Hello People,

i will tell you about the content of my daydreams, because I believe it would help me to do so. I also have been writing them down and it is extremely embarassing to me. I would apprechiate any comments on what I need to improve in my life to reduce my daydreaming.

To preface this daydream, it is especially dumb and racist if you hate me for it you are right to do so.

I am sitting at a table in a restaurant with a band (i am a musician irl and two of the musicians are people who I was supposed to play with irl that I really admire a LOT) being shy and timid around them when a jolt goes trough my body and I turn around, while the man who was ordering coffee behind me also does. Our eyes meet and his aura is extremely calming to me.

He has the most beautiful black skin and dreads and looks like some priest of a religion I never seen before.

"Yeah, right" he says, "Relax, I´m on your side, obviously. You remember that day when you jumped in front of a train to save a man?" And he looks into the eyes of my bandmates. "So we know who this girl is, a black man who was a total stranger to you. My brother! ...As you can maybe see from my appearance I am a very desolately living man, but since that day I have been praying every day for you and I hope that you have been meeting the right people in your life know " he says while he was looking at my bandmates again.

There is some variation where I explain I can´t remember anything and the guy reassures me I should take full credit for it or when I just sit at the table devastated while he leaves.

----

So I think there are a lot of different elements at play here.

- I think I really long to talk to more black people. I am painfully aware of the fact, that to my lack of exposure I look differently at black folks, I feel unconfortable because I am afraid to look in the wrong direction (too much or too little) smile too little or to much or behaving in a wrong way that will make people feel excluded. If I would know more black people I think I could act more natural and give people a better vibe.

- Then I really want to impress those two real musicians I keep daydreaming about so badly, but there is no way because I am simply not as experienced, old and definetly not as hard working!

- In the variation I get forced to take credit for my good actions, which I rarely do. I think I long to give myself allowance to give myself credit for success which I definetly have in real life but have a very VERY hard time giving to myself.

- Also his reassuring aura is probably my need for more reassuring social interactions or having the ability to see them as such....

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Comment by Tina on December 11, 2020 at 3:14pm

Yeah I know it´s my problem. I have some black friends, but it doesn´t mean I generally feel the same about people and I know it is not right. I would never consciously treat a black person different than a white person but subconsciously? Probably all the time when I know only so little!

Yeah I was supposed to go to Salvador de Bahia to study there for a year, so I would have made so many black friends (hopefully) and hopefully be less of a racist person but that sadly couln´t happen because of Covid!

Comment by Rosa Fox on December 10, 2020 at 7:32am

Black people...uhm...how to deal with them? Well, how would you talk to white person? Now, close your eyes. Imagine you are talking a white person. There you go! You are ready to speak to black people because they are...people, lol. I understand that you dont know black people or dont interact with them and that happens BUT just keep in mind they r regular people and you talk to then the way you would talk to anybody else. If it makes u feel uncomfortable its because you have preconceptions about them that you need to solve. Its not them who need to solve it for you. Im glad I am Brazilian. We have black, asians, indigenous, white, all kinds of people and thats ok and we talk to all of them. So, come to Brazil lol!

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