Mders who have stopped maladaptive dreaming, how do you deal with reality now? Isn't reality bland, serious and have no spark at all? - Wild Minds network2024-03-28T15:28:37Zhttps://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/mders-who-have-stopped-maladaptive-dreaming-how-do-you-deal-with?commentId=4661400%3AComment%3A413540&feed=yes&xn_auth=noHi,
I feel you. Not that my…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-08-19:4661400:Comment:4185292021-08-19T17:31:17.180ZTeresa 1515https://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Teresa1515558
<p>Hi, </p>
<p></p>
<p>I feel you. Not that my life is boring, but everything which has happened in my life that I was covering up and avoiding, has all come flooding back to me. I think MD was a form of escape and for me I have now found I have a lot of things to deal with. Adapting to this new life is kind of difficult and I have huge regrets, but I really don't want to return back to it. I also want to help others and encourage. </p>
<p></p>
<p>With love Teresa xx</p>
<p>Hi, </p>
<p></p>
<p>I feel you. Not that my life is boring, but everything which has happened in my life that I was covering up and avoiding, has all come flooding back to me. I think MD was a form of escape and for me I have now found I have a lot of things to deal with. Adapting to this new life is kind of difficult and I have huge regrets, but I really don't want to return back to it. I also want to help others and encourage. </p>
<p></p>
<p>With love Teresa xx</p> How do I deal with it? Hahaha…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-08-09:4661400:Comment:4179802021-08-09T01:01:55.933ZMaryhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/Mary648
How do I deal with it? Hahaha, I don't. ; v ; Honestly, I wish there was a machine that could detect that I was daydreaming and just give my head a smack. Till now the only effective thing around me is that one loose tile that clicks loudly when I step on it while pacing. That sound just jolts me out of any dream.
How do I deal with it? Hahaha, I don't. ; v ; Honestly, I wish there was a machine that could detect that I was daydreaming and just give my head a smack. Till now the only effective thing around me is that one loose tile that clicks loudly when I step on it while pacing. That sound just jolts me out of any dream. Something else I thought of w…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-05-30:4661400:Comment:4137592021-05-30T23:35:48.006ZKristina Gasparianhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/KristinaGasparian
<p>Something else I thought of when you mentioned adulthood:</p>
<p>I think we need to stop scaring people with it. Many people who are miserable in their childhood/ teen years find a lot of liberation in adulthood. It's not worse. It's just different. And you can turn it into an empowering experience. You can:</p>
<p>- move out to live in a better space on your own rules,</p>
<p>- you can learn financial literacy and investing to improve your quality of life and feel more control,</p>
<p>-…</p>
<p>Something else I thought of when you mentioned adulthood:</p>
<p>I think we need to stop scaring people with it. Many people who are miserable in their childhood/ teen years find a lot of liberation in adulthood. It's not worse. It's just different. And you can turn it into an empowering experience. You can:</p>
<p>- move out to live in a better space on your own rules,</p>
<p>- you can learn financial literacy and investing to improve your quality of life and feel more control,</p>
<p>- things like "worrying about clothes" or "worrying about furnishing apartment" should be approached as a fun problem-solving challenge which is supposed to give you nice end results - finding your style let's you express yourself and furnishing creates your unique nice space,</p>
<p>- you can choose what you want your family to be like, at least partially,</p>
<p>- you can still enjoy a healthy dose of socially acceptable escapism through books, movies, tv shows, anime, video games, board games and more because for our generation it's more and more normal for adults to enjoy these things, as long as they are responsible and functional enough,</p>
<p>...and so on. I've found that going through life with healthier attitude, enjoying challenges and solving problems makes reality much more fun. I used to view all that as an obstacle and got discouraged but getting out of toxic environment gave me a chance to change and you should take that chance if you ever get it too. ^^</p> Kristina, you know, you got m…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-05-30:4661400:Comment:4136742021-05-30T19:50:01.496ZValeria Francohttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/valeria_franco
<p>Kristina, you know, you got me thinking: when talking about being more interested in reality, many MDers could feel sort of frightened because they think they would need to begin to be interested in those sort of things they hate of life and adulthood: money, career, clothes, "normal" family, sports, socially acceptable kind of fun, and so on.</p>
<p>But it doesn't be this way. Of course, some things are important, and you need to take your responsibility in life, but you can also decide…</p>
<p>Kristina, you know, you got me thinking: when talking about being more interested in reality, many MDers could feel sort of frightened because they think they would need to begin to be interested in those sort of things they hate of life and adulthood: money, career, clothes, "normal" family, sports, socially acceptable kind of fun, and so on.</p>
<p>But it doesn't be this way. Of course, some things are important, and you need to take your responsibility in life, but you can also decide what is the kind of reality you really want to dedicate your main attention.</p>
<p>If you are happy observing bugs and drawing them in a notebook, well, you need to pursue the kind of life that gives you the opportunity to do it for the most time possible. Maybe not all the time, but you will know while working in a maybe boring job, that you are doing it just because it allows you to go after your passion in your spare time.</p>
<p>In other words: let's answer ourselves "what reality are we pursuing?"</p>
<p></p> Depends.
