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So disappointed with people in real life!

I'm frustrated because I've been trying hard to be more outgoing lately. My therapist keeps telling me how good it is for me to be around people instead of being alone in my apartment daydreaming. I confess that I find being around other people to be exhausting! I feel exposed, on edge and kind of tense around people.  When I'm around others (even if I'm having a good time) there's always this point when I wish I could just be alone and daydream.

What I hate is that I feel so disappointed in people. I also find that when I spend time with people, I end up feeling lonely and tired later. I went to a writing critique group tonight, and then later I had dinner with someone I met there. I went home just feeling so terribly lonely. I'm having a hard time deciding if I really like this new friend or not. He says some things that I find annoying.

I think part of me is actually afraid of recovery- of being "too happy" and not wanting to daydream.  I wish I could find people in real life that are as cool as my fantasy people are.  I'm not sure what exactly I'm looking for. Someone who never bugs me? Someone who loves me unconditionally? Does such a person exist?

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I always feel like people in real life wil present you with a mask. Sometimes they know it is a mask and it is entirely untruthful, because they want you to like them, they want you to think of them as "cool" or "manly". Sometimes that mask, they don't even know it is there and they will bend over backwards to get the kind of reaction out of you that they want, and they will spout their ideas and words because they fit the person they want to be, not the person they are. I don't know, I never feel such a disconnect between my characters and who they actually are. People in the real world are seldom genuine and I find it very draining to navigate all those falsehoods. On the other hand I find it very difficult to be genuine with them. Not so difficult with my characters. 

I am also afraid to let go of my daydream. I find the real world bleak and disappointing, and if that is the only thing left for me to experience, I'm not sure I want that.

I feel just like this. I mentioned something similar about made-up people/characters being more interesting than real people in a forum thread.

I hate being around people for the same exact reasons among many others.

When I get lonely I usually go to chat rooms once in a great while only to be annoyed and end up avoiding them altogether for a long time.

There is a cab driver whom I feel the same way you do about your "friend." I do not consider him as such, but I guess I think he is ok. What I am afraid of is that he is hopeful that I will always be in a good mood and that I will be expected by him to act a certain way, which I incredibly find irritating.

So I can surely relate. 

I am not sure if such people who can love us without ever getting on our nerves can ever be reality.....Maybe because we are all imperfect creatures. But then how come other people seem to have this? Makes me ponder....

Some of the people I know always argue on other people's actions and decisions and kept pointing fingers at each other. I don't really understand why :( can't they just try to listen and understand each other? Humans are selfish (including me)

But the thing is, you can't really blame anyone because everyone has their weaknesses and no one is perfect. Conflicts will always come up, and the best solution is to try and understand the other person's situation.

I get tired too when socializing with the people in real life. I hate some of the things they do, and at the same time, I'm afraid of criticism. So I normally avoid social situations (not excessively). Introverts need their resting time. There was once when I got really tired spending time with a friend, and she didn't want to leave. I finally told her about my feelings and ended up explaining introversion :p

Most people are boring, you don't have to be friends with them, that will only drain your energy. But someone who never bugs you and loves you unconditionally...dream on Jennifer? You could hopefully find someone who comes close, that is if you're lucky.

People can be disappointing in so many ways. What I hate most is when I feel I don't really matter that much to them while they've been friendly so far, ignoring me now, I feel like I'm being betrayed, well I hate those masks people put on.

Lately I don't feel like any social activity, not because of fear, just boredom. I see it as a phase, I like taking quite some me-time. And yes it can be just as lonely as the social activities....but not as boring ;-).

I understand the fear of losing your strong imagination. I don't really think it can happen permanently but you can get distracted, I had a mundane office job where my creativity didn't have enough room and it was kind of locked up sometimes. When spending more time on social activities I had no energy left to be creative in my spare time.

Dang. I posted alot and it did not even go through. How sad? Even this website doesn't want to hear what I have to say.:p


That's how I felt with a person that I met recently... I just don't understand "friendly" people. I actually love them but at the end they disappoint me. Maybe it's because I think too much and this kind of people generally don't think before they act, (which is good because they can be more spontaneous), but the ways of thinking are so different that the interactions become complicated. I personally think I prefer to be self-conscious rather than confusing other people (not intentionally at least).


Floris said:


People can be disappointing in so many ways. What I hate most is when I feel I don't really matter that much to them while they've been friendly so far, ignoring me now, I feel like I'm being betrayed, well I hate those masks people put on.

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