Greyartist's Blog (74)

real friends, nope

Here I am sitting at my desk at work, crying, God don't let my boss walk in now. Had a big fight with my husband this morning. I so want to talk to someone, then I realize I have no friends. ha, I have over 1700 facebook friends who needed me for a squad add or farm neighbor etc. I don't know any of them. I have no real friend, no one who really cares if my life is falling apart. I guess MD is to blame, making real inter-human realtionships hard to form. Or is it just being an introvert. I…

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Added by greyartist on May 1, 2012 at 5:16am — 2 Comments

Ever DD about what your life would be like without you?

I know this sounds crazy but I was thinking, what if I did vanish into my DD world, just gone. Unexplained missing person. What would my family, coworkers, etc think. I try to imagine this so I won't be so unhappy about being stuck here. I try to think of how I would be missed, maybe I would miss things here? I even imagine myself in my new world being sad about those I left. But....it doesn't work for long, I still feel I am living in the wrong world. But I have to try something.

Added by greyartist on April 30, 2012 at 10:10am — 2 Comments

Do daydreams control our emotions or do our emotions control our daydreams?

Is my depression making my DDs sad? or are my DDs making me depressed? The last couple of days I've been depressed, my DDs are all very negative and sad. I was crying this morning while trying to get ready for work because of the DD I woke up to. Starts as soon as I wake up. Lots of stress at work, and I am feeling overwelmed. I wish I could force my DD to be a happy one to stop the crying and maybe effect my mood, but I can't.

Added by greyartist on March 20, 2012 at 6:51am — 5 Comments

Screaming inside

Having to work with people today, I am so tense, I just want to be left alone to daydream. I feel like I want to scream as loud as I can to release the stress. It's hard to sit still. I just hate this existance sometimes.

Added by greyartist on February 6, 2012 at 10:11am — 2 Comments

Odd coincidence

I just realized that the email address I have had for over 15yrs starts with "daydream" funny, I don't know why I choose that way back then, I didn't develop MD until this past april. But it is quite the coincidence. Maybe it was destined to be.

Added by greyartist on February 3, 2012 at 10:20am — 4 Comments

Finding comfort in the DD world

When the real world starts to fall apart. I wish I could just disappear in my daydream. Just found out my husband of 16yrs has a girlfriend. A girl from highschool that he reconnected with on facebook and has been texting. He meet her saturday night at a coffee shop to comfort her after she left her husband. He swears there has not been any other contact but he has "feelings" for her. He assures me he has no plans of leaving me. WTF!!!! then why tell me all this crap? Now I feel horrible, I…

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Added by greyartist on January 10, 2012 at 11:49am — 11 Comments

Weekend binge

Not having much control this weekend. Not wanting to do anything else, the erge to lay down and DD is so strong. My husband wanted to go to a coffee shop and listen to a live music performer but my social anxiety kicked in and I told him to go without me. After he left I got in bed around 7 and daydreamed til he got home at 10:30pm. Then tried to go to sleep, back awake DDing around 5am til 9:30.  

I did make it to the grocery store. Now back fighting the erge to DD.

He asked…

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Added by greyartist on January 8, 2012 at 9:51am — 5 Comments

Feeling empty

Too cold to go outside and walk, I'm bored and fidgety. I feel empty inside. Nothing to do, just want to lay in the bed and DD. Husband is home, off for the holidays. I'm trying to be "social" but how can he just sit and watch tv for hours? I want to escape into the other world sometimes. Just wishing to be someone else. Where is the joy of life?

Added by greyartist on December 25, 2011 at 8:25am — 3 Comments

One time I was glad to have MD

spent 2.5 hours in the dentist chair getting a temporary crown. Daydreaming made it go by so much faster.

Added by greyartist on December 12, 2011 at 5:52pm — 4 Comments

feeling out of place and time

Have you ever felt you were born in the wrong time? Seem to relate more to movies or stories from a certain time period. Or is it just feeling you don't quite fit, regardless of why. I have always felt that way. Like you are playing a part while you wait to go back to real life but you are stuck in the play.

Added by greyartist on December 4, 2011 at 12:37pm — 4 Comments

Daydreams replacing memories

I heard a dicussion on the radio about how memory is subjective and not set in stone. Memories can change over time. I was wondering if those of us with MD could possibliy repeat the same DD enough that our minds may see it as a memory some where in the future. I know I feel I "remember" my characters from some where but am sure they are just completely made up in my head. Maybe it also ties in with deja vu.

Added by greyartist on November 23, 2011 at 5:16am — 3 Comments

will I ever feel normal again?

I stopped my medication for a while because it makes me drousy and I needed to be alert at work, boss in from out of state. But the DDs came back so strong I couldn't stop long enought to fall alseep. So back on the med, only woke up 3 times last night but so sleepy this morning. So I take a Xanax to calm the restlessness/anxiety side effect of the Abilify then take a caffine pill to be able to function enough to get to work. God I just want to feel normal again!

Added by greyartist on November 21, 2011 at 6:15am — 3 Comments

Hidden meanings in husbands comment?

He started talking about his zodiac sign and how the MSN site had a discription of sagitarius and it fit him so well. Then he says it has the worse possible mate for him was a scorpio, which I am. What a thing to say. Is he trying to tell me something?

Added by greyartist on November 17, 2011 at 5:23am — 4 Comments

Night dream telling me something about MD?

I very seldom remember night dreams but I had one where someone forcable cut my hair with me screaming the whole time. The dream dictionary says haircuts mean you need a change in thinking. Well yea!!! but how?

Added by greyartist on July 26, 2011 at 10:39am — 1 Comment

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