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Hi, I am 18. I've been out of high school for 4 1/2 months. I was a child deprived of loving parental figures (specifically a loving mother figure). While I was in high school there was a teacher and I was enrolled in her class for a semester. She was very nice to me, and would engage in conversations with me about things I liked and things we both liked in common (mostly of the beauty of nature). I would daydream of having more conversations with her about the same kinds of things, and eventually I came up with this very detailed complex recurring "daydream world" where she was my mother, and I was her 4-year-old daughter. But I've always felt like I'm a 4-year-old in the real world since February of 2013 (since I've learned that I don't have to be who people want me to be, and that it's okay to be myself even if no one likes how I am). I've been going to this daydreaming place practically ever since I met her 2 1/2 years ago. I can remember every conversation I've ever had with her, and everything she's ever taught me. She's such a kind woman. I even managed to get a picture of the both of us together with her permission, and it's just about my most prized possession; I put it in a frame and decorated it with pretty stickers. I give it hugs everyday, somehow thinking she is actually receiving them. I even made her a handmade card that I gave her on the Thursday before Mother's Day (Sunday), that she assumed was a teacher appreciation card-being that the week I gave her the card happened to be teacher appreciation week lol. I did mean for it to be a Mother's Day card though, since that was what her significance in my "life" (the daydreaming world) was. She told me she loved the card, and it brought her a great amount of happiness, and that of course made me just the happiest person ever that I could bring her so much happiness. Since that card, I've made her a tremendously large amount of more art and things I know she likes from conversations I've had with her, and I shamefully and reluctantly say some internet information I've gathered about her. I care about her so much and I have such immense love for her as my mother; unfortunately, she is not my real mother... But as of lately I have this urge to just tell her everything, show her more of the pretty pictures I've made for her, and some of the silly songs (which I should call jingles since I have absolutely no musical talent lol) of appreciation I've written for her, and to tell her about my feelings none of which are at all romantic nor in any kind of a crush way; my only feelings for her are how I love her as a daughter loves her mother. For some reason I can't let go of this sort of foolish hope that she'd want to be my mother. I wish for it everyday.
Any advice?

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Comment by I. Hanna on October 6, 2014 at 9:09pm

@Lewis Feeny Thank you for your encouragement! The most trivial things to other people, can mean the most to someone who cares. I value every memory I've had with her, she's such a gem of a person to know. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I keep remembering that you have to take big risks to get great rewards; then I think about how much it would break my heart if she was to not be okay with all of this. But I know I'm strong, and I would get past that if it was to happen. But mostly I'm optimistic and happy about what might happen! :) I've even taken up a completely new art hobby so I can make her a gift for the winter holidays! I've just lately started to jot down the big main points of what I'm going to say to her. I'm really optimistic about everything!

Comment by I. Hanna on September 27, 2014 at 11:50am

@Selena I did not tell her anything yet, I haven't had any contact with her since a couple of weeks before I graduated. I don't know for sure HOW I'm going to tell her though, should I Facebook her a very long message, or tell her in person at the school, I don't even know, any suggestions? I may have posted this a week ago, but it's definitely still a current thing I'm always dealing with. I will definitely tell her about it sometime before December, I'm working on a GIANT (30inx40in) painting for her right now, and when I was done with that I was going to either deliver it to her at the school myself, or give it to a trusted current student that I know, that I'll be certain they'll deliver it and keep it safe. Thank you for understanding my situation.

@Silla Bakht That must be an awful thing to have gone through, I'm sorry for your loss. A mother-daughter relationship is a missing, cherished gem in my life. I have SO much love and care to give, and I've directed it all towards her; her kindness and care towards me has impacted my life so deeply and positively. I am going to tell her :) Thank you.

Comment by Silla Bakht on September 27, 2014 at 8:43am

I can understand hanna reading your whole makes tear in my eyes I have passed through the same feelings and situations in my past.Unfortunately my mother died when I was 9 and after that till now I am a totally disturbed person.I can sense your feelings for her.I think you should tell her and may be she don't mind because you have a problem

Comment by KHR on September 27, 2014 at 7:35am

I completely understand how you feel, I know this is a week old, but did you tell your teacher how you felt? How did that go?

Comment by Tanya on September 24, 2014 at 12:51am

your welcome hanna :)...i really glad to know that my exprience might have helped you gain confidence.i hope that you are successful.

Comment by I. Hanna on September 21, 2014 at 8:23am

Thank you for your empathy about my situation. I know what you mean about the fear people will think of you as a freak; it makes me feel like everybody is paying attention to me everywhere I go, and it makes me not want to color pictures with my pack of crayons in public. In reality no one is probably even looking at me in the first place, so I always end up coloring in public anyways because I really like to color. lol It helps to remember that the people who are going to think of me as a freak are the people I wouldn't want to be around anyways. 

I really think I'm going to tell her! :) She already has a son though; he's just a couple of years younger than me. I don't want her to support me financially-which is one of the main responsibilities as a parent-because since I'm 18 I've already got that handled lol. I just would love for her to regularly be in my life, and if it turns out that she has similar feelings about it towards me that she would love me as her daughter, to be able to be around her and openly tell her just how much I care about her, and love her, to show her all of the pretty pictures I made her, and to make her plenty more pictures all made by the happy memories she's given me and the warm fuzzy felling in my heart when I think of her happy smile or funny things that she's said. You're support of my situation is really helping me gain more confidence about actually doing this. Thank you. :)

Comment by Tanya on September 21, 2014 at 6:25am

hey hanna i can understand what you are going through coz i hve felt the same abt some ppl in d past.....i too hve a kind of dysfunctional family and im an unwanted child( it took me almst more than 10 yrs to figure wat was wrong wid my famiy).nwys i also wanted to tell those ppl how i felt but i thought why not 1st tell them abt my MD coz then they might understand my situation better. But unfortuantely nobodys believed that MD is real n they told me that it happens to everyone and it goes away with age.After that i just couldn't tell them about my feelings. Also i have always had his fear that ppl might think me to be some sort of freak. but if you really like this teacher n think that she might undertsand(which i think she might from your description of her) you tell her abt ur feelings. u might also wanna tell her ab ur MD n family situation for her better understanding if u like.but  u can never really knw how she might react so all u can do is tell her(if u want) n hope for d bst.

all d best!:)

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