My MD was triggered…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-05-28:4661400:Comment:4135402021-05-28T04:16:09.384ZKristina Gasparianhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/KristinaGasparian
<p>Depends.</p>
<p>My MD was triggered by living among people who were abusive physically and psychologically so while I was still in that environment, I had to rely on MD to save my sanity and living without it would be harder.</p>
<p></p>
<p>HOWEVER. Whenever I was away, in a healthy safe environment, I'd try to focus on reality more and more. Eventually, I developed an unusually strong appreciation for all things real, going as far as clearing myself not only of MD but of all superstitions…</p>
<p>Depends.</p>
<p>My MD was triggered by living among people who were abusive physically and psychologically so while I was still in that environment, I had to rely on MD to save my sanity and living without it would be harder.</p>
<p></p>
<p>HOWEVER. Whenever I was away, in a healthy safe environment, I'd try to focus on reality more and more. Eventually, I developed an unusually strong appreciation for all things real, going as far as clearing myself not only of MD but of all superstitions known to humankind (took 10 years of training tho). I find this new lifestyle to be very healthy and fascinating. I started reading books about science, astrophysics, watching documentaries about our planet, paying attention to nature during every walk - birds, bugs, clouds... Reality is fascinating and it's healthy to be in touch with it. I'd say that nowadays my life has more spark because I am engaged with things that actually exist, I have my curiosity and I stay observant. I moved out of a country that was bad for me, out of a family that was toxic and even cut ties with them. Reality is 100% bearable now that I've dealt with the core issue.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Sadly, for most humans accepting reality is very hard. Our poor brains have to deal with our intellect while being too primitive to process terrifying facts of the universe, the inevitability of death or futility of certain efforts. I had to go through a hardcore existential crisis in order to get to this point so I understand why most people just can't handle it. It's very hard but it can be resolved positively and if that happens, your life will be better. You will live in the moment and appreciate it much more.</p> Everybody has his/her own rel…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-04-18:4661400:Comment:4129452021-04-18T15:02:46.979ZValeria Francohttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/valeria_franco
<p>Everybody has his/her own relations with MD, that's why there's no easy solution.</p>
<p>Some alcoholic need to quit their drinking because they know they can't resist if they start sipping a little bit of wine, others are fine and enjoy alcohol on special occasions.</p>
<p>We can deal with it.</p>
<p>By the way. How is day 3 going?</p>
<p>Everybody has his/her own relations with MD, that's why there's no easy solution.</p>
<p>Some alcoholic need to quit their drinking because they know they can't resist if they start sipping a little bit of wine, others are fine and enjoy alcohol on special occasions.</p>
<p>We can deal with it.</p>
<p>By the way. How is day 3 going?</p> Yeah Luca! Let's do this!!
