Where wild minds come to rest
Have any of you reached the stage where you just want to quit reality full time and totally live in your daydreaming?
Just moving from one daydream to another or a continuous stream of fantasy?
Books, movies, cartoons, fanfiction, real-life people or incidents can enable your dreaming. I've read comments on here that say that people know it's harmful and they are not truly living or doing anything with their life but they don't care. Don't want to stop. Well, I don't want to either.
My dreams are so much better than the reality- I want to dream forever. They are something I can control the outcome of. My dream characters have conflicts and problems but they have a support system or the inner strength to eventually come out on top. They aren't entirely happy but what I wouldn't give to trade my messy life for theirs. I no longer want to face life as it is.
I understand that this is not in keeping with good mental health and that I am reaching increasing levels of disassociation. I'm dread spending any time in the real world without MD as my anxiety gets through the roof to do things that require being fully present, even the simplest of tasks.
I feel like my MD is covering up other mental issues it's my detrimental coping strategy.
Depression: I'm not sure when it actually started but right now apart from my MD I feel numb to the world, apathetic towards life. I have no long-term plans, I'm only living life to the bare minimum to just get by. Without MD my life feels pointless.
Addiction: I consider my MD an addiction as without some form of disassociation from reality it I feel like I can't cope to the extreme suicide is an appealing option as my life is without purpose or even the desire to do something with my life, to change anything. I feel that it may be a reward system problem, a dopamine response thing. I am emotionally involved in my daydreamed characters lives. I feel their happiness, sadness and other emotions as my own. I've physically cried, laughed, jumped for them I pace, rock, bop my head to facilitate a daydream. To the point where my own natural emotions are repressed because I don't want to deal with them and reality and therefore MD truly fuels me.
Self-hate: I use MD to cover this a lot- if my mind is occupied on my fantasy world building then I can't think on how much I truly hate myself and my life~ leading to self-harm, depressive thoughts and about a year ago a suicide attempt.
Sorry that this has gone very dark. I know some of you cope better and MD is not without its joys- It is literally the only thing giving me a purpose at the moment and fuels my happiness as my characters joys are my own. I understand the creative aspect of MD too- I'm studying for an English degree and love reading and creative writing.
OK, before anything else, are you on medication? It sounds like maybe you need to be. There are medications out there that can really help depression. I went through a major depression about ten years ago. I was reluctant to go on medication and resisted it for a long time, preferring to treat with therapy. I had a good therapist, which are few and far between and very hard to find, but while it did help the therapy was not enough. I tried one medication and had a bad reaction to it, so I avoided medication again for another couple of years. Then my therapist passed away and I had nobody. I agreed to try medication again and while it did bring some unpleasant side effects, the medication did help. There are several out there and you just need to find the one that works for you.
Now, to your main question. If I could actually live in my daydreams instead of reality, would I?
My life is good right now. I have no particular need to want to escape it, but my daydreams are AWESOME! Life would be so much better if I could live those lives that I have invented in my head. That is not because of depression or that my real life is bad, it's just that my imaginary life is so much better.
But that's really not possible. I suppose you could withdraw into a dream world and never leave it, but to the outside world you would be a catatonic and your daydreams still would not be real. You owe it to yourself to do what you can to make your real life livable, and that means dealing with your mental health problems. Find a medication that works for you. Your daydreams will still be there.
I could have said this for myself if in my teens and 20's. I used to always love indulging in my fantasy life to escape the doldrums and let-downs of my reality. Apparently, I seriously had to wake up from my maladaptive day dreaming altogether, so that I can become self-supportive at some point. Getting a life for myself has never been easy for me and I still depend on my family to this day. Presently, I wake up to a reality that I totally condemned over my 20-year journey of fantasizing. Sorry to break this, but waking up to an empty shell of an unfulfilled life feels pretty sad. Looking back at a future where I could not comprehend how people were reacting and warning me about the possible downward spirals day dreaming will bring in my future, it actually disturbs me. Today, I really wish I had listened, since I was 13 years old.
I respect you want to escape reality and enjoy some stimulating MDD, if that's what you love doing, then it all sounds good.