MD doesn't make anything better. It only appears warm and robs you of every thing about your self. I believe the biggest issue MD fuels is the lack of development of a person AS A PERSON. If I look closely at my life, there have been many scenarios where I've kept silent or become passive as opposed to doing what I was supposed to do. For instance, if any of my colleagues at work raised their voice at me, any normal person with a bit of normal self-esteem would say, "YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT". But I just didn't feel as if I had enough zeal to respond back as I wasn't developing my SELF at all. In those scenarios, I felt as if I don't know what to say or how to respond as I was spending all of my time inside my head. Those repressed emotions did come to the forefront after letting go of MD. I did act out in my fantasies what I would say to that work colleague. It's not just that. This applies in simple scenarios which entail sharing of opinions, responding etc. All that feels vague and alien to myself. MD is basically holding yourself back. This, I believe, is the worst impact of letting MD take over. You don't get to experience what it's like to be a PERSON. 

I think MD effected my growth and development. I still depend on my family. I'm urgently trying to find work, but it's getting tougher. I'm starting to blame it on my fantasies. 

Certainly, you didn't "deserve" that, things just happen.

MD is not something we choose to do or not to do; if that were the case, things would've got better already. And we wouldn't all be here to talk about it.

It's hard to stop, and our life goes wasted and then it's even harder. You need to break the circle, somewhere.

I think that's easier to break it by improving our life than trying to stop the fantasies. And in your case, your life would improve if you stopped being so hard on yourself. Be compassionate: you're not a fool, you don't deserve it. 
Next step: understanding you deserve a place in life. Job, friends, anything.