What does a person on the outside do? - Wild Minds network2024-03-29T11:21:59Zhttps://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do?commentId=4661400%3AComment%3A277726&xg_source=activity&feed=yes&xn_auth=noThe fact that you are here le…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-04-06:4661400:Comment:2845522018-04-06T00:50:40.602Zsearching momhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/searchingmom
<p>The fact that you are here learning about it, shows you care. I was excited when I found this site, and also a name for what my daughter does, but when I talked to her about it she didn't even go online and research. I'm sure she wants to protect the world that helps protect her. As many people have told me on here, the fantasy is better than the reality so there is no switch to just flip. Camoran has great advice, just being supportive is so helpful. Inviting him out and engaging in…</p>
<p>The fact that you are here learning about it, shows you care. I was excited when I found this site, and also a name for what my daughter does, but when I talked to her about it she didn't even go online and research. I'm sure she wants to protect the world that helps protect her. As many people have told me on here, the fantasy is better than the reality so there is no switch to just flip. Camoran has great advice, just being supportive is so helpful. Inviting him out and engaging in everyday activities...even a texting conversation...will put him in touch with a real person. I also read some great advice that I talked to my daughter about (sorry I can't give credit to who wrote it, can't remember)...it was about incorporating the person you want to be into the person you are. If you choose things like eating healthy, working out, etc, then you are doing something positive for you in reality. All anyone needs in life is one good friend!<br/> <br/> <cite>Filly said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do?id=4661400%3ATopic%3A276179&page=2#4661400Comment284505"><div><div class="xg_user_generated">Beautifully written.<br/> I have a good friend who dreams. I told him about this site and he just listened but does not share much. He tries hard to interact with the real world, holds a driving job, dances and reads.<br/> I would do anything I can to help him but he holds so much in.</div>
</div>
</blockquote> Kitt, Thank you for your com…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-04-06:4661400:Comment:2847332018-04-06T00:33:14.393Zsearching momhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/searchingmom
<p>Kitt, Thank you for your comments. I think you are correct that it has become a default for my daughter also. If you don't mind me asking, how did you meet your husband? She has been in two relationships but now has no interest and no social outlet. Does he know that you still do this? I'm encouraged at your progress and I know she will be too. <br></br> <br></br> <cite>Kitt Coltrane said:…</cite></p>
<p>Kitt, Thank you for your comments. I think you are correct that it has become a default for my daughter also. If you don't mind me asking, how did you meet your husband? She has been in two relationships but now has no interest and no social outlet. Does he know that you still do this? I'm encouraged at your progress and I know she will be too. <br/> <br/> <cite>Kitt Coltrane said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do#4661400Comment283557"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Searching, I used MDD as a coping mechanism for childhood abuse. Now, it is my natural default when I feel uncertain, fearful and scared. I like my MDD because it is a safe place to fall. I pretend in my real life as I go through motions, settled for things because I was taught I was worthless. I pretended so well, I ended up with a normal life. I seem to have a big personality, a loving marriage, lots of friends, and a great relationship w/h wonderful sisters. I’m successful. Yet, I still spend 2-3 hours everyday DD. It is because of DD that I can adjust to my life, that I can accept mediocrity, that I can live without violent and chaotic reactions to triggers. </p>
<p>Your daughter had a rough start, as did I, but what she has that I didn’t is a mother who loves her. I dissociated so much when I was a child that I never learned how to feel safe, loved, wanted, or happy. So I’ve faked it and now after years of loving myself and developing my inner child properly with years of intense therapy, I’m truly seeing worth and value. If you met me, you would think I was the most put together and amazing person. And I am, just not how others describe that image. I survived and I’m happy. I also still DD because I learned how to utilize it to help me feel safe and wanted. Your daughter can learn how to adjust to her MDD. She can deal with her pain and feelings of worthlessness with therapy. She just has to see what is at stake if she doesn’t. Ask her to come here and read. </p>
<p>We MDDers aren’t broken, we are just trying to cope with pain and internal struggles we didn’t have the tools for so we made up our own. </p>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote> Support doesn't have to be ac…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-04-05:4661400:Comment:2846142018-04-05T14:47:05.417ZCamoranhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Source
<p>Support doesn't have to be active to be effective. People who are stuck out of reality can't be pulled back in, they have to find their own way to re-sync with the world around them, and the more value they find in it the easier it will be. By simply showing that you genuinely care, even if you don't think you're really doing anything, you're adding to that value.<br></br> <br></br> <cite>Filly said:…</cite></p>
<p>Support doesn't have to be active to be effective. People who are stuck out of reality can't be pulled back in, they have to find their own way to re-sync with the world around them, and the more value they find in it the easier it will be. By simply showing that you genuinely care, even if you don't think you're really doing anything, you're adding to that value.<br/> <br/> <cite>Filly said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do?xg_source=activity&id=4661400%3ATopic%3A276179&page=2#4661400Comment284505"><div><div class="xg_user_generated">Beautifully written.<br/> I have a good friend who dreams. I told him about this site and he just listened but does not share much. He tries hard to interact with the real world, holds a driving job, dances and reads.<br/> I would do anything I can to help him but he holds so much in.</div>
</div>
</blockquote> Beautifully written.
