This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

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Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 15, 2021 at 10:55am

You sound like you've got a better personality than I do. People often tell me I don't talk. So you can imagine how introvert I am. If you met me, it would come clear. I am a pretty girl, and some people tell me I'm a beauty, but I feel it doesn't matter, because I'm not a very talkative person. I fear asking guys out, because it's terrifying. I'm afraid that I'm dragging myself into something that typically makes me uncomfortable. But also, I'm concerned I'll give the person an immediate impression that "I don't talk much, or almost not at all." And then they'll behave the way any guy does towards me. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on October 15, 2021 at 10:43am

Well, I'm no 10/10 either, but I do have a good personality. Maybe not the most outgoing, but once you get to know me, we can talk good. Face and body wise, I think I'm not too bad. But one thing I need to work on, is my fear of asking a girl out. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 15, 2021 at 10:39am

You're right, nothing in life is fairy tale like. That's just life. Maybe I was so young and horny in my 20's. I had no dating and relationship experience with men. So who was I to judge? I think MD played with my mind and fibbed that I'll be lucky in love someday. It didn't play along well, and nothing showed up at all. My future looked no different than my background. Now I'm scratching my head as to what I could've done to attract people better. I think a straightforward answer is "talking pretty" more. Even when I do talk, people still comments on how I talk and the way I sound. As if they think I'm out of practice and don't socialize, therefore I'm a no-go. Apparently, my Asperger syndrome has shot up my social life, and love life. Men are hard to come by, especially when I'm not a perfect woman. I'm not even considered attractive where I come from. People expect you to appear like celebs on talk shows, or at least have a winning personality, if you're the bland type. I don't acquire the assets that most people in society are looking for. 

Plus, I should've know that I was going to be single for a long time. What was I thinking? When I get a lifetime of negative reviews by others on my persona and demeanour, and mental heath. How does that cue in, eventually?
A person should know when they're attractive or not. 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on October 15, 2021 at 10:19am

Well, marriage and children aren't everybody's cup of tea. It's not all fairy tale like. Reality would hit hard in that too. 

I don't know why did she ghost me, but she says she's busy on work. But I do see her active on Insta, whereas we talk in Messenger. So yeah, priorities changed, I guess. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 15, 2021 at 9:28am

I'm wondering if I missed out on getting married and having children, And life, because I was busy daydreaming. Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 15, 2021 at 8:03am

...I'll probably be made fun of for this forever..which is a terrible thought. Usually the NORM laughs at me. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 15, 2021 at 8:00am

I think there's been a huge misunderstanding involving my past. I simply "didn't talk that much" and it made me look more than stupid. This infuriated just about everybody—and they gave up just like that. During all that, I lived in a dreamworld to escape my frustrations of not experiencing friend circles and intimate relationships. This ultimately didn't make a world of difference. I just kept on getting harassed and bullied by many biased people. And withdrawn by any social crowd presently in existence. Leaving me with very few close girlfriends friends to support me in someway, before they eventually took leave to other parts. As a conclusion, I lived a very solitary and unsocial lifestyle for years after I graduated from College. I guess that I lost the nerve to seek out new people, or I didn't like going out at night. Apparently this greatly effected my health. I'll be frank, it doesn't matter how old I am. My life has always looked exactly the same. I wish that I knew where my tribe is...or maybe I'm not one who connects with large sums of people. People who are popular are people who socialize—and I don't. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 15, 2021 at 6:59am

I'm a bit disgruntled lately. I chose a college I'd like to attend, but have to narrow down a focus of a program, which will guarantee job success after graduation. I have to discuss my interests and labor market research with my job coach and my dad. I need to think of something soon, since the deadline application process is not far off. 

I honestly prefer to stick with a job in creative content media. Today I applied to Cineplex for a junior multimedia design opportunity. I'm lucky if these people ever get back. 

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on October 15, 2021 at 6:05am

Why do you think she stopped responding? 

Comment by Kiruba Victor on October 14, 2021 at 5:49pm

Guess what, I've again got ghosted. For about a month, I was talking to someone. It was going really welll, until now. She stopped responding, but I did see her on Insta, active, even when she's busy. So yeah, I'm feeling the same pain a second time now.

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