If you don't mind sharing (talking helps), how do you think PTSD affects your daydreaming? Daydreaming only started to be a problem for me after the event I experienced (I think - it at least played a huge part in wanting to get away from the real world). I can trace almost all of my issues back to that. It felt way safer to live in an imaginary world than in the real world. But strangely enough, in college, my daydreams started to include the event. It felt good to dream about them this way, but I often acted out exaggerated experiences. Afterward, I felt terrible. This is when I started to think they were a problem. I guess they were sort of flashbacks. I've noticed the daydreams about this topic have disappeared after I dealt with it in therapy.
To avoid calling it "the event" any more, which sounds all weird and means I'm avoiding the topic, I'll talk about it. I find the best thing to do is talk about it until it doesn't hurt to talk anymore. Anyway, I live near New York and when I was eleven I witnessed some of 9/11. I guess. I saw the smoke and stuff on the day, and then went back to visit the site other times. My dad was a police officer who worked at Ground Zero and this, apparently, messed with my head for a few years. It sucks, being too young to really handle something. For years, barely a day went by when I didn't think of it. I didn't think it was strange, until I mentioned it to my friend, who said she never thought about it. Then, in college, I saw a presentation by a Vietnam veteran who talked about his PTSD symptoms and it was a similar experience to when I discovered this site - Hey! I have all of that! Oh, there's a name for this? Basically, when there's a drastic change in your environment, it can bring all of the feelings flooding back. I noticed this when I went to college far away from home, where no one understood what I had gone through. I was doing okay, but then everything came back and I started thinking about it all the time. The daydreams became a real problem too.
I think some of the techniques I learned to deal with PTSD triggers can help with daydreaming. The most important thing to me is touch. It's easier to stay in the real world when I'm focusing on feeling something physical.
Lady Tuesday
I don't currently suffer from PTSD, but I know at least twice in the past 6 years I've had symptoms of it, after witnessing a friend in an accident, and in dealing with my aunt's death. Both times I've had counseling, but I can't much remember much of my symptoms the first time it happened (I was pretty numb). Anyways, the second time...actually there's a bit of a back story. I know this sounds morbid, but throughout my teen years I would 'see' corpses everywhere for no apparent reason. I blamed it on overactive imagination and just regular teenage stress. Now, you need to know that corpses are my number one worst fear. I'm talking fleshy, mutilated corpses. I still freak out when they pop up unexpectedly in movies and such, but the ones I imagined popped into my mind so frequently that I'd grown a bit de-sensitized to them. They were usually the same guys in the same spots (hiding underneath my bathroom sink, laying in my bed, etc...) Yeah, I KNOW this sounds crazy, but it's very similar to a little kid imaging monsters under the bed (mine are just a bit more graphic). After I started college, the crazy imaginations disappeared, with only the occasional corpse. But after my aunt passed away a few years ago, I know I was having a hard time dealing with it. She passed right before I went to study abroad, so I was well distracted from her death for several months. But about a month after returning to the US, I was having a really hard time adjusting back to my life here. I was grieving for her by myself (most of my family had already had time to grieve while I was gone). And that's when the corpses started popping up again. It was getting OUT OF CONTROL. I didn't even have to try to daydream for them to appear, they'd just magically be nearly everywhere I looked, even in the daytime they would show. They were starting to go from being a silly over-active imaginary thing to being full-on hallucinations. I was losing sleep, and was anxious whenever I was alone. This was the worst it had ever been...I'm talking seeing them each time I walked around a corner, opened a closet door, walked into the shower, etc... I knew they were just hallucinations, and after the initial shock of seeing the corpses each time they appeared, I was able to go one with whatever I was doing (though I remained distracted and scared). And when I started to 'feel' them touching me, I decided it was time to see a counselor. After a few sessions, we got some answers down. I think she termed it delayed-grieving?? I was well aware that they were hallucinations; schizophrenia was very quickly ruled out. It was grief, in addition to reverse culture-shock (from returning to the US) and just academic/relationship stress in general that started all these PTSD-like symptoms. Eventually I was able to find closure from my aunt's death and the hallucinations stopped. I haven't had any 'episodes' like that since, but to this day, I still don't know why I get such specific and morbid hallucinations. If I were to be pushed onto the edge like that again, have some strong emotional disturbance, I wouldn't be surprised if the hallucinations started up again. Even though they don't 'pop up' anymore, I can very easily imagine what the corpses look like. But it's probably better to just leave it alone for now. I'm not gonna go poke the embers of a fire that's been put out.
Ok, so to answer the post, I don't think PTSD affected my MD. I've had MD all my life, since I was a kid. But my first real diagnosis of PTSD was in college, when I saw my friend get into an accident. And the second time it happened, I think my MD kinda fueled the hallucinations and the PTSD (so for me it went the other way around). Since I can so easily let my mind wander without me knowing it, I think it's even easier still, for my subconscious to bring forth unwanted thoughts and feelings, especially in a time of stress or after some sort of trauma. I think, if I didn't have MD, I wouldn't be so susceptible to the PTSD hallucinations.
Dec 10, 2012
Enoch Sunrise
Yes, PTSD is probably a very large contributing factor to my DDing. Due to all the trauma I've gone through(being molested, severely neglected, and raped) I've kinda ended up pretty far down my rabbit hole at times. I can understand how something that traumatized you can end up playing a role in your daydreams. Some of the stuff I have gone through has seeped into my worlds and has become a main event that often my worlds are built around just to cater to it. I don't mind and still enjoy them. I think that it is a good start to overcoming the trauma. Because it can help foster a sense of control that had previously been taken.
Dec 12, 2012
farrahfawn
I've daydreamed immersively since I was a kid and I don't think that in itself was bad, but because of traumatic events and personal problems it did become a coping mechanism.
I won't go into the specific traumatic event(s) I experienced, but something I have done is daydream about emotionally overcoming them and/or playing out very exaggerated events related to overcoming them. What you said above about afterward you would feel terrible, I felt terrible afterward as well. Yet I would return to daydreaming about it, and do it again, over the years. Maybe I was trying to deal with and process the trauma because it has never been resolved, and I might never be given the answers I need as to what happened, so in my mind I created a scenario of overcoming and getting the answers I need for peace.
Like I said, I feel terrible afterward so I don't like it when I daydream about this. So now I try not to, but sometimes it just happens. Like a reflex? Because I wish for peace so badly, how can I not dream of it? Yet it is vicious cycling, because I am never satisfied, because it is not real. It is a dream.
Dec 22, 2020