I have a…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-04-05:4661400:Comment:2845052018-04-05T04:45:04.790ZFillyhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Filly
Beautifully written.<br />
I have a good friend who dreams. I told him about this site and he just listened but does not share much. He tries hard to interact with the real world, holds a driving job, dances and reads.<br />
I would do anything I can to help him but he holds so much in.
Beautifully written.<br />
I have a good friend who dreams. I told him about this site and he just listened but does not share much. He tries hard to interact with the real world, holds a driving job, dances and reads.<br />
I would do anything I can to help him but he holds so much in. Searching, I used MDD as a co…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-03-26:4661400:Comment:2835572018-03-26T16:22:43.179ZKitt Coltranehttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/KittColtrane
<p>Searching, I used MDD as a coping mechanism for childhood abuse. Now, it is my natural default when I feel uncertain, fearful and scared. I like my MDD because it is a safe place to fall. I pretend in my real life as I go through motions, settled for things because I was taught I was worthless. I pretended so well, I ended up with a normal life. I seem to have a big personality, a loving marriage, lots of friends, and a great relationship w/h wonderful sisters. I’m successful. Yet, I still…</p>
<p>Searching, I used MDD as a coping mechanism for childhood abuse. Now, it is my natural default when I feel uncertain, fearful and scared. I like my MDD because it is a safe place to fall. I pretend in my real life as I go through motions, settled for things because I was taught I was worthless. I pretended so well, I ended up with a normal life. I seem to have a big personality, a loving marriage, lots of friends, and a great relationship w/h wonderful sisters. I’m successful. Yet, I still spend 2-3 hours everyday DD. It is because of DD that I can adjust to my life, that I can accept mediocrity, that I can live without violent and chaotic reactions to triggers. </p>
<p>Your daughter had a rough start, as did I, but what she has that I didn’t is a mother who loves her. I dissociated so much when I was a child that I never learned how to feel safe, loved, wanted, or happy. So I’ve faked it and now after years of loving myself and developing my inner child properly with years of intense therapy, I’m truly seeing worth and value. If you met me, you would think I was the most put together and amazing person. And I am, just not how others describe that image. I survived and I’m happy. I also still DD because I learned how to utilize it to help me feel safe and wanted. Your daughter can learn how to adjust to her MDD. She can deal with her pain and feelings of worthlessness with therapy. She just has to see what is at stake if she doesn’t. Ask her to come here and read. </p>
<p>We MDDers aren’t broken, we are just trying to cope with pain and internal struggles we didn’t have the tools for so we made up our own. </p> Thank you, Aziz...I am findin…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-02-01:4661400:Comment:2777262018-02-01T01:24:17.682Zsearching momhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/searchingmom
<p>Thank you, Aziz...I am finding this out more and more. Had our first appointment with a counselor (went some years ago but starting new) and she had some great ideas. Choosing things that are pleasing in reality will act as a reward to return when she feels the need to slip away. Good Luck to you!<br></br> <br></br> <cite>Aziz Seyidov said:…</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do#4661400Comment277672"></blockquote>
<p>Thank you, Aziz...I am finding this out more and more. Had our first appointment with a counselor (went some years ago but starting new) and she had some great ideas. Choosing things that are pleasing in reality will act as a reward to return when she feels the need to slip away. Good Luck to you!<br/> <br/> <cite>Aziz Seyidov said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do#4661400Comment277672"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>I absolutely agree with you, it's important to get engage in a lot's real life activities and relationships , that will help to divert attention from daydreaming and suppress it when it arises. <br/> <br/> <cite>Whitney said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do#4661400Comment276191"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>I think it's important to be reminded that life could be better if we tried to spend time in it and how quickly time passes by. Maybe share experiences of your own life, the journey getting to different stages, how difficult or easy it may be and always assuring her that no matter what, it will be okay.</p>
<p>I think that if I were in your daughter's shoes I'd also get angry if reminded about the harm I was doing to myself but only because I don't want to deal with reality, working on making my dreams a reality, fear (along with other emotions) and daydreaming is so much more easy, comforting, and you must remember that most resort to it because of something.</p>
