Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Sorry for the long post. You can skip to TLDR at bottom if its too long. Thank you.
Hello I am new to this community. I am a twenty-something student. I have been Maladaptive daydreaming for over 10 years now. It started in my childhood.
I seriously want to stop. It has affected so much of my life and I don't think I can continue living my life like this.
I have made several attempts in the past to stop. I have failed everytime.
But here I am starting over yet again. However, this time I am a bit more hopeful.
I have been reading this book called "Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg (really great read) that has expanded my understanding of addiction and habits in general. Although the principles the book mentions are concerning smoking/alcohol/drug addiction. I feel like I can apply them to MDD as well.
I have not felt this hopeful in a long time.
Now onto why I joined WMN. I need a community. In the book, the author talks about Alcoholic Annonymous. He states the effectiveness of AA lies in its ability to provide connection and a community. People you can talk to and who keep you accountable.
I am serious about quittting MDD this time. So I am going all the way. No half-assing.
But I don't have anyone to talk to about this around me. Nobody knows that I struggle with this. And I'm afraid if I tell them they'll think I'm crazy.
So that's how I found this place. That's why I came here. I am looking for a group of people, a community who I can talk to about my troubles and finally be free of this disease.
Please let me know if anyone is interested in being friends/mutuals (?) Sorry I'm new so i don't know the exact term.
TLDR; Read the book Power of Habit. It mentions that in order to effectively quit a habit/addiction one of the things you need is a community or group of like minded people who can help each other stay accountable and stay motivated. So i came here looking for such a group of people. Please let me know if any one is interested in being friends/mutuals (?)
I’m almost done reading The Power of Habit. I agree that it’s a very helpful book. Lately I’ve been struggling with excessive TV watching, which I believe goes hand in hand with my daydreaming. I steal a lot of my characters from TV shows and certain shows have a similar effect on me as daydreaming (distracting me from my own problems by making me excessively ruminate on violent fictional scenarios). Learning about the “habit loop” concept is helping me replace TV with other activities.
Life just doesn't look like our fantasies. I grew up drawn to many sources that only inspired me to dream of possibilities of how I wanted my own future to look. What I didn't understand is that they were just movies, books, and TV drama. Personally, they had nothing to do with me or anybody in society. I just wasn't the characters I was watching. I really should've focused on myself in a realistic sense and sought out what I can achieve for real. I should've worked on ways to better attract people if I really wanted a relationship. However, I let everything slip, over just wanting to daydream all the time. I lost track of the years, and woke up at how much time I lost, doing all that fantasy crap. Now I'm super self-conscious and feel like a terrible person. All my friends and peers have lives now. They are married with kids and living in their own homes, or running a business they own, or still going to university and traveling with friends, going to weddings and parties. They make me feel like a great big bore. Frankly, I never made my dreams come true. Meanwhile, I just sit at my desk in a soulless room and chuck out resumes to HR and companies all day. My current job is very insipid and doesn't make money. I'm trying to pursue a career with all faith intended in this difficult world. I have a tough love relationship with my dad. It's so straining and I just want to get away. All I want for Christmas is a new life and a new career. I actually wish that I didn't ever daydream, but can't turn back time, I have to bring it forward.
Even if I had an imagination that excited me towards future goals. The problem was people took my imaging the wrong way. They thought maybe I had a sickness and needed medication. They just complained that I had a far-off look on my face, and it didn't look OK. Only a person with no imagination would say this. They don't understand that we think differently and we have our own views and opinions, and we will dream of brilliant ideas. They simply think it's ludicrous and we need help. Like they are so black and white. So flat and uncreative. They are afraid of the eccentric. I spent my whole life being frowned on because I am one. I got bullied and made fun of for it. I was shrieked at to pay attention. I didn't make very many friends growing up. They didn't even get why I could be so quiet. Then I go out into the world, try to get a job and maintain it, but people don't like my appearance and how I sound...how I trail off and don't listen. They don't find me normal. Then they try to get rid of me. They look at me rather cooly. I feel like the more I imagine, the more it hurts someone else.
I'm at a late age to launch and thrive in a new career, and become a better adult. I don't feel that I was listening to my dad. He gave me so much precious advice that I didn't care to take seriously at first. As if I took them more as recommendation. I realize late in the game that he was right all along. He's smart, experienced, and out there. He was just trying to make sure I was on the right path and didn't make stupid decisions that will make me sorry in future. Bluntly speaking, I was very complacent, and didn't think anything bad was going to happen. He would tell me what to do next and how to do it right. I would put down on the desk, and do more pleasurable things, and go off into la la land. Then time would go by, he'd find out I didn't take action, and be very disappointed with me. The problem is that I drift away...and don't concentrate and motivate myself. As if I fall into another daydream. I'd rather be in another situation than the real situation I'm in. I think that's what caused all these problems in my life.