I…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-04-17:4661400:Comment:4128392021-04-17T12:55:16.791ZKalliopehttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/KalliopeTuta
<p>Yeah Luca! Let's do this!!</p>
<p>I think it's most important that you give yourself compassion, first and foremost! Be happy you start something. Congratulate yourself for every stretch of time you've stopped MD! And be proud of yourself that you can live on, even if you feel like you are not special anymore - living under the yoke of the new restriction is tough, but it's worth it. And with time, you will realize that you're much more free and much more closer to who you want to be than…</p>
<p>Yeah Luca! Let's do this!!</p>
<p>I think it's most important that you give yourself compassion, first and foremost! Be happy you start something. Congratulate yourself for every stretch of time you've stopped MD! And be proud of yourself that you can live on, even if you feel like you are not special anymore - living under the yoke of the new restriction is tough, but it's worth it. And with time, you will realize that you're much more free and much more closer to who you want to be than before!</p>
<p>Just post when you find yourself on roadblocks! It helps a lot to write things down.</p> Hi, i just got here. I'm the…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-04-17:4661400:Comment:4128362021-04-17T11:02:32.795ZLuca Spahttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/LucaSpa
<p>Hi, i just got here. I'm the same, i'm just starting (or beginning to start) to understand MD and fighting it, but your thought are the same i had the moment i decided to do fight. I'm scared too, i'm finding it hard already at day 2 and i fell like i'm not speciale anymore. I don't want get rid of it, but i don't want to be a slave of this excessive energy/time/reality consuming problem either. I guess we'll have to control it and allow it only on specifical times, isn't it? C'mon, show me…</p>
<p>Hi, i just got here. I'm the same, i'm just starting (or beginning to start) to understand MD and fighting it, but your thought are the same i had the moment i decided to do fight. I'm scared too, i'm finding it hard already at day 2 and i fell like i'm not speciale anymore. I don't want get rid of it, but i don't want to be a slave of this excessive energy/time/reality consuming problem either. I guess we'll have to control it and allow it only on specifical times, isn't it? C'mon, show me we can deal with this...</p> To answer your questions hone…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-04-16:4661400:Comment:4127362021-04-16T14:01:31.932ZKalliopehttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/KalliopeTuta
<p>To answer your questions honestly and spontaneously: I never understood how much MD had affected me. I did not perceive any kind of detriment in my everyday life, I thought it was just a past-time like TV and gaming is. I am honestly, and I'll write what DID change afterwards, so don't understand this wrong, still not sure whether it was truly different from binging social sites in free time. I believe it served the same function as someone posting fotos on fb and counting the likes, and I…</p>
<p>To answer your questions honestly and spontaneously: I never understood how much MD had affected me. I did not perceive any kind of detriment in my everyday life, I thought it was just a past-time like TV and gaming is. I am honestly, and I'll write what DID change afterwards, so don't understand this wrong, still not sure whether it was truly different from binging social sites in free time. I believe it served the same function as someone posting fotos on fb and counting the likes, and I thought it had about the same impact for me. So your question for me sounds like: Will I deeply regret going off facebook? Without it everything will be boring, and I won't have anything to do! For someone who depends on MD (or FB) for offloading your emotional energy, this is a very difficult and ugly question. I would not have stopped MDing, if someone told me, "that's unhealthy, go do something real in real life!".</p>
<p>What did bring me to stop, and what made me completely and utterly stop, complete MD standstill - was when this forum and the research papers and Eretaia told me a few statements:</p>
<p><strong>The MD story is trivial.</strong> The story itself is shoddy, weak, and if I would write it down, it would not be an enjoyable story. If I look at my MD story like a reviewer would look at a novel: My personal story would be plot-driven and not character driven, it would be disjointed. Things would not make sense here and there. Too many Chechov's guns, it gets boring. The side-characters would be one-dimensional and the main character a Mary Sue. There. That's the novel I've been laboring over for years! And it's not even written down yet!! It's got an interesting plot, sure, and I could regale you about lots of adventures. But it's a weak, superficial story.</p>
<p><strong>The MD characters are one-dimensional.</strong> They only serve one function: to have a relationship with the main character, with me. They are like cardboard cut-outs, and it was very difficult to understand this. When you're in the story, you don't see how shallow the characters are, because you "feel" them. But these characters are charades from your mind, just created so you can feel emotions alongside them: joy, sadness, pain, happiness. But one important thing is missing, the most important thing that dictates most of what makes a character truly shine, truly come out, the most important thing that dictates how people react in life: uncertainty, and the fear of uncertainty. There are no heros when the outcome is set in stone. There is no tension in discussion when you're sure what your partner will answer. There is no bravery when there is nothing to overcome. There is no stage if you know how the audience will react. There is no entrepreneurism when you know how your shop/company will fare. There is no success without competition. There is no trust without uncertainty. There is only cardboard-cut-outs that make you feel these emotions without the risk.</p>
