Where wild minds come to rest
This is my first time posting any content on here, and I sometimes have trouble trying to explain things, so I hope that this will be easy to understand.
Let me cut to the chase, in my daydreams I have a set of friends, they each have their own profile, and I have come up with every little quirk about them, where they come from, full names, family background, age, birthdays, birthmarks, scars, ambitions - essentially anything and everything a real person could have. In my fantasies we interact, I'm in love with one of them, and besties with another. The fantasies are so powerful, that I find myself acting out scenes/pacing/mouthing or speaking while listening to music, watching a video,or reading a story (3 of my biggest triggers). The stories/music makes my characters come alive, it feels like they are actually in the room with me, like we are actually together.
When I leave my daydreams, I feel empty.
I have to leave them a lot (although its hard), because I have sixth-form (I'm 16), and when I do, I feel like bursting into tears. I have a few friends in real life, and none of them know how deep my daydreams go, they know I have 'imaginary friends', but they have absolutely no idea what it's like. In my fantasies, all of the characters are so detailed, it's like they are real people, so when I have to pop back to reality it feels horrible to realise that they are not real- and they never will be. Sometimes I hold on to hope, hope that maybe they ARE real, hope that I might actually meet them one day, hope that they'll find me - and everyday this hope destroys me, bit-by-bit, until I feel like I may just crumble away into nothingness.
As I type away right now, I am slowly struggling. I've written a lot but what I've written describes merely the tip of a gigantic iceberg, and I am tearing myself apart even trying to explain a little bit of it. I need help, but I don't know what to do. I don't want the daydreams to disappear, they are fun, and it makes my day every time I am able to immerse myself in my world, it's the pang of pain in my chest that I feel afterwards that kills me.
I hope you managed to have a good Christmas (I dont know if you celebrate it). If it has gotten even slightly easier over a few days, think about how much easier it could be after a few weeks. Keep trying and stay strong x
Chris H said:
thanks for your reply. The last couple of days have been slightly easier. I am trying to avoid MDD but it it's like annoying those adverts that won't go away. Every few minutes I'm back there with this weeks character...I went out for a coffee with my wife today, and as we are sitting there talking part of me is thinking about my character and the latest thing in his life... My characters are all based around me... Accept they have amazing lives.... Whilst the life I do have is being ruined . I think I described MDD as a mental heroin... It's so addictive. I shall keep trying.
Olli Bick said:
Sorry for taking so long to reply. Hopefully seeing the GP will help, even if they can't treat you, maybe it will help if you are able to vent your feelings to another person. I hope the visit goes well, and I hope that you start to feel better soon. We're in this together x
Chris H said:
Hi Ollie, I managed to blag half a day off work today... I got home at 2pm, it's now 7pm... Ive wasted 5 hours today inMDD. I know exactly what you mean, my characters are successful, tv presenters, rock singers, professional boxers etc. Everything that I'm not.. Their lives are so detailed in MDD. It's is gut wrenching having to come back to reality. I am also at an all time low with this. I am seeing a GP on Wednesday... But I can guarantee that they won't have heard of MDD and will have no idea what to do with me. I hate feeling this rubbish. It's destroying and chance of happiness in my life... But it is so addictive... I think it's like a mental heroin. I get where your at.