Where wild minds come to rest
Hi, I am 18. I've been out of high school for 4 1/2 months. I was a child deprived of loving parental figures (specifically a loving mother figure). While I was in high school there was a teacher and I was enrolled in her class for a semester. She was very nice to me, and would engage in conversations with me about things I liked and things we both liked in common (mostly of the beauty of nature). I would daydream of having more conversations with her about the same kinds of things, and eventually I came up with this very detailed complex recurring "daydream world" where she was my mother, and I was her 4-year-old daughter. But I've always felt like I'm a 4-year-old in the real world since February of 2013 (since I've learned that I don't have to be who people want me to be, and that it's okay to be myself even if no one likes how I am). I've been going to this daydreaming place practically ever since I met her 2 1/2 years ago. I can remember every conversation I've ever had with her, and everything she's ever taught me. She's such a kind woman. I even managed to get a picture of the both of us together with her permission, and it's just about my most prized possession; I put it in a frame and decorated it with pretty stickers. I give it hugs everyday, somehow thinking she is actually receiving them. I even made her a handmade card that I gave her on the Thursday before Mother's Day (Sunday), that she assumed was a teacher appreciation card-being that the week I gave her the card happened to be teacher appreciation week lol. I did mean for it to be a Mother's Day card though, since that was what her significance in my "life" (the daydreaming world) was. She told me she loved the card, and it brought her a great amount of happiness, and that of course made me just the happiest person ever that I could bring her so much happiness. Since that card, I've made her a tremendously large amount of more art and things I know she likes from conversations I've had with her, and I shamefully and reluctantly say some internet information I've gathered about her. I care about her so much and I have such immense love for her as my mother; unfortunately, she is not my real mother... But as of lately I have this urge to just tell her everything, show her more of the pretty pictures I've made for her, and some of the silly songs (which I should call jingles since I have absolutely no musical talent lol) of appreciation I've written for her, and to tell her about my feelings none of which are at all romantic nor in any kind of a crush way; my only feelings for her are how I love her as a daughter loves her mother. For some reason I can't let go of this sort of foolish hope that she'd want to be my mother. I wish for it everyday.