seeking advice for the sexual side of MD - Wild Minds network2024-03-29T13:08:41Zhttps://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/seeking-advice-for-the-sexual-side-of-md?commentId=4661400%3AComment%3A106136&feed=yes&xn_auth=nohi,
I can relate to that
I fi…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-19:4661400:Comment:1119752012-11-19T21:17:23.237Zjessicahttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/jessica
<p>hi,</p>
<p>I can relate to that</p>
<p>I find that most of my MD "friends" i have had some kind of sexual relationship with but iv realised that they always play such a similar role. I have a partner of 10 years and i really feel like im cheating on him because i feel so close to my MD friends. How ever saying that i never ever use my dreams to create my sexual arousal to be with him. Does that make sense? I would feel to guilty to ever do that to him. But i get my needs out of the MD world…</p>
<p>hi,</p>
<p>I can relate to that</p>
<p>I find that most of my MD "friends" i have had some kind of sexual relationship with but iv realised that they always play such a similar role. I have a partner of 10 years and i really feel like im cheating on him because i feel so close to my MD friends. How ever saying that i never ever use my dreams to create my sexual arousal to be with him. Does that make sense? I would feel to guilty to ever do that to him. But i get my needs out of the MD world instead of the reality world, which is suppose is really really bad?!</p>
<p>But i find that i have set such a high standard in my dream world that my partner will never be able to reach it and it does effect our relationship. To the point where i think its not fair on him and i should just leave him, how will he ever meet my desires when my desires are all dreams?! </p> I can identify with some of w…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-19:4661400:Comment:1103382012-11-19T05:22:31.935ZEric Starneshttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/EricStarnes
<p>I can identify with some of what you are experiencing but may not have ready advice. Each one of us have different perspectives and this MD thing is like brand new-just found this site in last half hour. Still a bit amazed, frankly. Will just say this: it is worth the effort to deal with the issues that led to your reaching this point. I used fantasy to help deal with insecurity, but also to boost my ego. From my view, I need to be able to see myself realistically but not judgmentally. …</p>
<p>I can identify with some of what you are experiencing but may not have ready advice. Each one of us have different perspectives and this MD thing is like brand new-just found this site in last half hour. Still a bit amazed, frankly. Will just say this: it is worth the effort to deal with the issues that led to your reaching this point. I used fantasy to help deal with insecurity, but also to boost my ego. From my view, I need to be able to see myself realistically but not judgmentally. Discovering that the real me had much to offer, if I lost some of my pride and accepted that the real me was more worthy than any fantasy could ever be and that my unique self was worth developing has made a difference for the better. I am sounding a little trite perhaps but the truth is very simple sometimes. </p>
<p>I will keep you in my prayers for a good tomorrow and future success in all your endeavors.</p> You sound like me. My real…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-19:4661400:Comment:1101292012-11-19T04:01:23.483ZFemShephttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/teresa
<p>You sound like me. My real life partner gives me such a hard time about sex. I just never feel in the mood to be with her. It feels more like a job or bother/hassle and like I have no energy to have sex with her. But now my fantasy partner and I have a very robust sex life. <br></br> <br></br> <cite>M Hunter said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/seeking-advice-for-the-sexual-side-of-md#4661400Comment106206"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>I usually…</p>
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<p>You sound like me. My real life partner gives me such a hard time about sex. I just never feel in the mood to be with her. It feels more like a job or bother/hassle and like I have no energy to have sex with her. But now my fantasy partner and I have a very robust sex life. <br/> <br/> <cite>M Hunter said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/seeking-advice-for-the-sexual-side-of-md#4661400Comment106206"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>I usually daydream about myself and a character although I may change a few things about myself that I don't particularly find attractive about myself in real life, for example I'm usually a lot taller in my daydreams as I'm pretty short in real life which knocks my confidence. <br/>I have a real life partner but for some reason I find it incredibly difficult to become aroused and our sex life isn't that great. I just can't seem to feel in the mood. However in my daydream world I'm pretty much always up for it with the character I like. <br/>I feel pretty guilty about that but that's just how I feel. I'm not really sure why that is. </p>
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</blockquote> Laila I don't know if you're…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-02:4661400:Comment:1062302012-11-02T14:16:22.887ZJodyhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Jo
Laila I don't know if you're feeling insecure about being 24 without a boyfriend, but I just want to tell you that you really dont need to. I didn't start dating until I was 23 because I wasn't ready for it before then, (and I'm still with the awesome fellow-- and it's still great despite my issues with MD abd sex). One of my friends was 27 or 28 before he started. I think Julia Childs was around 35. Some people are just slow about romance.
