Where wild minds come to rest
I had no idea that I lead on a 'different mind' all through my life, and always lived in the 'world of me.' You feel so much for what goes on in your own life, and it won't have an affect on anybody else. So basically, how you feel is your own dealing, and you may not find anybody who mutually shares the same things in common. Well, this is how I felt for many, many years.
I used to grow up around people in my living and schooling grounds, when they suddenly grew up and moved to other parts, carrying on as if I was never around them from the start. I realized it's because I wasn't a social butterfly and didn't get close to them, but rather I preferred to get lost in my world of MDD. On Facebook, I often asked why they cut me out since after graduation, and assumed it's because I was so quiet, and one said, "there you go."
I attended high school, but didn't get the greatest marks, because I lived in my head so much that I wasn't paying attention. Personally, I felt all fine and good, as this groove of mine was the way I naturally was back then. What I didn't see is that everybody acted towards me as if they thought I lived on another planet. To me, I thought they were being picky.
After years of dwelling in MDD, I was shocked looking back at a past that did anything but work out. MDD convinced me that wonderful things will just fall on my lap, when really, every smart person knows that everything in life takes hard work, even relationships (Seriously, I didn't know that!). I didn't know love was that hard.
Also, I wasn't financially independent as I expected I would be. Somewhere along the way, I really screwed up career-wise, due to problems with communicating, thus landed me up in big trouble, staying at home with my parents. At this moment, I clearly learned a lot as I look at an empty shell of a life that could've been better, if I had been mindfully awake and conscious of my surroundings.
MDD also convinced me that I was an important and special person, with a unique forum and essence. People always remarked on my good looks, as I believed this would get me ahead too. Regardless, I was extremely shy and quiet type, and couldn't seem to interact correctly, so this came off as uninteresting to most others. So, I was frustrated for years as to why dates were just not happening.
I feel like I can relate to you in the ways that MDD has affected my personal life, productivity, interpersonal relationships, and overall fulfillment with day to day activities. It's often frustrating comparing myself with others, and wondering why I can't just be normal like them, and interact in the same way that they do. But then I realize that we all have our own gifts.
I strongly believe that you ARE an important and special person, with a unique forum and essence, and that this holds true in real life as well. I also believe that this is true for every person on this planet, including myself. Life, in my opinion, is beyond special, and the fact that we all have our unique individuality, unique set of thoughts, experiences, and memories, and our own understandings and perspectives that nobody else in all of eternity may ever understand is just so incredibly special that it's amazingly beautiful.
I strongly believe that you have a tremendous amount to offer the world. I believe that your unique thoughts, visions, and ideas are needed for the well-being of us all. Even if MDD puts countless obstacles your way, just overcoming any of those small battles is a unique achievement in and of itself. Your experience with MDD will make you unimaginably strong, and as you push though all the battles you need to get through to live the life you want to life, you will find a huge amount of happiness and fulfillment along the way. I wish you the absolute best, and that you take time along the way to celebrate small victories, because over time, they will add up to a spectacular life!