Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
This post, this thing I'm writing now, is the first time I've ever talked about my MD with anyone ever in my life. I'm having anxiety just typing this.
I've had slight mental disorders my whole life. I've been treated for OCD, ADD, and panic attacks throughout childhood. My MD however, has remained untreated... and a secret. In fact it was only until recently that I even knew I had it until I started doing my own research.
My MD is triggered by Social media, books, movies, TV,…Continue
No matter what the object is, obsessing hurts. Your head feels like it's too full. Even when closed, your eyes dart around, trying to focus on something. You feel disconnected from the people around you. Laundry feels like absolutely the most pointless activity in the existence of mankind (well, laundry usually feels like that regardless of your mental state).
And it doesn't matter if the obsession is about something ordinarily pleasant, like a daydream or story or a real-life…
Some people say that mdd isn't really addictive. I disagree. My mother refuses to acknowledge that i need to pace as much as she needs to smoke. I was at a bonfire, extrovert mode initiated, when one of my favorite pacing songs came on. I began trembling and crossed my arms, clawing on them with my nails. I felt like screaming, i naturally began walking in circles. I knew i was pacing, but i couldn't stop. My daydream was of holli being yelled at by lindsey for embarrassing her in public by…Continue
Ok, I've been daydreaming since I was very young. However, it became serious in the sixth grade. I was bullied a lot and only had one friend. The reason I was bullied, mainly, is because I'm a lesbian. I made a journal about a different life in which I was married to a woman named Mollie (I just liked the name, I guess). Everyday I would write and write, it was all I would do. In class I'd think about her and the life I thought I would never have. I realized how odd it was one day to be…Continue
I fell victim to kitty cuteness once again. I was held hostage in bed for over 2 hours. I went to lie down in bed for a few minutes, but then Grendel curled up sweetly behind my legs, so I stayed for a while and meant to get up. Then, over an hour ago he curled up in front of my neck and began to purr. I rested my head on his soft back, and he purred louder. I petted him, and he purred, and then he bit me, so I stopped. I kept my head on his back and nuzzled him, which …Continue
My entire life, ive been asked the same questions. What are your interests? what do you do for fun? What are your friends like? Every single time i hear these, i panic. Depression, anxiety, MDD, family dynamics, have always kept me from being able to answer any of those questions.
The truth is...i dont know who i am. I dont have hobbies because i spend all of my time DDing, i had to drop out of school because of all my unique problems, and ive never had many friends becasue im…Continue
I wish you knew how my life has changed since you left. I learned how to do laundry and how to make dinner. I can be independent now.
I wish you knew about my dad being slightly annoying and I wish you could see my new bedroom.
You always talked about how parents aren't supposed to lose kids, but it's pretty sucky for the kid to lose the parent, too. I wish you were still here.
I wish you were still here to see me grow up. To go to my graduation,…Continue