Hi everyone. So, I was doing pretty good for a while, up until just a week or maybe two weeks ago. I was doing good, not only with Maladaptive Daydreaming, but depression and stuff like that as well, but now it's like everything that's happened in the last few years is hitting me really hard.

Those things that happened in the last few years are Maladaptive Daydreaming, depression caused from obsessing over things I try not to think about, and other things that I can't remember at the moment. Anyway, right now I'm fourteen and in 8th grade and it's just starting to hit me really hard that I have to worry about things that other people my age don't have to worry about. I have to deal with things they don't. I feel like I have a barrier around myself, blocking me from the people I interact with during the day. I feel so, so, so different from them all. I feel like a different species from the people in my classes and my school. I'm not that different, but I feel different. The barrier is blocking me off of my friends too. I'm not actually spending less time with them, but I don't show myself (as in what I'm dealing with) as much as I used to, therefore, blocking myself off. But my friends don't notice much. They don't really notice how much I'm hiding. No one notices how much I'm hiding, and I'm talking about much more than MD.

Anyway, just wanted to get this off my chest. Feeling like this barrier is blocking me from people hasn't been happening for too long, but I'm starting to get a bit scared of that and some things that I have not mentioned in this blogpost.

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Comment by samurai on January 28, 2013 at 9:44pm

I don't know why; but everyone feels special about themselves! Actually it's good. If you are not feeling special about yourself, you will lose interest in your life. Don't worry about it. Enjoy it !

Comment by Dusty on January 26, 2013 at 6:47pm

I definitely know what you mean here :C. Just the feeling that everyone else's lives (and minds in our case) are so much more straightforward and simple that they're on a different level from us, I've always felt like a different species as well like I'm totally different from everybody in some fundamental way.

Rationally I think a lot of people who are different in some way experience this type of feeling of separateness. It seems like a common thing that comes up in discussions of such but if you think about it rationally, we all have the same basic wants, needs and fears as everybody else on earth, just maybe expressed in different ways as a result of differing habits, pasts and circumstances. But that makes us still fundamentally the same :3.

Comment by littleschrodinger'scat on January 24, 2013 at 6:49pm

Wow, I feel exactly the same. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. It sucks, but it's nice to know that others are going through the same thing.

Comment by KwanKwan on January 23, 2013 at 1:47pm

OMG you and i are exactly alike. I have barriers too, and most aren't caused by MD. I have a bunch of health problems that i dont want to bore you with. But yes i know how you feel. Just try your best and hang out with people that make you feel good. and just relax and slowly try to change things that make you feel insecure. Thats what i'm trying to do.

Comment by Pascale on January 23, 2013 at 5:24am

You say your friends do not notice how much you are hiding. Do you notice how much they are hiding. Some may speak all the time, mock everybody or mean that nothing matter except one special hobby. Just different kind of masks. All tenager have the same problem: adapt to a new body and try to find out who you are and what is meaning of life. I wish somebody had explain that to me when I was 13. I thought I was so different, and one day I find I was not, and I don't know what was worse.

Comment by Elizabeth Moore on January 22, 2013 at 10:27am

I can sympathise with the feeling of having to cope with more than everyone else your age, although the challenges I faced were different. I know it's difficult, and I'm not very good at giving advice about this sort of thing, but you get through it, and the older you get the more your friends are able to understand. Even if you have a counselor already, but I would recommend speaking to other adults you trust and telling them as much as you can. It feels good to talk to someone who's seen a bit more of life. Obviously here's good, too. Just so long as you don't feel you have to deal with everything on your own.

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