MatthewR's Posts - Wild Minds network2024-03-29T05:59:38ZMatthewRhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/MatthewR147https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3145250375?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://wildminds.ning.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=1lykpo2j70f6r&xn_auth=noFear and the Real Reason I Daydreamtag:wildminds.ning.com,2017-03-27:4661400:BlogPost:2548742017-03-27T04:11:26.000ZMatthewRhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/MatthewR147
<p>This is a long post, but here it goes...</p>
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<p>Dd’ing is something i’ve done all my life. I started when i was 4 or 5 and just kept doing it. It’s fine for a child but problematic for an adult.</p>
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<p>This is not to say that daydreaming is bad, but that dd’ing excessively serves a purpose that is unhealthy for me. Daydreaming is a way to get what i want without trying, to have great moments in my imagination without risking rejection, and to feel powerful without any…</p>
<p>This is a long post, but here it goes...</p>
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<p>Dd’ing is something i’ve done all my life. I started when i was 4 or 5 and just kept doing it. It’s fine for a child but problematic for an adult.</p>
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<p>This is not to say that daydreaming is bad, but that dd’ing excessively serves a purpose that is unhealthy for me. Daydreaming is a way to get what i want without trying, to have great moments in my imagination without risking rejection, and to feel powerful without any possibility of defeat.</p>
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<p>When i first joined this site, i agreed with many people that MDD is a gift, something that makes us special and which is deserving of more attention from the scientific community. However, as i read more literature about “neurosis” and how older psychologists treated it, i have to say that this ‘startling new discovery’ called Maladaptive Daydreaming is really no different than hundreds of other behaviors that have been known to psychiatrists for the purpose of delaying growth and development. That is, MDD is a fancy way to say we daydream to get out of responsibility. </p>
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<p>I don’t know everyone’s story, but i can speak for myself. If i’m being honest, then yes, i have to admit, that my daydreaming—my frantic pacing and plot-building and sweeping emotional highs—was just a distraction to keep me from actively living my life. Now that i’m waking up from my compulsive fantasizing, I can say without a doubt that my life sucks, and i’ve got nothing to show for it. I HATE DD’ING, I HATE MYSELF.</p>
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<p>Self-hate, melancholy, anxiety, feelings of inferiority together with vanity, perfectionism, and a holier-than-thou attitude—all of this is simply a way to avoid recognizing the obvious burden of taking responsibility for myself and my limitations. Worse, its a way for me to dictate, dominate, or generally impose on others—people have to walk on eggshells around me. Why? For the above reason, it’s letting me have what i want without any struggle. And if it fails, then it’s not my fault. I’m sick…i can’t do anything…You don’t understand my depression…I suffer all the time…I am different and can’t be treated like others…bla bla bla… This is just what i tell myself to get away from life.</p>
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<p>What i didn’t know, and what i learned from being in some very humiliating circumstances recently, is that all along….all my life…I’ve maintained a neurotic claim to have something…I FEEL I AM ENTITLED TO BE KEPT SAFE. This is the secret formula for understanding all of my behaviors and all of my “problems.” </p>
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<p>Analyzing the content of my daydreams reveals this theme. I am fundamentally insecure and feel small next to the universe which threatens to destroy me. Well, duh, the universe is big and nothing is certain…everybody knows that…but for whatever reason i developed a personality that is motivated to find safety and stability and that means surrendering my own autonomy and confidence in myself. I present a false image of one who needs to be cared for so that i can receive an excuse for the demands that others impose on me.</p>
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<p>It’s really that simple. I remember being in therapy and telling the psychiatrist that i was sad. But after several sessions, i couldn’t quite explain why i felt like that. My psych said, “It seems like you’re looking for a reason to be sad.” And it was true. In the end, i was just searching for a reason to be in therapy in the first place. So there it is…I’m not defective…i’m just mortal.</p>
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<p>I don’t have all the things i’d like. I wish i was more attractive, had more education, a better upbringing, etc. but doesn’t everyone feel that way? And then i say, “Well, i’ve got it worse than you!” But that’s not true, it might feel like that, but its really not true. In reality, i’m just too comfortable in my own excuses to accept the hard work needed to make myself happy. I’d rather just be grumpy and negative and bitter.</p>
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<p>So that’s it. I’m really sick of my daydreams. Stuff i used to do is no longer appealing. I feel so sick and angry. I’m very hurt and lonely. I’ve wasted time and i’ve lost friends, and it’s just so discouraging. I’ve hurt people because of my insecurities, accused people of things, been paranoid, and i’ve just been awful in so many ways. I regret it. I wish i could change everything, but i can’t, because that’s life, and dd’ing about it isn’t going to solve anything.</p>
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<p>If you’ve read this far, thank you. It’s just been disappointing living this way, year after year. I’m jealous of what others have, and I really yearn to have more relationships. Being isolated is terrible on your mental health. Now that i think i know what the real problem is i hope i can finally get over this habit. It’s never too late, of course, but, ugh…some things just can’t be reversed and getting older is a reality we all have to face.</p>
