I have known all along how and when my day dreaming began. In middle school, high school and through half of my college I had these chronic headache's accompanied by sinus inflammation, eye watering etc that made it impossible for me to concentrate on the outside world. This pressure in my head would build up right in the morning and with great pain I would get through half of the day, with my head down and wyes staring at the floor, after which it would subside and I could relax. It grew progressively worse throughout the period that it ailed me, from pretty benign in middle school(age:12) to killer at the end of school(age:17).

Somewhere in-between compensating began, I would put my head down in school and looking at nothing I would concentrate on my inner world, making dreadful fantasies with sprinkle of happiness but mostly sacrifice, anger and dread. My favourite one was where I would save people trapped in the very building I was in from zombie infestation that had occurred(derived from Resident Evil 4).  Only once my sinusitis and headache was cured two years ago did I actually notice how much I Day Dreamed! And my dreams are full of dread and painful things occurring; things like having a mutilating accident or killing my brother by some ill mistake, diseases etc. Don't get me wrong, I would also fantasise a lot of Narcissistic content and a lot of sexual stuff too(I was a teenager!) but the sum total of my Day Dream was, as I said, Dreadful. 

Lately I managed to minimise my Day Dream by acknowledging their negativity and using it as a negative reinforcement to forcefully stop MD. But it wasn't until I had read Eretaia's brilliant post titled "cure to maladaptive daydreaming" did I make all the connections and have a breakthrough. I have been using Day Dreaming to mask my every inability and take refuge in this alternate reality, from using it purely as mind diversion from pain, I learnt to use it to 'dissociate' from my every inability and weakness stemming mainly from my inability to apply myself ever since this whole misadventure began. 

The arguments at Eretaia's post brought me to think: can it be that there are those of us who use it purely for mind diversion from pain and on the other hand those who use it to creatively express themselves unbarred from obstacles of reality. And if there is a whole gradient of those in between doing a little bit of both. I think which camp you are from depends on your answer to this: Does day-dreaming enable you? or Does it disable you?

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I'm flattered dude but you're younger and smarter so thats outright untrue. But thanks anyways.

Keep rockin m8!

Dear Padraic,

I am scared to talk about OCD. I have had very many physical quirks and mental obsessions in later childhood. I have never had anxiety in my life. I have rid myself of most of these quirks and hope I continue to get better. Thanks for the thought :)


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