<p>I think the best way to help someone with MDD is get them to engage more in this world - as in interact with others or in hobbies, just doing an activity that requires your time to be present. In my case, it's sometimes forcing myself to attend on-campus classes, going to a family party, getting a job. Just being in a conversation prevents me from daydreaming. That's why it's important to spend time with her, get her out of the house, do things she likes (maybe go to a concert, movies, walk around the neighborhood talking). It's not just about her being present and trying with all her might not to daydream by removing triggers, it's also about showing her that she could feel as good being here in the real world, doing real things as she does in her daydreams and isn't as bad as she thought.</p>
<p>Everything is a process and it's just important to expose her more and more to this world. Interact with her, get her to do things she likes in her daydreams out here in the real world, talk with her and figure out why she daydreams, get her cousins/siblings to take her out, get her in school or work. Just don't let her isolate herself. When I isolated myself (stopped working and taking less and less classes) my daydreaming time sky-rocketed and I found myself angry at anything from the real world that demanded my attention (classwork, family). I also forgot how to communicate and connect with others which made me want to lose myself in my daydreams even more.</p>
<p>So, if I could tell someone how to help me, I would say; "remind me that life is awesome and that it slips away so fast. Even if we think we have time to begin "living" later on and things will magically fall in place - it doesn't work that way. We need to work at life by gaining experiences. Some of these moments will be good and others bad, and it may not turn out to what we wanted, but only in this way will we create ourselves, adapt, and figure out another way to be happy here. Everything will be okay one way or another." But more important than words is the actual showing, the actions of engaging in this world. </p>
<p>Actually living through something is always better than just imagining. Even if some think that they're content with just daydreaming, it isn't true.</p>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote> I absolutely agree with you,…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-01-31:4661400:Comment:2776722018-01-31T11:49:51.466ZAziz Seyidovhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/AzizSeyidov
<p>I absolutely agree with you, it's important to get engage in a lot's real life activities and relationships , that will help to divert attention from daydreaming and suppress it when it arises. <br></br> <br></br> <cite>Whitney said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do#4661400Comment276191"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>I think it's important to be reminded that life could be better if we tried to spend time in it and how…</p>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p>I absolutely agree with you, it's important to get engage in a lot's real life activities and relationships , that will help to divert attention from daydreaming and suppress it when it arises. <br/> <br/> <cite>Whitney said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/what-does-a-person-on-the-outside-do#4661400Comment276191"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>I think it's important to be reminded that life could be better if we tried to spend time in it and how quickly time passes by. Maybe share experiences of your own life, the journey getting to different stages, how difficult or easy it may be and always assuring her that no matter what, it will be okay.</p>
<p>I think that if I were in your daughter's shoes I'd also get angry if reminded about the harm I was doing to myself but only because I don't want to deal with reality, working on making my dreams a reality, fear (along with other emotions) and daydreaming is so much more easy, comforting, and you must remember that most resort to it because of something.</p>
<p>I think the best way to help someone with MDD is get them to engage more in this world - as in interact with others or in hobbies, just doing an activity that requires your time to be present. In my case, it's sometimes forcing myself to attend on-campus classes, going to a family party, getting a job. Just being in a conversation prevents me from daydreaming. That's why it's important to spend time with her, get her out of the house, do things she likes (maybe go to a concert, movies, walk around the neighborhood talking). It's not just about her being present and trying with all her might not to daydream by removing triggers, it's also about showing her that she could feel as good being here in the real world, doing real things as she does in her daydreams and isn't as bad as she thought.</p>
<p>Everything is a process and it's just important to expose her more and more to this world. Interact with her, get her to do things she likes in her daydreams out here in the real world, talk with her and figure out why she daydreams, get her cousins/siblings to take her out, get her in school or work. Just don't let her isolate herself. When I isolated myself (stopped working and taking less and less classes) my daydreaming time sky-rocketed and I found myself angry at anything from the real world that demanded my attention (classwork, family). I also forgot how to communicate and connect with others which made me want to lose myself in my daydreams even more.</p>
<p>So, if I could tell someone how to help me, I would say; "remind me that life is awesome and that it slips away so fast. Even if we think we have time to begin "living" later on and things will magically fall in place - it doesn't work that way. We need to work at life by gaining experiences. Some of these moments will be good and others bad, and it may not turn out to what we wanted, but only in this way will we create ourselves, adapt, and figure out another way to be happy here. Everything will be okay one way or another." But more important than words is the actual showing, the actions of engaging in this world. </p>
