Why this link to an "addiction recovery" site worries me.

This is the link I'm talking about: http://gettinbetter.com/addiction.html Please forgive me in advance - I'm going to be very blunt, and do not to mean to hurt feelings or offend.

I've seen this link posted a couple places here. People said it was helpful, so I checked it out. At first I just reasoned that it wasn't my cup of tea.

Then I read this:

"No small child has the ability to recognize how messed-up his/her parent is, and understand why that adult isn't capable of giving them loving attention, support and praise. He automatically presumes it's because he's not lovable, and spends the rest of his life trying to convince himself it's not true!"

BLUNT WARNING: This is a load of CRAP.

Now, I would've been fine if it had said "most", or even "nearly all" children are like this. Maybe I'm just nit-picking here. But for a girl who was verbally abused all her life, I can personally say that THIS IS NOT TRUE. Maybe I was just blessed growing up; I always knew that the parent who yelled and threw things at me was completely different from the parent who taught me how to read and did fun art projects with me. Same body, two different people. I cannot remember a time when I did not understand this. I always knew this parent loved me, regardless of the abuse I suffered.

I understand that I very well may be a rare, fortunate case, and that most other children may very well respond to abuse as the article suggests. My point is, they assume that all abused children are affected the same way, when that is simply not the case.

I know that this link has helped at least several people on this site, and I'm sure there are many good, helpful things about it. I'm just saying... don't be so quick to believe everything it says.

Anyway. Just had to get that out there.

Again, I apologize if I've offended. That was not my intent at all. :)

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Much of the information on gettinbetter dot com/ addiction is written in a very dogmatic style. It gives the impression that Shari Scheiber thinks her method of overcoming addiction is the only way and all others are wrong; that there is a one size fits all cure for addiction.

That is the impression given by the writing on the page. I'm not saying that is how Shari Scheiber feels.

Most addicts succeed after trying and failing numerous times with numerous different methods. They eventually stop on their own or will give credit for their recovery to whatever treatment method they were using at the time.

I don't believe there is one method of overcoming addiction that works for everyone. I believe all methods have some helpful tools and information.

The human brain has about 100 billion neurons and trillions of synapse that make up the puzzle of who we are. Every word we hear, every experience, every moment changes our brain. Conjoined twins have different personalities. We are not like automobiles rolling off an assembly line and the diagnosis of mental problems and the best method of correcting them is a bit more complex than most people (including psychologist, doctors, therapist, etc.) admit. 

Each person's situation is different and unique.

Thank you - glad I'm not the only one. :)

Rashomon Effect said:

Much of the information on gettinbetter dot com/ addiction is written in a very dogmatic style. It gives the impression that Shari Scheiber thinks her method of overcoming addiction is the only way and all others are wrong; that there is a one size fits all cure for addiction.

That is the impression given by the writing on the page. I'm not saying that is how Shari Scheiber feels.

Most addicts succeed after trying and failing numerous times with numerous different methods. They eventually stop on their own or will give credit for their recovery to whatever treatment method they were using at the time.

I don't believe there is one method of overcoming addiction that works for everyone. I believe all methods have some helpful tools and information.

The human brain has about 100 billion neurons and trillions of synapse that make up the puzzle of who we are. Every word we hear, every experience, every moment changes our brain. Conjoined twins have different personalities. We are not like automobiles rolling off an assembly line and the diagnosis of mental problems and the best method of correcting them is a bit more complex than most people (including psychologist, doctors, therapist, etc.) admit. 

Each person's situation is different and unique.

Oh come on, hahah. I won't even bother defending the author because she did write ridiculous stuff that I didn't even try coming to terms with in several articles on her website but majority of points raised about resolving addictions are correct and you'll encounter them often across the web because it's a well-known mechanism. The article was posted because it raises several excellent points about dissociation of feelings and emotional maturing and you cannot deny that there are a few quite insightful tips for someone who is a pro at taking the escape route.

As for the children thing, isn't the author implying that the child isn't capable of seeing through their parent's unresolved complexes and displacement issues lashed out at children? If a mother is self-medicating herself by redirecting anger and yelling at her kid because her boss treats her like shit, a child will get affected even though it's not their fault. A four year-old kid doesn't just laugh it off by realizing his mother is neurotic.

I agree with Eretaia. I don't think everything is correct all the time, and I believe the dramatic writing was a try to make a helpful impression on the mind (at least the writer states something like this). It always depends on the person and the big picture of what they've been through, no doubt about it! It is great you managed to see things the way you did. You may have been just blessed or not, I can't be sure. But I've known people that have grown up as the article says, so it isn't as exaggerated as it may seem, either.  

In any case, the basic helpful point is "addiction is caused by supression of feelings". It's not a godlike article, but it does have some useful points, in my personal opinion. Keep what feels helpful and throw away the rest ;)

Thank you all for your comments! I guess I'm just more of a literal person when it comes to these kinds of things, and I was worried that some people might not recognize the dramatic writing as being just that. If the article helps someone, more power to them! :)

"No small child has the ability to recognize how messed-up his/her parent is, and understand why that adult isn't capable of giving them loving attention, support and praise"

Can a small child understand and recognize border liner and other disorders? You're focusing on the love from those parents, but the article does not deny that. It simply denies the ability of a small child to give a well-founded clinical diagnose of it's parent's condition. Sudden outbursts of rage from a father with border-liner will not be understood as such by a small child. It may understand after a while that "he can be like that sometimes". It is not  not stated, though not clearly denied, that these parents are never capable of giving love.

"He automatically presumes it's because he's not lovable, and spends the rest of his life trying to convince himself it's not true!""

The presumption of not being lovable does seem jumping to a conclusion that is not always true. Children with low self esteem will suffer more from this thought, particularly if they're really more dependant of the views of others, like more extraverted people can be. Also, the level of understanding a kid has of it's parent makes a huge difference.

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