Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm sure there's not one MDer who has not a clue of what I'm saying.
Those sleepless nights. All of those wasted hours of your life. Those days where you are supposed to be doing something important, but you just can't get out of your own head. Those days where you feel socially isolated, and you just want to go and talk to your pretend friends. Those days where you hate everything about yourself and just want to be the Idealized version of yourself for a little while. Those days where everything in your life is going wrong, and you need your scenario to ease up the pain. And, simply, just the kind of days when you are so caught up in your daydreams that you just don't want to stop.
This is me right now. I have been blowing off loads of homework, I haven't taken the time to prepare for the VERY important Midterm Exams I'm taking all of this week, (very important, as in, if you fail these tests, you repeat the grade) I've had to drop a level in my Tap dance class, because I'm not practicing at all, and to make it all worse, I'm so attached to this make-believe character that I've kept with me since I created my daydream scenario.
Max is his name. He's so beautiful. He's the fiance of my Ideal Me, and I am finding my real self not being able to keep my mind off of him. I find myself in school remembering "times" I've had with him, thinking to myself about him a lot, and thinking about how much I can't wait to just get out of there and spend time with him. It hurts too much when I remind myself he's not real. I can't deal with this any longer. I'm so attached to him, and I need help. Now. But, after trying 3 other times to tell my mother I need help, she relentlessly says "no." She absolutely refuses to help me with my MD. And I know that there's no point in telling her anymore. She'll just turn me away and tell me that MD is not real. What a horrible thing for a parent to do, honestly.
I don't know what to do. I'm finding myself farther and farther away from my real life, and just reality itself. There seems to be nothing I can do about it. I am completely stuck. I'm finding myself colliding with a brick wall, just a stupid dead end. This is't like me. Usually, I'm on top of everything, and school is my first priority. Music was my second. Dance was my third. Now, Daydreaming is my first. School is second, Music is third, Dance is last. But you know what? None of it freaking matters to me anymore. First, second, third, fourth don't mean anything anymore. Daydreaming has just turned out to be the one and only. And I'm falling apart.
I can't be the only one. Please tell me I'm not. So, tell me: Am I the only one stuck in this rut right now? If you're not going through this right now, then have you ever gone through this before? If so, how did you rise above it? Is there even any way?
Answers would be appreciated. Thank you very much in advance. (I apologize for rambling...I just need to get this off my chest, and I feel like others may know what I'm talking about here. That would be wonderful if you do know. I don't want to feel so alone with this anymore, so I'm coming clean. Here's my secret...I can't stop daydreaming.)
Click here to see my Ideal Me and her fiance: http://s1289.beta.photobucket.com/user/Elizabeth_Scholtiisakk/media...
My Idealized version of myself is on the left. Her name is Elizabeth Scholtiisakk. (Sholl-tee-shack). Her fiance is on the right. His name is Max Pieczonka. (Peek-zonck-ah). I love them. Both of them. :')
I get what you mean.I went through the same thing with my end-of-year exams (I failed two of them. Oops. But my decent marks from throughout the year and form other subjects kept me from failing). You are definitely not the only one. I am on holidays now, but I have so much summer homework and I haven't been able to bring myself to do it.
I had no idea how to overcome this thing, except maybe having a daydream character talking me into doing my homework. That worked last week, but it was really weird because I've never had a daydream like that before. My character refused to speak to me until I did at least a quarter of my homework. It worked. Ish. Maybe you could do that except substitute 'homework' for 'study'.
Good luck with your mid terms in any case! I really hope you do well :)
I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I usually write out my DDS, so I have been writing non stop. I'm applying to college and the application is due Monday. I have four essays due, and I haven't started a single one. I've been too busy DDing to even start. I actually just laid on my bed today for four freaking hours and DDed non stop. I just can't seem to get out of this rut. When I'm this deep in, nothing works. I'm always being pulled back into my fantasy world. I can't leave it or get any work done.
You're not alone, I hope you get through this and do really well on your exams.
Thanks for all of your kind, helpful replies, everyone! I really appreciate your feedback. I honestly didn't think I would get any answers to this, but you guys positively surprised me and proved me wrong. :)
I'm sorry that all of you are going through this, as well. I truly wish the best for you! I hope you get through it soon.
And to answer your questions, yes, I did get through my midterms. Just barely, but still passed the majority of them. Math was the only one I brutally failed. UGH. But, I was able to make it through.
Thanks again, everyone!
I hope your essays went well, Luna!
I can relate. I've had MDD as long as I can remember, but after I moved 6 months ago it has gotton so so much worse. My "friends" in real life replaced me after I moved and started ignoring me. I have no friends in real life. So I have my make believe friends, and most importantly, I have him. His name is Xavier, he is my idealized selfs' boyfriend. Then later as my story progresses he becomes my husband, ect. (I switch from the past storyline to the current one in my DW) I used to be great in school. I'm thirteen, and I had a college reading level. I never made anything below an A- until we moved to my current place. Then when I became lonely, my DDs took over. I'm failing almost all my classes because I can't pay attention anymore. DDing is my only priority. My mom doesn't believe MDD exists. You know what she told me the other day? "You'll be in 9th grade soon. Ninth graders don't really pace or DD or anything; you'll grow out of it." I know my mom just wants a normal daughter. Someone to go shopping with, do make-up stuff with, get our hair/nails done, ect. Well, sorry I'm not your perfect daughter mom. Sorry I spend all my time in my room with imaginary people. Sorry I can't make friends or get a boyfriend at freaking THIRTEEN. Who has a serious bf at that age anyways? And mom, sorry I can't be normal. I would if I could. (Wow, I just read that...sorry I went off on a rage like that.)
(Don't worry about the rants, they happen.) But really, what's the fun in being normal? Think about it. Would you really want to be normal, the same as every one else? Wouldn't you just rather be who you want to be, rather than who your Mum wants? Would you be happier being who she wants you to be? Think about it.
Cala Wolf said:
And mom, sorry I can't be normal. I would if I could. (Wow, I just read that...sorry I went off on a rage like that.)
Thanks, Jennifer. It's great knowing I can talk to someone that understands me. I was just thinking...If my mom let me get help now, I can still have a semi-normal life because I'm still young, but seeing as my mom doesn't care, the thought of that should be just as real as one of my DDs.