What if I don't know who I am anymore?

by Kris

Jul 8, 2021

Hi,

hope you're having a great day.

I have a question - what do I do if I don't know who I am anymore? I'm kinda freaking out right now actually, sorry if I have bad grammar, BUT-

It's been a while since I had a time for myself but now it's summer and I have a lot of free time. I tried to keep myself busy, so I don't have much time for overthinking but I just had to end up here again eventually, rethinking my life choices and myself in general. I have a problem with selflove ar just self acceptance and I tried to work on that a little. The problem is that when I tried to think about myself I got a white sheet of paper, a blackhole, nearly nothing at all. I see myself but I can't say what I'm like. 

I feel like everything I am is just a mixture of my characters. My traits are not mine. I don't know what I wanna do, I don't know what I feel until I "turn" into one of my characters. Can anyone relate or am I going crazy? I'd be also really grateful for any advices.

Thank you for reading this, have a lovely rest of the day. ♥

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  • up

    Cain

    I get what you mean here, Kristy. When I'm not daydreaming I don't have an identity. Just numb and empty. I derive my identity out of my feelings in my daydreams. I play roles trying to replicate how I behave in my daydreams. opinions, interests, preferences - All of these are derived from how I would react in my daydreams. 

    So yeah, I can releate. We're both probably crazy. 

    Aug 2, 2021

    • up

      Mary

      Everyone is made from multiple characters and experiences. People are very similar to each other. The only thing is they all have different ratios and mixtures. For eg, you could share the taste of your friend and your style from a dear family member, maybe your speech is from a character and the tone from another. We're all simply babies who copy things from the world we live in and project it back :)

      Aug 8, 2021

      • up

        Mary

        Also, no one knows who they are, humans are constantly going through different phases and faces and thoughts and understanding. So how can you know about something that is continuously changing? I didn't know any spicy oats recipe two days ago. The next day I created one out of desperation for a snack and ate it twice. I can easily trounce that idiot from 2 days ago with that recipe. Heck, I can trounce that idiot who started writing this post. I kinda inspired myself while writing this hehe. So don't worry about your existence. You just are and I just am and we should leave it at that. And if you do wanna know who you are... idk? Keep a diary and track your phases? Just write one line per day. You know, one line diary. I surprisingly managed to make one in my school calendar back in 2015 (I was super surprised) and I have never been able to put in more than 2 entries in a normal diary and I always tore up those pages after writing them.

        Aug 8, 2021