Laila I don't know if you're feeling insecure about being 24 without a boyfriend, but I just want to tell you that you really dont need to. I didn't start dating until I was 23 because I wasn't ready for it before then, (and I'm still with the awesome fellow-- and it's still great despite my issues with MD abd sex). One of my friends was 27 or 28 before he started. I think Julia Childs was around 35. Some people are just slow about romance. I relate to this as well, as…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-02:4661400:Comment:1063102012-11-02T04:02:19.268ZLailahttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/LailaTaylor
<p>I relate to this as well, as I spend the most time daydreaming about my characters being physically intimate. It just makes me feel warm, happy, and empowered when they act so close. They have the strongest emotional intimacy when I imagine them falling in love for the first time, reuniting after being apart, or after almost dying in an accident. I could spend hours just thinking about them caressing, cuddling, and kissing each other with no plot development. In real life, I have never had a…</p>
<p>I relate to this as well, as I spend the most time daydreaming about my characters being physically intimate. It just makes me feel warm, happy, and empowered when they act so close. They have the strongest emotional intimacy when I imagine them falling in love for the first time, reuniting after being apart, or after almost dying in an accident. I could spend hours just thinking about them caressing, cuddling, and kissing each other with no plot development. In real life, I have never had a boyfriend, and I'm 24 years old. It's obvious that I'm using my characters to explore romantic situations that I'm not confident enough to pursue. *sigh* I do a lot of research to enhance my daydreams, ranging from science articles about the chemical process of love and romance practices to people's personal stories on relationship forums. xD</p>
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<p>However, I do desire to role-play my characters with someone. That would be exciting. I don't feel like anyone could steal my characters because they can't imagine them the exact same way. They will always be unique to me. xD</p> Over time I've realized that…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-02:4661400:Comment:1061382012-11-02T01:21:14.429ZCatauxgoryhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Catauxgory
<p>Over time I've realized that my characters have a sex life like nothing I will ever experience in my real life, and that makes me sad. It makes me feel that I've created and unleashed this awesome sexual energy between my characters, an awesome chemistry, and I wonder, will I ever experience anything like that in my life? I'd have to say probably not simply because part of the sexual excitement comes from <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>who</em></span> my characters…</p>
<p>Over time I've realized that my characters have a sex life like nothing I will ever experience in my real life, and that makes me sad. It makes me feel that I've created and unleashed this awesome sexual energy between my characters, an awesome chemistry, and I wonder, will I ever experience anything like that in my life? I'd have to say probably not simply because part of the sexual excitement comes from <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>who</em></span> my characters fundamentally are, and I can never be them. So the comparison is defeated before it begins. On the other hand, I have something my characters don't have, and that is a real life. Even though my sex life may not be as rocking as my characters', my life is the only real one, and for that reason it's 10,000 times more meaningful than what goes on in my daydreams. I've just found that what happens in reality is far more impactful and meaningful and lasting than a daydream. If you want to shift your sexual excitement to reality, it's not impossible, as you have yourself to work with and that's a wonderful place to start. Start small. I have to bring in the analogy of watering a seedling, watching it sprout, and nurturing it as it grows. There may be nothing there now, but keep trying to focus your intention on reality, and it will manifest.</p> Oh Charm, that's very good ad…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-01:4661400:Comment:1059992012-11-01T23:20:48.326ZJodyhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Jo
Oh Charm, that's very good advice. I'd love to hear if you're able to bring your characters down a notch and if that helps tou feel more confident. Keep me posted.