<p>Funnily, I understood this when friends invited me to a DnD session, of all things. I inserted the concepts of the MD character into the DnD character planner. In DnD, there are two components in playing the game: firstly, you're thrown into lovingly-made situations by one of the friends (the "GM"), that include social game interaction, adventure and hack'n'slash game components. On one hand, you need to come up with your character's solutions to problems, social interactions: you talk as if you were your character, and the GM answers back, roleplaying the characters that are required to be interacted with (the roadside panhandler, the king, the adventurer's guild...). On the other hand, you have a rigid set of rules for your preferred type of hack'n'slash fighting style (ninja, knight, gladiator, sorcerer...). So, what I very quickly realised: No, people did not react to my character how the MD would react, and this uncertainty was what made this fantasy real. This was "reality", not the MD. MD was too tight, bound within one's own head. Also, my character was middling at fighting, not kick-ass as in MD. AND: in DnD, out-of-the-box thinking and solutions can actually be implemented and save your character's life - and when you're confronted with a situation where you don't know the answer, it is MUCH more difficult to be the awesome problem-solver than in MD.</p>
<p><strong>The MD feelings are what are lacking in your life</strong>, and should be applied to life instead of MD. I'm running out of steam here, so please, have a look at Eretaia's posts, she explains it well. This is why you are scared that your life will be boring. And that comes from someone who had a lot of magic and fantasy in MD.</p>
<p>I just wonder how former dreamers feel after letting go of it? Firstly? Very nice. Quiet. I felt more in touch with myself. I felt centered. I felt like a winner. I won my freedom. Afterwards, I had some pangs here and there, very specifically: On one hand when I felt emotional, and I didn't have an outlet (such as a friend to rant/joyfully squeal/cry/sigh at), and this i quite well solved with journalling. I wrote down everything I wanted to rant about, and this helped a lot. Posting and writing letters here helped. And on the other hand: when I felt bored. Driving is a bad case, and just mundane boredom when you have a(n) (quarter) hour of nothing-time. Then, not doing MD was restrictive, like a boa constrictor tightening. What helped were audiobooks and non-fiction books (atomic habits!), and just calling up a friend, or writing here. And actually, for the first six months the solution for me was webnovels. This might not go well for everyone - for some this might induce MD again (like a romance story for me). But I read "better" stories than mine, stories that actually were thrilling, and made me happy and so on. Maybe you find better solutions, but it needs to be something ready to make you non-bored, whatever it is. And after this phase, I'm starting to see the serenity, the happiness with myself feeling, the ability to work on to keep it that way. And keep on going. Getting better doesn't stop so easily! There's so many things to explore.</p>
<p>Wasn't it difficult to adapt to this new life? Even if it was hard letting go of it? - No. It was not hard to let go. Not hard to adapt, because there was nothing to adapt to. I didn't experience much of a change currently, don't have more time, but I do have a more aware mind, and maybe can consider other people and myself with more objectiveness and compassion.</p>
<p>have you ever felt that you want to come back to being a maladaptive dreamer? NO! No. Not at all. Absolutely not. It's like going back to bad TV!: You know that it's a weak story without a decent plot, bad characters, bad writing all around. That sofa in front of MD-TV looks really comfortable, the cola and the popcorn are there, the TV just needs to be turned on, but actually, as you turn away from that badly written TV, you see that outside through the window, the sun is shining, and the real wind and real rain can be felt on your body. You will have so much pent-up energy from all that watching TV, how about going out for a walk and lessening the burden of that pent-up energy on you? It's so simple to stop, to turn of that inner MD-TV, and just walk away, when you realize that it's just garbage feel-good TV.</p>
<p></p> Sakshee Dhumal I think it's…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2021-04-07:4661400:Comment:4126012021-04-07T21:24:00.967ZValeria Francohttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/valeria_franco
<p><a class="fn url" href="https://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topic/listForContributor?user=20shralkaemlw">Sakshee Dhumal </a>I think it's true, someone may not be ready to quit daydreams. In that phase, we are not able to see how things could actually be, just because we don't know ANY other way of living, as we have always daydreamed.</p>
<p>It reminds me of when in the '90s my father told me about an amazing technology: emails. I was a little girl, I roughly knew what computers were because I…</p>
<p><a href="https://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topic/listForContributor?user=20shralkaemlw" class="fn url">Sakshee Dhumal </a>I think it's true, someone may not be ready to quit daydreams. In that phase, we are not able to see how things could actually be, just because we don't know ANY other way of living, as we have always daydreamed.</p>
<p>It reminds me of when in the '90s my father told me about an amazing technology: emails. I was a little girl, I roughly knew what computers were because I had seen them in some office. I couldn't see the point of having emails. Why can't we just keep writing letters? And people (every person!) should have a computer at home, or go to some office to read letters. And what about stamps? How can you put a stamp on a letter inside a computer?</p>
<p>You see, it makes me smile, but little Valeria didn't have the possibility to imagine a totally different world. My judgment was based on my only experience of the world. </p>
<p>It's hard to imagine what a life MD-free could be if you never had one. As <a href="https://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topic/listForContributor?user=3sfxvydxafnxr" class="fn url">Kalliope</a> says, it's worth trying just to see what happens. But you need to do it for enough time to give it a chance, as in the beginning, it's hard.</p>
<p>Kalliope, thanks ♥ Maybe you're right I'm optimistic! I haven't always been like that. Now I see the light.</p>
<p></p>