the effect MDD has had on me as a musician

[Daryan Shahparast]

I'm a 22-year-old guy, and music has been everything to me since I can remember. But my relationship with music is different - it's not just about enjoyment, it's about creating these elaborate daydreams and pacing back and forth imagining. Love songs became the backdrop for me imagining I was the artist performing for someone special, impressing everyone. This habit intensified when I faced rejection or situations I disliked, maybe as a way to cope with embarrassment.

My musical journey has been marked by phases: from dressing up as Elvis and Michael Jackson as a kid, to emulating classic rock icons like the Beatles, Pink Floyd, and even diving into jazz with John Coltrane. Recently, I've been into "bedroom pop" artists (Tame Impala, Mac Demarco) who do it all themselves. I've taken this to the extreme, researching their gear and getting the same stuff. Sadly, this obsession has even led me to overspend and hurt my finances. I'm aware of the negative impact it's had on my social life and self-esteem. Despite studying music briefly, I'm now in my early 20s, without a clear direction, not in school or working, while my friends are moving ahead. I know I need to change this if I want a more fulfilling path, beyond just seeking fame and approval. Can anybody relate? Any other musicains in here as well? I really am thinking about quiitng the idea of pursing music all together but its hard as it has been my identity for as long as I can remember.

[The1andonlyAbber]

I became a music producer as well, and learning how to make music helped in my partial recovery because it was something creative that required my full attention. I think you should keep making music, but it’s important to stick to a budget when buying gear and plugins. Many producers have made YouTube videos on how to get the most out of cheap gear and plugins, and which free plugins are the best.

[Dee Wards]

One of my favorite daydreams is to be in the music industry…..writing, producing, singing, etc.  I don’t think most people realize just how important music is to some people.  It’s a staple in my everyday life.  

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm 37, and was always this wannabe. Trying to be other people I just wasn't, such as my favourite film characters, or people I met in everyday life. I always fell back into myself around the time somebody finally brings up remarks on what they think about my mental health. I should know better WHO I really am. I was never really satisfied with myself, because I wasn't even a likeable person who people could relate to. I was often made fun of and socially rejected by others, and I can't name how many were spiteful towards me. It breaks my heart that to this day I have no friends who respect me and admire me. You come into this world, isn't life supposed to be wonderful and giving? No, not necessarily, things can go wrong with us. Bad things can happen to us good people as well. I had loads and loads of dreams of wanting to work in the arts business. Now I'm unemployed and have to start over. I spent too much time waiting for things to just come. Serves me right. People really care based on what you can do for others, that is? It's what you can give. You want to be your favourite musicians someday, and nobody is ever supporting you on that fact. Our dreams are our own. My father once told me, "nobody cares about your satisfaction, only you do." What I suggest is that you stay in school and get immersed, don't quit. Is there a way to stop daydreaming, so you can concentrate better?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I realize that I could've had a better, happier, healthier and fulfilling life if I had dropped the god damn daydreaming. People have been asking if I'm Ok, and if I need a nap. I'm on the computer a lot, and when I appear on the public scene, I feel so tired, and have aches and cramps in areas of my body. The other day I went to a fair with my dad, and he was trying to have a conversation with me, and I was barely listening. I was absorbed in my own pace of thoughts and was mumbling words to myself. I was a mess.