Amy Buttz's Posts - Wild Minds network2024-03-28T22:36:15ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtzhttps://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/8121826900?profile=RESIZE_180x180&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://wildminds.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=3jwy5dps88e8b&xn_auth=noBeen Awhiletag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-08-26:4661400:BlogPost:993212012-08-26T01:30:00.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>I have been in therapy since April. I have been in therapy before, guess it is time again. In my last blog entry, I wrote that I was afraid if I tackled my issues in therapy, my MDD wouldn't go away. Have an appointment next week, but feeling pretty depressed today. I have dealt with a lot of pretty bad stuff and the daydreaming still persists. I am going to tell my therapist about it when I go. I feel bad about it now, because this morning I was thinking about my issues, working some…</p>
<p>I have been in therapy since April. I have been in therapy before, guess it is time again. In my last blog entry, I wrote that I was afraid if I tackled my issues in therapy, my MDD wouldn't go away. Have an appointment next week, but feeling pretty depressed today. I have dealt with a lot of pretty bad stuff and the daydreaming still persists. I am going to tell my therapist about it when I go. I feel bad about it now, because this morning I was thinking about my issues, working some more of this out in my mind, journaled, cried, some things seem to click into place. In spite of all of that I still feel like I haven't made a dent in daydreaming. It feels like nothing touches this long term. Every now and then, something will come along and short circuit it for a short time, but it always comes back. I said before, anxiety curbs my daydreaming and some of the things I have been dealing with caused me great anxiety. I had hoped that it was the beginning of unraveling the grip it has on me, but "no", it is back full force. Thinking that I may have to deal with this forever, is depressing today.</p>Getting Bettertag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-01-23:4661400:BlogPost:756292012-01-23T00:20:29.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>Well, I never thought I would say this, but things with my daydreaming seem to be gettting better. I can see most of my issues are with self-loathing. I see that a lot of other people have issues with productivity and paying attention. These have never really been an issue for me. I also have OCD, which (I have to laugh a little here) seems to save me from being unproductive. It seems to balance me out, because no matter how much I daydream, I am also very driven to be perfect in…</p>
<p>Well, I never thought I would say this, but things with my daydreaming seem to be gettting better. I can see most of my issues are with self-loathing. I see that a lot of other people have issues with productivity and paying attention. These have never really been an issue for me. I also have OCD, which (I have to laugh a little here) seems to save me from being unproductive. It seems to balance me out, because no matter how much I daydream, I am also very driven to be perfect in everything I do, so I can't let my "to do" list go undone. Anyway, when I tell myself that it is O.K. to daydream, it feels like such a relief. I let my daydreaming idle when it wants to and when it come on full bore I go ahead and give in and, here's the important part for my, don't feel like I am doing something "wrong." </p>
<p>For years, I felt ashamed. Especially when this continued into adulthood, I felt like a grown woman should be able to stop [I called this "making up stories"] making up stories and I couldn't. I felt defective, like because I couldn't stop doing this, there must be something wrong with me, like a lack of self-control. I felt like this was a huge horrible secret that someone might find out about and think I was a terrible person. </p>
<p>I recently told my husband about this and he doesn't find anything wrong with it. I expected him to back away from me like I was diseased, but instead he has become my main listener. I worry sometimes that I will bore him to death now! Anyway, feeling better about my "wild mind" and really appreciate this site. </p>Trying Againtag:wildminds.ning.com,2011-12-14:4661400:BlogPost:699012011-12-14T23:17:43.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>First, I want to say thank you for all your supportive comments. I have looked at daydreaming as something to get rid of for over thirty years. I have never considered it as something to manage. I thought of it as a neutral activity, like vacuuming. Now that I have changed directions and am looking at it from a different perspective, I realize I have feelings involved. For one thing daydreaming makes me feel safe and secure. Secondly, when I move away from it, I have feelings of…</p>
