I must bring this up. The past 14 years, I struggled to excel in my career, so I lived at home a lot. At breakfast time, I would grab my coffee and muffin/bagel. I would go into my head, and ponder off. My mom always rambled about news, politics, and world events, in front of the TV. There were moments she felt like I just wasn't listening to her. My face would be all blank and gone, while sipping my coffee and noshing on my breakfast. Sometimes, I'd even pause and look another direction. My mom would suddenly wave or thrust her hand in the air for my attention. It always made me feel so stupid. It even gives me flash backs of others who did the same thing. Like Earth to Jessica, are you listening? Even my sister is acidic at me about it. My dad is a bit more understanding, but has yelled at me. 

I never met the love of my life. So I can't foresee how he'd take all this. I'd hate to think he wouldn't like it anymore than everybody else I've ever met. I'd hate to think he'll say or do something embarrassing to me on the subject. I'm sure he wouldn't have offended me in any way, especially over daydreams that can use therapies. He'd kindly help in anyway he could—but he wouldn't shame me. 

I've been married 24 years now and have had mdd since as long as I can remember and went through a lot of moments of "when I find someone this will stop" to "when I get married this will stop" to "when I have a child..." etc etc etc and it never stopped. There is a form of guilt to it but also over the last 15 years or so I've managed to take a great control over it where I'm not wadering off in my head in every social situation anymore and reserving the elaborate dreaming for just when I'm trying to go to sleep or maybe a long drive. I wish I knew exaclty how I managed to curb it and be present in the moments so I could offer advice. My relationship isn't perfect and I definitely use the dreaming to imaging things better but it's also not the worst but I know my partner would not get it, he is very logical and unimaginative. I have talked to my son, now 20, as I know he also drifts off and has a huge interest in psychology.

This is interesting. I guess I hoped it would disappear lool but maybe not.

I hope I find someone I can share it with or at least just a little bit about it. There are some things I would rather keep to myself rather than fully expose the thing I'm most embarrassed about.

Also Jessica sorry but I think I deleted one of your comments!