Oh Charm, that's very good advice. I'd love to hear if you're able to bring your characters down a notch and if that helps tou feel more confident. Keep me posted. I agree with everything Ereta…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-01:4661400:Comment:1062092012-11-01T20:15:47.774Zcharmhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/charm
<p>I agree with everything Eretaia said, its to do with low self esteem and feelings that you yourself do not have anything to offer. Which is understandable that us MDers should feel that way, we spend so much of our time building up these perfect characters who are so much more superior to us. The problem is that we then feel so inadequate and like we ourselves are lacking because we don't actually have the same attributes our characters have. We spend so much time fantasising the perfect…</p>
<p>I agree with everything Eretaia said, its to do with low self esteem and feelings that you yourself do not have anything to offer. Which is understandable that us MDers should feel that way, we spend so much of our time building up these perfect characters who are so much more superior to us. The problem is that we then feel so inadequate and like we ourselves are lacking because we don't actually have the same attributes our characters have. We spend so much time fantasising the perfect person and then our own realitys fall flat. To me this is one of the biggest down falls of MD, I have expanded my expectations to a point that is completely unreaslistic and this just further feeds my low self esteem which makes me want to escape into my DD more.</p>
<p>I don't really know what to do about solving the problem, I am still dealing with it on a daily basis but just wanted to tell you I can relate. Its obvious that the answer is to build up our own sense of self, and learn to love ourselves as we are. But achieving that is easier said then done. I wish I had the answer for you but Im still working on this myself.</p>
<p>I can tell you what is helping for me is to set goals that focus on MYSELF and then work on achieving them. My goals are mostly exercise related, Im into running so I have ideas of distances I want to cover and competitions I want to enter and then I work on achieving them. It makes me feel so good to work on something for a couple of months and then achieve it. It is something that has really helped with my self esteem and even though Im not quite there yet I feel like Im on the right path. Any little task you accomplish that you yourself can be proud of helps boost that self esteem, or so I have found. And the higher your self esteem out of the bedroom, the higher it becomes in the bedroom. Im not suggesting you need to take up running but maybe write down a list of goals that you have always wanted to achieve but never got around to and then just start working on them.</p>
<p>I just had another idea I am going to try and work on myself, I need to stop imagining my characters so perfect. Maybe my lead characters need to gain 10kgs and develop some bad habits that I can relate to and then I wont feel so inadequate when Im just trying to be myself in the bedroom. =)-</p>
<p> </p> I usually daydream about myse…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-01:4661400:Comment:1062062012-11-01T20:11:04.582ZM Hunterhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/MHunter
<p>I usually daydream about myself and a character although I may change a few things about myself that I don't particularly find attractive about myself in real life, for example I'm usually a lot taller in my daydreams as I'm pretty short in real life which knocks my confidence. <br></br>I have a real life partner but for some reason I find it incredibly difficult to become aroused and our sex life isn't that great. I just can't seem to feel in the mood. However in my daydream world I'm pretty…</p>
<p>I usually daydream about myself and a character although I may change a few things about myself that I don't particularly find attractive about myself in real life, for example I'm usually a lot taller in my daydreams as I'm pretty short in real life which knocks my confidence. <br/>I have a real life partner but for some reason I find it incredibly difficult to become aroused and our sex life isn't that great. I just can't seem to feel in the mood. However in my daydream world I'm pretty much always up for it with the character I like. <br/>I feel pretty guilty about that but that's just how I feel. I'm not really sure why that is. </p> I'm starting to recognize tho…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2012-11-01:4661400:Comment:1061362012-11-01T17:04:41.511ZJodyhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Jo
I'm starting to recognize those feelings. I know that's the first step, I'm just not sure what the next one is.
I'm starting to recognize those feelings. I know that's the first step, I'm just not sure what the next one is.