Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

Now that we've had some time to think about this & discuss it, let's start creating a plan to help.  Let's try and make a list that we can refer to & refer others to.  Here's my question:


What helps? 


Not just what helps you stop daydreaming.  This is a condition we need to learn to live with. 


What helps in any way possible?  Interpret that in every way possible, and be as specific as possible. 

Some ways you can think of it:


What helps make your life better?

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

What makes your daydreams more productive?

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

What helps you feel stronger?

What helps you feel safer?

What helps you feel more confident?


Let’s act like we’re compiling a list of things to tell new people who’re just figuring out they’re going through this & are not sure what to do.  What advice would you give them to help them feel more empowered?

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Being completely alone is what triggers my MDD. If I am surrounded by other people, then I am distracted from my intrusive thoughts and tendency to walk around.

For me, my daydreams stem from boredom and routine. When I have work tasks to focus on or something going on in my family life I'm able to focus on the external world and engage. At night before I go to sleep, when work is boring/routine or when my family life gets too routine/boring I lapse into daydreaming.

My daydreams never seem to feel productive because they all largely center around a famous person whom I have a crush on. Mostly I feel deep shame because I feel like I'm committing mental infidelity against my husband, even if I would never cheat on him in real life. In my daydreams I am always already the ideal version of myself (thin, energetic, young looking) but never there's a part where I'm getting myself to that point (except younger looking which is impossible to happen). And for me at least the appeal of the daydream is reliving that feeling of just meeting someone. Something that I will never (God willing) have again. I love my husband dearly, but part of me does mourn that I will never again have a "first kiss." I wonder if that's normal or if there is something really wrong with me.

One thing that helps is willpower.  I make myself pay attention sometimes and remind myself that reality is better than fantasy.  It doesn't work all of the time but it helps.  I haven't been doing this stuff for very long, but I think some of these methods are starting to help.  I time myself to read for three minutes and keep a tally of how many times my mind wanders.  I also will time myself to just sit in the present moment.  Sometimes I think I am getting better and sometimes not.  Maybe this will help someone.  Meditation helps me emotionally but does not seem to make concentration any better.  Medication does not seem to help.  Just with my emotions.   

'm procrastinating for a long time a simple thing may take months to do it
i'm in a sea of manipulative of daydreaming, how to get out of it , how to cure this

Nathen Israel I can relate to that, there are certain feelings that make me daydream mostly - anxiety, stress, pressure, anger, sadness, but I often times will talk into my audio recorder on my phone, that way it "feels" like I'm talking it out, and I'm able to like release whatever it is out of my system, at least a little bit. Also I can go back and listen to what I recorded and  I can remember the feelings that were with me when I recorded, and I feel like I was able to get it out.

Nathen Israel said:

Hi,

I recently found that constantly writing wondering thoughts down, or keeping track of them, keeps you away of falling into intense daydreaming. Whenever you realize that you are wondering and not present or focused write it down on your phone or ipod or touch or something. I find that this keeps it from getting you aware of your thoughts and stops it from getting out control. The downside to this that this can become a habit and problem of its own, like when your talking to someone and you impulsively pull out your phone to stop from daydreaming.

N

Meditation usually takes a week or so to take effect. Are you giving it enough time. It helps me because meditation makes me more present and more satisfied with with my real life, therefore I'm less likely to daydream. Sometimes there is so much stress that nothing I do will stop the dreams...like now :-(

Brian Rhodes said:

One thing that helps is willpower.  I make myself pay attention sometimes and remind myself that reality is better than fantasy.  It doesn't work all of the time but it helps.  I haven't been doing this stuff for very long, but I think some of these methods are starting to help.  I time myself to read for three minutes and keep a tally of how many times my mind wanders.  I also will time myself to just sit in the present moment.  Sometimes I think I am getting better and sometimes not.  Maybe this will help someone.  Meditation helps me emotionally but does not seem to make concentration any better.  Medication does not seem to help.  Just with my emotions.   

