Where wild minds come to rest
Is it possible?
I've had the same daydream for many, many years. It occurs in real-time and the characters are all the same. Its the life I wish I had. Its the life I feel I could have had if I didn't get married and had moved to where I wanted to when I was younger.
I'm 50 now and wish I could start over, but obviously, can't.
Does anyone ever wish so hard that their dreams come true that it becomes an emotional obsession?
I know if I got up and left and went to where I want to, the chances are slim that I'd ever live the life I've dreamed of for. But I want to do it anyway and its eating me up.
Am I alone with this type of torture?
Same here, friend. Unfortunately, my dreams are impossible to fulfil. And, besides, my dreams are so taboo that even telling people i wish it'd come true can lead them to make questions over the integrity of my personality. It seems strange to them that I'd like to be less than others, have to rely completely on them. They see it as a sexual fantasies, which it isn't.
I'm not present in my daydreams, so I don't long for their life. But I have found myself wishing I had some of the kinds of relationships that I've built for my characters. But here's the thing, in real life things don't work out the way they do in fantasy. In fantasy, my characters can form very close and intimate relationships with one another that are wholly fullfilling. In real life, those same sorts of relationships are going to be full of inconsistencies and complications because that is how people are and also because life is hard and everyone has their own stresses that interfere with them doing the things they want to do. So while I desperately wish I had a friendship like the ones in my fantasy, in real life my own friendships are very meaningful- but not nearly so neat or intimate or devoted. So what I find is that the day dream makes me dissatisfied with something that is good and real in favor of something that is impossible and fake. That is never a good thing.
I assume this same logic would apply to imagined scenarios or dream lives. Whatever it is you are doing in your fantasy would not be nearly so cool in real life if it were to come true because real life is complicated and stressful. For example, if it is a job you wish you had, then maybe it would be fulfilling, but also it would be stressful and there would be a trade-off plus work politics etc. I'm not saying you shouldn't strive towards creating some sort of more fulfilling life for yourself. By all means do that! And if your daydream helps inspire you, then use that inspiration. But you should not torture yourself that your life is not like your daydream because it is absolutely impossible that it ever could be. Even if you get what you want, it won't be like it is in your daydream because you control your daydream. You don't control real life.
Here's another example. Even when I daydream about bad things happening to my characters, I've found that it is satisfying in a way because of the drama, the way other characters respond, the way my characters use their strengths to pull through, the way their failures make them vulnerable and this allows them to receive help and form tighter bonds with others or sometimes how it allows others to be kinky or heroic or loyal or whatever. But in real life, when horrible things have happened to me, typically life just falls apart. Relationships pull through, but they are changed and damaged. There is no silver lining, no heroes, no sense of accomplishment. When you survive something horrible, you are just surviving- and you pull through but you are drained, exhausted, then have to rebuild. This is real life. It's not at all satisfying like it is in fantasy.
Likewise with very happy things. I have a very happy marriage. We have a wonderful time together, but we can't devote ourselves to one another constantly. We have different interests, we argue about dishes/laundry, our hearts get tugged in different directions by family commitments, friendships, dreams, etc. We have to balance finances against work goals against quality of life and hobbies/dreams. In the end, we are compromising constantly. It's nothing like the intensity of love and loyalty of my characters for whom the boring tedium of stresses in real life never affect. Their cars don't break down in boring ways in boring places on the way to work in the morning, and if it does, the impact on their lives usually doesn't involve things like how to get laundry done while making up the work they missed in the morning.
See what I mean?