Lizzy dagger's Posts - Wild Minds network2024-03-29T11:13:03Zlizzy daggerhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/lizzydaggerhttps://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/8121826900?profile=RESIZE_180x180&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://wildminds.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=3rkcrqwsp2zmu&xn_auth=noFigured out why I MDtag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-09:4661400:BlogPost:1069502012-11-09T15:15:40.000Zlizzy daggerhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/lizzydagger
<p>My main problem is that I am not 100% confident in myself. Some moments I feel okay- but many others I do not feel confident. I pick myself apart and constantly see every flaw. It's getting really old. When I MD, its a way to reassure myself and feel confident. I wish that I could quit looking in the mirror obsessively. I wish I would quit comparing myself to others. It's like I know that I am being too hard on myself and I don't have much room to complain. But I still obsess over…</p>
<p>My main problem is that I am not 100% confident in myself. Some moments I feel okay- but many others I do not feel confident. I pick myself apart and constantly see every flaw. It's getting really old. When I MD, its a way to reassure myself and feel confident. I wish that I could quit looking in the mirror obsessively. I wish I would quit comparing myself to others. It's like I know that I am being too hard on myself and I don't have much room to complain. But I still obsess over beauty.</p>
<p>I wish that I could quit putting so much emphasis on beauty. But it is really hard when so many women are valued by their looks and harshly judged. I don't allow myself to look at magazines anymore unless its SELF magazine or something like that. This obsessiveness is anything but constructive and sometimes time consuming.</p>
<p>My worst problem with myself though is my smile. I had braces so its not like I have crooked teeth, but I still don't like to smile. When I do, I hate how my face looks. I drive people nuts when I don't want to smile in a picture. I just don't know what to do with myself and this ridiculous problem.</p>
<p><br/>Of course though- I also MD just to escape and sometimes even work out my problems. Funny enough, it gives me a calm atmosphere to think in.</p>
<p></p>Introducing myself and my long kept secrettag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-10-22:4661400:BlogPost:1048002012-10-22T22:22:52.000Zlizzy daggerhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/lizzydagger
<p>I'm really glad to have stumbled on this site today. Last night I realized its been 8 years since I've been daydreaming everyday. I'm 20 and want to learn how to get rid of it.</p>
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<p>I've never talked to anyone about this because it makes me feel psychotic! It's not normal to have your own world inside of your head. I literally have imaginary friends that I created. I don't talk to them aloud because I know they are not real, but its comforting to be able to sort things out to an…</p>
<p>I'm really glad to have stumbled on this site today. Last night I realized its been 8 years since I've been daydreaming everyday. I'm 20 and want to learn how to get rid of it.</p>
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<p>I've never talked to anyone about this because it makes me feel psychotic! It's not normal to have your own world inside of your head. I literally have imaginary friends that I created. I don't talk to them aloud because I know they are not real, but its comforting to be able to sort things out to an imaginary person. </p>
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<p>So it all started when I was 12 and had the hugest crush on Cone from Sum 41. I also loved the entire band for their funny videos and awesome music. They seemed so down to earth, it was almost like they were friends to their fans. I was in a deep depression and it seemed that their music and videos were a source of relief. I don't remember how this started, but I know that I really wanted a boyfriend and for some reason never had one. One day I fantasized about having Cone as a boyfriend, but instead of Cone- it was his younger brother. Basically all of Sum 41 have younger brothers in this world. These guys became my friends as weird as that sounds. </p>
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<p>Eight years later, I still have these people in this fantasy world. There is no longer the pretend boyfriend aspect. But they are still "friends". I sort stuff out in my mind by thinking about what kind of conversations I would have with them. I even know the parents! (better than mine, except my mother.) The guys also think I'm the coolest and most beautiful girl ever. I know this came from having a low self-esteem from when I was younger. It's really stupid because I know that I'm genuinely in love with my current boyfriend. I wouldn't trade him for anything. We have an absolutely incredible connection. And it feels awful knowing that I have this secret, like he should know he's dating somebody that literally lives in an alternate reality.</p>
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<p>This is definitely a coping mechanism. I'm much more outgoing and badass in this fantasy world. The parents are an interesting aspect in the dream world since I don't have a good relationship with my father (don't talk to him) or my step-father who treats me like absolute crap. He's just an awful person in general. My mother died of cancer a year and a half ago. She was my best friend in the entire world. I would ditch my friends to spend time with her; my friends would even ditch me for her! That's how amazing she was. She was very sick for a long time, even when I was 12, so that caused anxiety.</p>
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<p>When I was younger, this happened because I was depressed and had a low self-esteem. I'm getting on the right track to having a better self-esteem but it is really hard. I'm not quite sure why I have such a low self-esteem. I know there are great things about me and that I am beautiful. Sometimes though- I feel quite the opposite. I guess its a girl thing.</p>
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<p>Basically to sum it up, I feel that my self-esteem will not get better until I am able to quit living in this fantasy world. If I am so insecure that I take refuge in a pretend reality, I am putting some of me in this world that could be used in the real world.</p>
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<p>Sorry for the rant, I just have never told anyone this secret for eight years. It feels really good to know that I'm not alone. </p>
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