<p>Actually living through something is always better than just imagining. Even if some think that they're content with just daydreaming, it isn't true.</p>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote> Ranting is completely accepta…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-01-19:4661400:Comment:2766862018-01-19T14:37:37.873Zsearching momhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/searchingmom
<p>Ranting is completely acceptable on a forum page...the fact that you are on here trying to help others proves you are going in the right direction. <span style="font-size: 10pt;">It's a choice we have to make every day, to live <strong>above</strong> the line.</span> Some days are easier than others...but the good thing is, we get a new start every 24 hours. Good Luck to you also.</p>
<p> TODAY REALITY</p>
<p> ---------------- …</p>
<p>Ranting is completely acceptable on a forum page...the fact that you are on here trying to help others proves you are going in the right direction. <span style="font-size: 10pt;">It's a choice we have to make every day, to live <strong>above</strong> the line.</span> Some days are easier than others...but the good thing is, we get a new start every 24 hours. Good Luck to you also.</p>
<p> TODAY REALITY</p>
<p> ---------------- ----------------------</p>
<p> YESTERDAY FANTASY</p> Sorry, I deleted my last mess…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-01-18:4661400:Comment:2769172018-01-18T02:50:02.567ZMatthewRhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/MatthewR147
<p>Sorry, I deleted my last message. I think I ranted a bit more than I intended to. But you're right, we're not really receptive to advice until we're ready for it. So it's a bit silly to constantly think about what might have happened, or what could have been done differently. In the end, it's better to just let that stuff go, and move on. The best moments are the ones you choose for yourself, like you said. I hope you are well. Take care! </p>
<p>Sorry, I deleted my last message. I think I ranted a bit more than I intended to. But you're right, we're not really receptive to advice until we're ready for it. So it's a bit silly to constantly think about what might have happened, or what could have been done differently. In the end, it's better to just let that stuff go, and move on. The best moments are the ones you choose for yourself, like you said. I hope you are well. Take care! </p> Matthew...as the phrase goes…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2018-01-17:4661400:Comment:2769062018-01-17T15:51:10.860Zsearching momhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/searchingmom
<p>Matthew...as the phrase goes "I don't know the amount that I don't know!" You are providing information that I have never researched so that is my next step. </p>
<p>I was actually very frustrated with my parents because I felt they did not "push" me hard enough. I got decent grades so that was fine. I wasn't in sports, that was okay. I had anxiety about college so I got married and a job right out of high school. Literally, until my children turned about 10-13, I thought my parents…</p>
<p>Matthew...as the phrase goes "I don't know the amount that I don't know!" You are providing information that I have never researched so that is my next step. </p>
<p>I was actually very frustrated with my parents because I felt they did not "push" me hard enough. I got decent grades so that was fine. I wasn't in sports, that was okay. I had anxiety about college so I got married and a job right out of high school. Literally, until my children turned about 10-13, I thought my parents were responsible for all that I did and didn't do. Then I saw my (other) sullen 13 year old daughter. She was rude and she didn't want to do anything. We encouraged sports, no. We tried to bribe by giving her drum lessons if she would try track. No. She did not want to talk to us, be with us, listen to us, period. She hated school and barely made it through. Got a job and a boyfriend and moved out. That went on for the next seven years. She now is starting to realize that some of our advice was for her benefit, that we weren't trying to be controlling.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Your situation is different, I realize that from reading what you wrote. And I will never know what all you have been through....I just know that even if my stubborn daughter could go back to her 13 year old self and tell her what she is in for...it probably wouldn't make a difference. She was at a mental state..at that time..and in defense mode to any suggestions and advice. She really hadn't developed enough to think ahead. If you have had no tragedy to toughen you up...be thankful. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Do I still wish my parents had pushed me? It's a moot point because: I am, the sum of my parts. My anxiety, my creativity, my wallflower tendencies. They would still be there even if I went to college (but I probably would have dropped out). The experiences that most affect my life are the ones I had when I was on my own as an adult...the <strong>conscience</strong> choices that I made. Good and bad.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I will research the info you gave me and I appreciate the response! I also hope I have not said anything that will make you uncomfortable...I am just sharing what struck me persoally like a lightening bolt!</p>