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<p>So, this is my story. Maybe its similar to yours. But this is the reason why i compulsively daydream. The solution for me is simple, too: COURAGE. Good luck, everyone! Take care, and thanks for reading.</p>The 3 Kinds of Daydreamerstag:wildminds.ning.com,2017-03-25:4661400:BlogPost:2547282017-03-25T04:45:13.000ZMatthewRhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/MatthewR147
<p>This is just something from observation, but i get the impression that there are 3 kinds of people on this site:</p>
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<ol>
<li>Neurotic Daydreamers - these are the dd’ers who are closest to the “maladaptive” definition. They use daydreams to sustain an idealized sense of self that compensates for low self-esteem, essentially “growing on the useless side of life” because these daydreams don’t improve our situation; they unconsciously serve to spare us the pain of real emotion and the…</li>
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<p>This is just something from observation, but i get the impression that there are 3 kinds of people on this site:</p>
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<ol>
<li>Neurotic Daydreamers - these are the dd’ers who are closest to the “maladaptive” definition. They use daydreams to sustain an idealized sense of self that compensates for low self-esteem, essentially “growing on the useless side of life” because these daydreams don’t improve our situation; they unconsciously serve to spare us the pain of real emotion and the possibility of defeat</li>
<li>Managed Daydreamers - these dd’ers are more comfortable with their habit, devoting some time to daydreaming every day or every evening; this helps them to relax and process thoughts and feelings which have been building during the day; while the situations still compensate for something missing in real life (intimacy, excitement, adventure, etc.), they are mostly managed and accepted as part of a life that has more important responsibilities (that is, it’s a silly pastime, but it’s still just a pastime).</li>
<li>Vivid Daydreamers - these dd’ers are practicing something closer to what Carl Jung referred to as “Active Daydreaming” where real feelings and subconscious thoughts are allowed to play in the mind to produce useful scenarios needed to deal with life; also, these people may simply be exercising intense creativity, planning for future events, writing chapters in a novel, etc. This is not really maladaptive, but it can certainly be excessive if no real work is done to make these daydreams a reality…</li>
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<p>It’s possible that we engage in these different kinds of dd’s at different times, depending on how active and healthy we are. If we are busy, we don’t dd as much. Or if we are more or less happy with our situation, we also won’t dd. But, if life throws us a lemon, we may revert back to our old habit of daydreaming to avoid processing the uncomfortable emotions of life. It’s much easier to imagine ourselves powerful and successful than it is to try it and potentially fail. That is, our sense of superiority in some area of life would be threatened if we actually test ourselves in life. That’s scary, and it’s a big reason for why neurotic daydreamers do this (myself included).</p>
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<p>I suppose there’s potentially Group #4, where people who have experienced something traumatic can escape that trauma in fantasy, or at least learn to cope with it there. But i think it’s more of a temporary thing, because people will eventually move on and get stronger (hopefully!). So they don’t get stuck in it. Otherwise they may become neurotic like dd’ers in Group #1.</p>
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<p>That’s my impression. I hope I don’t offend, but i just keep reading the same stories in the discussions, and so i thought i’d post.</p>Has Anyone Taken Paxil (Paroxetine)?tag:wildminds.ning.com,2014-08-04:4661400:BlogPost:1900102014-08-04T01:59:40.000ZMatthewRhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/MatthewR147
<p>In the past couple of weeks I have been seeing a doctor for major depression, anxiety - especially social anxiety disorder. I also fit the profile of someone with an avoidant personality. When i was discussing my symptoms to the doctor I described my excessive compulsion to fantasize, how i pace, and how i can't focus sometimes because my urge to daydream is so powerful. My doctor didn't seem as interested in Maladaptive Daydreaming but assumed it was an aspect of being socially avoidant. I…</p>
<p>In the past couple of weeks I have been seeing a doctor for major depression, anxiety - especially social anxiety disorder. I also fit the profile of someone with an avoidant personality. When i was discussing my symptoms to the doctor I described my excessive compulsion to fantasize, how i pace, and how i can't focus sometimes because my urge to daydream is so powerful. My doctor didn't seem as interested in Maladaptive Daydreaming but assumed it was an aspect of being socially avoidant. I was prescribed Paxil (paroxetine) and a sleeping aid (because apparently Paxil wakes you up after five hours and doesn't let you go back to sleep). I wasn't so concerned, because Paxil is always used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder (and I recall someone - i think it was Cordellia - mention that MDD may potentially be related to OCD).</p>
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<p>Well, long-story short, the Paxil has done nothing to alleviate my MDD. I still DD - but i cant remember anything! I feel like a part of my brain has been shut off. I'm constantly tired, feel weak, and basically exist in a constant zoned-out stupor. I start staring at something and then i sorta drift away into blank thoughts. When i try to accomplish something I just feel like a part of my brain isn't functioning. It's weird. Also there have been other side effects which are annoying me like nothing else i've ever experienced.</p>
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<p>Has anyone else taken Paxil? Do the side effects go away??</p>