I had my MD under somewhat control for the past year and even had a few productive months. And then, out of the blue, I had this big time-consuming daydreaming binge I didn't experience since high school.
It's been going on for the past two weeks. I found myself daydreaming from the moment I wake up to the moment I get back from work and until the night demands me to sleep.

I neglected my family, my husband, my health, and my work. I skipped a few days at work because I couldn't let my daydream go. I had to relive it, be with this imaginary character in my mind as if I was possessed.
I ate very little and practically forced myself to eat because I would have gladly kept pacing in my room, listening to those wonderful 20 seconds in a song that perfectly matched the scene. My legs hurt from the hours I've spent walking from one corner of my room to the other because I need my whole body to move to feel it.

Do you also feel that high? That incredible rush through your body when a new scene is added, like a new episode of your favourite show just came out. When that happens, it is the perfect excuse to re-imagine all of it from the start, again and again.

I keep going, only occasionally sitting down, not because I'm tired (my body is), but because I am on Pinterest looking for a new inspiration to fuel my daydream.

Before, I usually daydreamed daily for an hour, maybe two, and I kept going with my day. But right now, I can't stop myself. Today, as I'm writing this, I woke up after my body had begged me for a break. I feel a hangover, but I'm not sure I'm completely done. It keeps calling me like a drug, and the worst part is that only a tiny part of me, rational and sane, says I should focus on my life right now; make something, do something. Something real that other people can see, not just in my mind.

I just started a new job; why am I sabotaging myself? But the biggest part of me is hooked, addicted to daydreams, and it doesn't want it to end. I love it so much. Like a hungry beast, it takes every waking minute to stay in my daydream, to hear that song again, and to have conversations I would never have had in the real world.

I have a coworker who lives nearby. She picks me up at 7:30 to work. At 7:28, I am still in my room, ready, but pacing, enjoying those last few morning minutes to dance, dream, and live in the story that won't leave me. And I love it. Isn't that part of addiction? God, how much I love it. More than anything. I am married, and I love my husband with every fibre of my being; honestly, he is a huge link I have to reality. I sometimes look at him being so calm and beautiful, and I wonder: 'how did I get this lucky?', and yet - I would gladly escape to the man in my daydreams.

I feel numb to the real world; it's boring and dull. The colours aren't as bright. In my daydreams, I am the girl with all the attention, the hero and the villain; I create and destroy, and I live and die. But, in the real world, I only exist.

I thought about writing it all down; hell, make some money, turn it into a dark romance novel that sells like fresh bread. But there is no way I can stop to just 'think' or 'plan' my daydreams. I will lose the high; I can't be the 'drug' dealer. I want to snort every bit of emotion I get from a scene, over and over until I am sick of it, then to the next hit, chasing it for hours.

I try to stop, to ration my time. I say just until 9:00, 9:25, 11:00, 13:00, grab a snack, 23:00.

"Can you come to bed?" my husband says. Yes. At least I have the discipline to not daydream all night; I think and know it's a lie. I would keep going if I knew I wouldn't bother anyone at night. But I don't want them to hear me. So, I don't. But it's ok; I lay in my bed; now it's the time for the serious scenes, where no music is needed; the hero confesses his love, the villain is giving a speech. The daydream is lulling me into sleep when my body finally crashes.

And then, morning again. He wakes up early for work, and she will pick me up at 7:30. I dress in my robe, the headphones are on before I brush my teeth, and I am there in my daydream all over again.