You don't have to do something you are good at. Start with something you like to do...WHATEVER you like, gardening, rafting, cartwheels, baking, fixing things. Just pick something to do (that makes you feel good) and do it. Don't add the "what about the future". the problem with the daydreams is that its ALL about escaping the present moment, which is what the "what do i need to do with my life" conversation is...it's the same problem but one you have control over. The WORST thing about the DD is that it prevents our minds from being completely clear. Which is where all of the clear ideas pile into ( a clear mind ). So try to relax. Find something you like to do...even if it's stupid and concentrate on that, if it gets boring find another stupid thing. I promise you things will fall into place.

Emma said:

What helps make your life better?


Regular routines, focusing on others, staying busy

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

Life has been less and less fulfilling everyday.  I don't think I have what it takes to make it more fulfilling and I don't know what to do about that.

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

Routines, productivity

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

I daydream less when I'm engaged with other people and when I'm happy.  I daydream more when I'm stressed, depressed or busy with mindless work.

What makes your daydreams more productive?

My daydreams are never productive.

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

Sometimes I'll get really into  a particular moment and be unable to get to doing things in real life because I'll stay in bed or go for a drive.  Then I feel sluggish and tired all day.

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

I do not have any positive experiences or feelings about my daydreams.  I hate that I do this.

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

They always make me feel sluggish

What helps you feel stronger?

What helps you feel safer?

What helps you feel more confident?

Look, seriously I'm at a point in my life where I've achieved a lot of the things I used to be working towards.  Working towards those things used to make me feel strong, safe, confident and productive, but now that I have them, I just feel bored.  I'm not good enough at anything to really pursue something and enjoy the flow of creativity and work.  I've built a pretty comfortable existence now and so I also don't have the motivation of strife to get me going.  I just wake up everyday and wonder what the hell I'm supposed to do with myself for the next few decades, and the things that I used to enjoy have become boring.  Also some bad things have happened that can't be undone.  What I need is to be good at something and have a thing to pursue.  But I'm not good at anything and so I just go through the motions every single day, bored and depressed, and really the daydreams are the only thing interesting in my life.  It's nice to ask what makes things better, but I can't think of anything.  Sometimes I think I should just have kids just to have something to do and to be forced to be busy, but almost everyone I know who has kids hates their daily life.  Their kids drive them nuts even though they love them.  They resent them, and when they are teenagers they really make them miserable.  I would be that sort of parent, so I don't have kids either.  And in the end, I just don't really have much reason to get out of bed.

Now that we've had some time to think about this & discuss it, let's start creating a plan to help.  Let's try and make a list that we can refer to & refer others to.  Here's my question:

What helps? 

Meditation. Exercise, willpower, Being happy, satisfied, Feeling calm, having something to focus on.

Not just what helps you stop daydreaming.  This is a condition we need to learn to live with. 

SHUT DOWN social media. Unplug as much as possible. Less outside triggers mean less daydreams.

What helps in any way possible? Interpret that in every way possible, and be as specific as possible. 

Meditation takes a while and its hard to not daydream while i meditate, but if i've been doing it consistently after a few days to a week I am just calm and clearminded as hell. Stuff that annoys me feel like nothing or even feels good. Like washing the dishes. I usually Daydream to escape diswashing. but after meditation I'm good to go...Only thing. You can't stop meditating. Pain in the ass.

Some ways you can think of it:

What helps make your life better?

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

Daydream more: Strong emotion especially negative. Shame, embarrassment, guilt, pain,

What makes your daydreams more productive?

Productive? That's a thing? Okay I'll say this. Now that I'm an adult my daydreams are about real life things. Sometimes something will happen and I will daydream about something that I think is totally different. (I got into an argument with my mother and all of a sudden I'm daydreaming about the time my best friend embarrassed me by trying to correct me in front of people) suddenly I realize that both of the people are acting the same way, I have the same emotions about both. It helped me realize that my daydreams reflect my current emotions and (sometimes) help me put 2+2 together so I understand a situation more clearly. Kind of how real dreams work...I dropped that best friend like a hot potato btw.

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

Strong emotion makes them less productive. Happy or sad emotions. But mostly sad ones.

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

If a daydream makes it seem like something I really want is possible.

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

I don't think that happens

What helps you feel stronger?

Accomplishment. Feeling Capable

What helps you feel safer?

Family, cooked food in the fridge (there was never any food in the house growing up). Money, when people help me

What helps you feel more confident?

Accomplishing something. Especially something I didn't think I could do.

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