<p>First, I want to say thank you for all your supportive comments. I have looked at daydreaming as something to get rid of for over thirty years. I have never considered it as something to manage. I thought of it as a neutral activity, like vacuuming. Now that I have changed directions and am looking at it from a different perspective, I realize I have feelings involved. For one thing daydreaming makes me feel safe and secure. Secondly, when I move away from it, I have feelings of abandonment. I am a planner, I rarely do things on a whim or without having a lot of information first. So now I feel like I have waved my secret security blanket in front of everyone before I knew what it was. Knowing that helps me to feel better about the situation. I think that taking things a bit more slowly will help. And, really, thank you for even being interested, this isn't something I can just broadcast wherever. </p>Holy Cow!tag:wildminds.ning.com,2011-12-12:4661400:BlogPost:693752011-12-12T02:31:41.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>I am new to this site and discussing my daydreaming is something new to me. I figured I would make the most of this opportunity and read, comment, encourage, learn, etc. So I have been reading through different discussions that interest or apply to me and now my anxiety is through the roof and I feel like crying. I feel like I have jumped into the ocean with no floatation device. Ha! My daydreaming is at a minimum right now. Guess anxiety lessens the daydreaming. I don't understand…</p>
<p>I am new to this site and discussing my daydreaming is something new to me. I figured I would make the most of this opportunity and read, comment, encourage, learn, etc. So I have been reading through different discussions that interest or apply to me and now my anxiety is through the roof and I feel like crying. I feel like I have jumped into the ocean with no floatation device. Ha! My daydreaming is at a minimum right now. Guess anxiety lessens the daydreaming. I don't understand why this is making me so anxious. It bothers me that it bothers me. It bothers me that I don't understand why this freaks me out so much. Daydreaming doesn't make me anxious, but talking and reading about it does. </p>Guidelinestag:wildminds.ning.com,2011-12-08:4661400:BlogPost:690162011-12-08T15:30:00.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>So I have been thinking about how to live with MDD, instead of trying to get rid of it. This has really eased up a lot of the stress I have over this particular part of my life. So, here is what I have come up with so far. 1. My relationship with God comes first. I don't want my daydreaming to run my life instead of God. 2. Real people come before imaginary people. I don't want to lose my grip on the relationships I have in real life. 3. Make sure my responsibilities are taken care…</p>
<p>So I have been thinking about how to live with MDD, instead of trying to get rid of it. This has really eased up a lot of the stress I have over this particular part of my life. So, here is what I have come up with so far. 1. My relationship with God comes first. I don't want my daydreaming to run my life instead of God. 2. Real people come before imaginary people. I don't want to lose my grip on the relationships I have in real life. 3. Make sure my responsibilities are taken care of. I don't want to be homeless because I was daydreaming and didn't pay my mortgage. That is all I have come up with so far and, maybe, that is enough, I will have to see if any other issues come up. Trying to balance this is challenging, but allowing daydreaming to be a part of my life feels easier than trying not to do it. I have been doing battle with this for over thirty years, so to wrap my mind around coming along side this is a big change. </p>Changing My Destinationtag:wildminds.ning.com,2011-12-04:4661400:BlogPost:683422011-12-04T03:16:14.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>My goal in dealing with daydreaming has always been eradication. Quite frankly, though, nothing has worked. Anything I have done to try and stop this has failed miserably. The brief periods where I have put the daydreaming off, did not make it go away. In fact, that usually makes it come back even stronger and makes me hypersensitive to my main triggers and other things that aren't normally triggers, set it off. So, after doing some reading about this whole situation, I have been…</p>
<p>My goal in dealing with daydreaming has always been eradication. Quite frankly, though, nothing has worked. Anything I have done to try and stop this has failed miserably. The brief periods where I have put the daydreaming off, did not make it go away. In fact, that usually makes it come back even stronger and makes me hypersensitive to my main triggers and other things that aren't normally triggers, set it off. So, after doing some reading about this whole situation, I have been thinking about changing my goal. Instead of getting rid of this, I have been considering learning how to live with it. This is a completely radical idea for me and very new. It kind of scares me. </p>Triggers and Feelingstag:wildminds.ning.com,2011-12-02:4661400:BlogPost:675932011-12-02T16:24:27.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>First of all, I have been hearing about other peoples' triggers and been thinking about mine. I know T.V. and movies are big ones. Words are a big one too. I love words, the way they look and the way they feel in my mouth when I say them. It is like rollling some delicious morsel around on my tongue. In junior high, I started a very elaborate daydream based on the words, "cool, smooth doorknob." It persists to this day and grows and changes. I am an older woman and did not grow up…</p>
