making those imaginative speeches in my dreams! That's why my decision of ending MD (which shall probably take generations to translate into reality,though I have set a date,by which I hope to reduce it considerably) is always accompanied by a fear of self-loss.
As if I would lose who I am,which finds such unfettered,unrestrained expression in my dreams,If I end this complicated coping mechanism. It's almost as if my body is here but my personality is trapped in the MD terrain!