I thought I was the only one who did this.

[Tara]

I've been maladaptive daydreaming for years, except I always called it 'inventing', and I thought I was the only one. I never normally talk about this as I just think I sound mad. I can't remember what I googled, but the other day I stumbled on the concept of Maladaptive Daydreaming and went: oh, it's a thing with a name!

I've recently started therapy and I mentioned something about my fantasies, and how I research them, to my therapist. I said: "You must think I'm a total freak." He said: "What have you said that would make me think that?" I haven't told him much about it all yet, but he said it seemed like a very creative way of escaping from my life.

That's how it developed for me: a coping mechanism to escape from a difficult childhood. I dissociate physically, and will withdraw inside my own head when I do so. Somewhere along the line, I started kitting out the inside of my head with fantasies. My MDing always involves inventing an alternative life for myself. Sometimes it's a good one, sometimes not, either because I want real life to seem better in comparison, or because I have some weird fantasies. Sometimes it's based on elements of people I know, and sometimes it's totally made up.

I do a lot of research, and that's kind of part of the MDing. Like, I always look up astrology charts to find the right one for the character I'm inventing, and I'll imagine it's my star chart that I'm looking up.I'm doing it less these days, because there are more things in my real life that I want to keep, especially since I got married. I kind of have this system with MDing, where I'll decide what elements of myself I want to keep and what I want to reinvent. Anything from my hair to the house I live in. I still turn to it when things get really difficult. I have to invent full names for everyone and come up with all their birthdays, their jobs and so on.

I've noticed that therapy seems to be an MD-free zone. I never reimagine my therapy sessions in my head, I haven't imagined an alternative therapist and, if I daydream or fantasise about something happening there, it involves me, as I actually am. Which is the first time I've ever allowed my real self into my own fantasies. I'm focusing more on real life right now, but Tara is the name I currently use when MDing rather than my real name.

[Tara]

Oh yes, I do the appearances too - clothes, furniture, everything. The locations have to be real, but then I imagine what's inside the houses.

Thanks for your comment. I'm still marvelling at the fact that it's not just me!

[Iris]

Hi Tara, welcome to this site. I felt the same relief when I found this site. Sometimes I think how sad it is, that not everyone knows about it. There must be thousands (millions?) of daydreamers worldwide, everyone keeping it as a secret, thinking they are the only ones, thinking they are freaks.

My daydreaming started when I was a child and felt very lonely. Like you I have a detailed dreamland, with locations/houses, people (including their appearance like haircut, clothes), furnitures ... but I never daydream about myself.

I'm sure this site can help you - it is good for us to have each other.