This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Kiruba Victor on Thursday

Nah, it's alright. I just got caught up in this loop of wake up, play, eat, sleep. And plus the daydreaming too, which gives me hurtful scenarios these days.

I do want to impact others' lives in a good way myself, but I wonder how much have I actually done.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Wednesday

In order to make yourself happy, you need to make others happy first. What I did was think only of myself. I lived in the world of ME. It doesn't come across very well with others. Basically, they spat at me. Moved on without me, of course. It's the impression I gave others, that was the problem. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Wednesday

Pardon all my messages. It's the full moon tonight and it raises my energy levels. Gives me so many thoughts. 

I think my real problem is that I wasn't interactive. I wasn't approachable on people, and I wasn't talkative around them. So this infuriated them and they turned away from me. 

I daydreamed about what I wanted for years...but I didn't stop to think, "Wait a second, nothing ever gets better or shows up, what's going on? Am I doing something terribly wrong?" I do recall receiving lots of negative feedback on a constant basis by others. 

Daydreams do make you feel better, temporarily, but they are just not real life. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Wednesday

This is what I want and not want...

I don't want that kind of attention, where people are staring at the fact I have a social disorder, and all the assets that come with it (smiling, talking, interacting, eye contact, hearing). 

I do want people to look at me like I'm a person, not a label. I want them to like me and want to hang out with me. Accept me for who I naturally am, not what's suggested of society. I want to find someone who actually wants to date me and be my friend. 


Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Wednesday

I remember when I was younger, I used to stare out into the distance too often. I was socially deprived like I am today, but I couldn't figure out why. People kept making the same remarks towards me, and didn't like me as a person. I was frustrated that is something I can never change. That's probably why I was quite the daydreamer. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Wednesday

I had a choice (before covid) to get out of my cocoon and make a difference. I don't know what discouraged me to begin with. There are loads of things to do in the city. I think the problem is many "grown ups" do things at night time, because they go to work in the day. I'm not a night hawk or anything like that. I almost don't ever go out at night, especially when there is a deadly virus. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Wednesday

And yet, their behaviour and actions can be cruel or damaging. They don't even say sorry later on, after they eventually grow up from that. They just disappear forever, leaving you with the memories. It's like, "So sorry, I was a kid, and I behaved like a jerk, and and low self-esteem, but that was a long time ago. So long." 

For years, I mingled with different crowds that I did not get on with at all. I'm so glad I never saw them since. I sometimes wonder if they affected other people the same way. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on Wednesday

Yeah, mean people are looking for chances to bully others. So it's not really us. It's them who are at fault really. You can't persuade someone who is prepared to do something, to go the other way.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Tuesday

I was so quiet all my life, that I literally made everybody "think" I'm so stupid. I got dissed, cursed at, bullied, demeaned...you name it. There are a lot of mean people out there. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on Tuesday

White people can actually marry whoever, even another race. We're not so limited to traditions. 

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