This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Kiruba Victor on November 13, 2021 at 6:32pm

Yeah, I understand how you feel. I feel like I might be a late bloomer as well, but hey, I still hold on to the saying that "Life finds a way" And it will for you too. I'm looking for jobs in IT which aren't many left anymore.

Yeah, I probably need to hit the gym as well. I have no physical activity, and I'm gaming a lot, which means sitting in a chair all day. I'm still with my parents as well, and yeah, I feel restricted here.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 13, 2021 at 11:09am

I'm a 35 year old grown ass person. I should get it through me, the past is over and done, and I need to move on with it. Everybody I grew up with are now all gone. I mean, they have homes and are parents, for Pete sakes. 

I spent a good 30 years in my hometown, but it's about time I got out of there too. Only problem is affording to achieve this goal. Without a job, I'm going nowhere. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 13, 2021 at 10:25am

I feel guilty about this, career wise. Whenever I got a job in design, I wasn't fast and competant. I bugged co-workers with questions after training. I wasn't very creative. I had trouble with listening. Also, I relied on the mouse, when I should've known my keyboard short cuts, and I wasn't up to date with the software. And then I got laid off in a matter of weeks. 

There was this company where I worked with an easy going guy, who didn't care if I took my sweet ass getting through lists of banners, tiers and logos. Apparently I lost the job due to covid-19. 

It's been 11 years since I graduated with a bachelors, and I still have problems nailing a job opportunity and doing well for a company, and convincing an employers. So I wonder if I went into the wrong career. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 13, 2021 at 7:28am

What bothers me is this year is coming to an end, and I still haven't made a decision about where I'm going next. I looked at colleges and programs for second career, now I wondering if I should enhance my skills in the career I'm already in. Getting a job seems impossible with the competition out there. My dad is starting to breath down my neck. It's getting to be a big concern. So I have to pump my pace and really talk to professionals, improve my interview skills and show them I'm interested. 

Personally, I feel so alone. Like all I've got is ME. Nobody else is going to be there. 


Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 13, 2021 at 6:59am

I swear that I've never been in such bad shape in my life. I get chronic morning grog and frozen stiff for a couple hours. I think the reason could be is I have two coffees a day, and my sleep cycle breaks at 4PM, then I go back to sleep, and wake up at 8 or 9. Even if that's not the case, I sit and sleep in a room with no air and needs serious dusting and cleaning. 

I want to be in good shape when I do get a job, but feeling this way is not good. As for jobs, I've had a couple phone screens and got another on Monday. I think networking is the way to go, I made a list of employers that I want to work for. I feel like the applications I make get lost into cyber, and a machine picks it up, and it's not selected for an interview. I should be thinking of taking courses either in the winter or spring. This whole job hunting business is getting so frustrating. 

Do you still live with your mom? 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on November 12, 2021 at 6:35pm

Yeah, that has happened to me as well, sometimes. But hey, if it helps, you have a friend in me. I'm sorry I've been unable to talk back to you as often as I used to, spending excess time in gaming as well as daydreaming. But I'll be here for you regardless. I may not understand you immediately, but I would be your friend regardless.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 12, 2021 at 8:52am

Looking at the other side of the coin...I might've made others think I don't like them, being unable to interact with them correctly. For example a girl made a remark that I kept on pushing away, as she sat beside me, just to be social. She wanted to be my friend, but she felt I didn't like her. That wasn't true and I don't even remember what happened and how I behaved. I usually have a memory like a vice. It's sad when you always wanted friends and relationships, but you kept on giving people the worst impressions. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 12, 2021 at 8:41am

I wanted to have a family...I can't believe this. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 12, 2021 at 6:45am

I can't even take account of how many people commented on the same issue...

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on November 12, 2021 at 6:28am

I can't begin to find this very fair. Still, the nature of things will not look like you fantasized about. 

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