<p>First of all, I have been hearing about other peoples' triggers and been thinking about mine. I know T.V. and movies are big ones. Words are a big one too. I love words, the way they look and the way they feel in my mouth when I say them. It is like rollling some delicious morsel around on my tongue. In junior high, I started a very elaborate daydream based on the words, "cool, smooth doorknob." It persists to this day and grows and changes. I am an older woman and did not grow up with technology and am technology challenged. However, I have managed to find Fanfiction. Oh, how I wish I hadn't. So addicted to this, like I need a fix! All these things contribute to my day dreaming. I have a catch twenty-two as well. When I try to put a stop to the daydreaming, the space it leaves in my mind triggers more daydreaming. I have tried to fill the space with other things, but nothing helps long term. </p>
<p>I wanted to tell about how daydreaming feels to me. It feels like its own entity. Sometimes it feels like a runaway train speeding down the railway. I am attached to the back, not dragging along the tracks but flying out horizontally behand and I can't get loose. I have to wait for the train to reach a more level grade. The train usually doesn't crash. (I think it did crash one time, but that is a discussion for another time.) Then I just wait for the next drop off. Another picture of this for me, would be standing on the beach with a swat shield trying to defend myself against a tsunami. It just rolls over me and carries me out to sea. Some of the milder words I would use for this are compelled and driven. Even when I get a mental break occasionally, the daydreaming never shuts off completely. It is like a car idling or a T.V. turned down in the back ground. I just wait for the acceleration or the volume to be turned up. Sometimes the waiting drives me crazy and I do the accerating or turning up myself. This also helps me feel slightly in control. </p>
<p> </p>Getting Startedtag:wildminds.ning.com,2011-12-02:4661400:BlogPost:679152011-12-02T14:42:53.000ZAmy Buttzhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AmyButtz
<p>Hi, I am new here, Forgive me if this sounds disjointed, because even though I have been daydreaming for over thirty years, I have only been talking about it as an issue for a few years. I was so happy to find this website. Several years ago, I realized the biggest challenge I had every day was daydreaming. I tried to find information, but couldn't. Every now and again I would check and finally came across this website. </p>
<p>I have been daydreaming since I was twelve years old. I…</p>
<p>Hi, I am new here, Forgive me if this sounds disjointed, because even though I have been daydreaming for over thirty years, I have only been talking about it as an issue for a few years. I was so happy to find this website. Several years ago, I realized the biggest challenge I had every day was daydreaming. I tried to find information, but couldn't. Every now and again I would check and finally came across this website. </p>
<p>I have been daydreaming since I was twelve years old. I tried to stop even when I was a kid, but never could. I felt like a failure. I did not tell anyone about this until recently. I feel embarassed and stupid. When I try to explain this, it sounds ridiculous, like I should just be able to not daydream anymore, but I can't. There have been only two times in my life when I did not daydream and I wasn't trying to stop it, my first year of college and two years when I lived on a ranch. I have no idea why the daydreams stopped at those particular times, but they did return while I lived on the ranch after the two years. </p>
<p>Currently, I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. Even though my day dreaming still feels good, it also feels bad. Now I have physical sysmptoms related to daydreaming, like a low level headache and upset stomach. When I start looking at the real world agian, I feel kind of dazed. I also have difficulty sleeping and waking up and I feel tired all the time. When I try to stop daydreaming, these things go away but I get extremely nervous, fidgety, edgy, anxious, and growly, and that doesn't feel good either. When I consider trying to do something about this, a couple things come to mind. I have been doing this for a long time and thinking about life without it is scary. Life with this is difficult, but at least it is familiar. I have been to couseling in the past, because my parents were abusive and neglectful. I know I still need some help dealing with issues with my mom. Sometimes I wonder if working on my chilhood issues would help with the daydreaming, but then I also think that if I go through all the hard and painful work of dealing with old wounds and the daydreaming is still an issue, that I will feel defeated.</p>
<p>Hearing about other peoples' struggles with this has been a small relief. I was feeling embarassed, ashamed, stupid, and alone. Knowing that other people have similar issues gives me some hope. I have tried to discuss this with my husband and even though he is sympathetic, he doesn't understand how big of a struggle this is for me. </p>
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