Where wild minds come to rest
Daydreaming excessively for 20 years, I am beginning to see how day dreaming has put an immense impact on my life. Seeing that I struggle in both the career and relationship sector at the age of 31. It effected my power to listen, speak, interact and concentrate on anything for a lengthy amount of time. I have met dozens of people who clearly evaluated my lack of oral communication skills, which included listening carefully and carrying on conversations. Others were critically hard on how little I really thought things out on a problem solving scale. Overall, whenever I really tried to socialize with people, they've seen too many errors in my public appearances and reactions, let alone, my inability to talk that much.
I live with my mother who constantly presses on the fact "I don't live on the planet earth." She could tell when I simply will not follow her at all. Today, it scared me, while in the car with her, how little I absorbed what she said.
MDD has also made me appear so ridiculous in public, perhaps even "nuts." I have a habit of just going out in public, but talking rampantly to an imaginary friend, whether I'm biking down a road or entering a few stores. I have even caught myself mentioning things to an invisible someone, while surrounded by people in a food court. The thing is, I have spent too much time alone. My mom is rather insensitive to this and always demands I see a psychiatrist. Whereas, my dad is more in tune that my acts are just a part of my day dreaming.
When I was in grade school, though I can't blame them, I got teased and harassed for doing weird shit associated with my day dreams. Peers picked up on my funny eye movements, staring at the ceiling, laughing at nothing, gyrating in a chair and 'appearing' talking to myself. It was terribly hard to make friends because everyone found me freaky. Even in college,
I found it hard to blend in. I was so different and disconnected from other students. I could tell some of my college peers didn't agree with me either, found my behavior rather 'bizarre and unsettling.' Otherwise, I was so very quiet that it was hard to notice me in the scene.
Leaving college with a degree, I envisioned doing spectacular things in the design industry. However, nailing an interview wasn't the easiest. I had loads of coaching and advising on interviews, perfecting resumes and job hunting skills at my local employment center. I would get a job, which I thought would last, only I'd get terminated within days, weeks or months because of my difficulties with communication, but also mentally "staying with it." A couple employers have caught me day dreaming and were so irate about it, they even raised their voices at me. So in future, I often did freelance graphic design projects in my home office, which turned out successful. Currently, I am a graphic designer for a car part's online store.